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BONE of CONTENTION-Seeing Through the Wrong Doer’s Eyes-How to Transform Bitterness
Is This You Right Now?
Is This You Right Now?
Are you stuck?
Are you realizing you can no longer endure what is as well as not move forward either?
Do you recognize that you have to melt the freeze over of the hurt and the feelings of helplessness you have stored tightly under the umbrella of bitterness?
Don’t worry. You are not alone.
Today, is a brand-new day.
Your being here today, signals, that you are ready for a change-a transformation. Transforming those imposed and absorbed hurts, given to you by that snake in the grass.
Today, you are willing to look through the eyes of the wrong doer and alchemizing the bitterness into something sacred, good and/or blessed.
What is Sacredness?
When I speak of sacredness here I refer to something we hold dear, good or that we cherish.
For instance, it maybe the transparency and dependability of one’s partner. It may be growing more trees so that the planet’s lungs can keep supplying us with much needed oxygen. Or, it may be seeking peace and justice for a group or for yourself.
Irrespective of whether you are religious, agnostic or an atheist, I appeal to what is in your heart and what you are needing to protect and nourish.
Can I ask you, could you live a life where nothing was sacred to you? I, personally, don’t think so.
I am aware that people present and past have committed cruel things under the flag of someone or something being held sacred.
Sometimes people don’t know what they hold precious in their hearts. However, I anticipate that they recognize that funny feeling of coming home. This funny feeling is the red flag that says “this” is your treasure, your blessing.
What Do You Hold Sacred?
1. In Australia
*If you cherished having faith in Australia, you would send your children to a specific religious school. Or, then again you might be of the faith where you send your children to a school that accepts all faiths so that the children get to sort out there likes and dislikes about different faiths. Thereby, forming their own brand of faith/values.
*As an Australian I may value the government protecting nature by sectioning of land so its not in the hands of developers since most of our continent is desert.
*As an Australian, I may value making certain days sacred. Like Christmas Day, Boxing Day, and New Year’s Day, not because I am religious but because these are given days to nourish our relationship with others that are close to us. (Isn’t life about relationships?)
* As an Australian, I may now think Western extravagance is morally and intellectually wrong. Especially as we have contributed to the rise of terrorism atrocities, increased poverty amongst women and children, not to forget racism, the invasion of Iraq and the occupation of the West Bank.
2. In the United Kingdom
*Here, UK citizens value the rule of law. That is, no one is above the law, irrespective of their wealth and status. Not even the government.
*In the UK, family, is an important formation. Not only for its citizens but to additionally help maintain civility and stability within its society.
3. In the USA
*USA citizens value and emphasize the need for independence and uniqueness.
*USA citizens additionally value being materially well off; and to live by the motto, “nothing is impossible”.
What Are the 5 Tell-Tale Signs of an Embittered Person?
1. Often when we are bitter, bitterness shows itself through the sharpness of our tone. Like those scornful, hateful words that cut deeply.
2. Bitterness can reveal itself (unknowingly or knowingly) through becoming difficult to please. Feeling embittered includes feelings of being short changed in life.
3. This simmering resentment can show its face when you adopt the Fighting Rooster way.
The Fighting Rooster way, involves looking everywhere to challenge another. This expresses itself where you needling then until you get a rise out of them. This rise makes you feel better about yourself yet, also may cost you your partner, friend, child, co-worker, coach etc….
4. Inner bitterness can rear its head when you are scathing of someone’s good fortune. Their good fortune just seems to echo the long -term misery and loss within your life.
5. Bitterness works to devour you 24/7. Bitterness works to colour your perspectives which can manifest in taking action that is self-defeating to what you need or want out of life.
What is the Cost of Bitterness?
What is the Cost of Bitterness?
Bitterness grows out of hurt and helplessness over a person or a situation.
A hurt that is unprovoked (or, maybe provoked?) with malicious intent (aware or unaware?) which causes much suffering and evolves into righteous anger that produces caustic ulcers that reflect embitterment and injustice.
A. The Physical Costs of Embitterment
Some Psychologists say long term bitterness causes adverse effects on one’s cardiovascular system (increasing blood pressure) and immune system (increasing cortisol levels) together with causing back pain, insomnia and headaches. [Research Group Psychomatic Rehabilitation, Charite, University Medicine and Department of Behavioural and Psychomatic Medicine, BfA Rehabilitation Centre Seehof, Tellow, Berlin, Germany]
A. The Emotional and Mental Costs of Embitterment
*continues the cycle of misery
*can lead to long term anxiety
*prevents you from experiencing joy
*exacerbate an attitude of scepticism and/or distrust which leads to the production of hostile vibes that not only creates a pessimistic outlook, but may also turn people away
*you may throw away your big vision for your life which is your raison d’etre
*energy taken up being embittered and righteous, is lost, and therefore not available to create and meet happier life goals
So, what do we do?
The Release from Bitterness
The key word is forgiveness.
I’m sorry, I do not like this word right now and I cannot entirely wrap my head around the idea of forgiveness. That is, the notion forgiveness is not about letting the wrong doer off the hook.
I do agree, that you do not have control over the wrongdoer except what avails through the judicial system. However, from my introductory experiences of the judicial system, it is focused on aiding the wrong doer and not the target/victim.
It can still feel you are damned if you do and damned if you don’t. However, in saying this, I do believe a time comes when you need to heal the hurt and you will be ready to do this. I believe one step in that direction is to begin being mindful of when you are being problem focused versus solution focused. As soon as you dip into problem mode, pull yourself up, and switch to solution mode. That’s a great start.
Next, type out what experiences you would like to have in the next month, 3 months, 6 months, and 1 year. Maybe one of these experiences is having more intimacy when having sex. Or, maybe it’s having a baby. Neither costs you except your surrender and determination.
Following that, see where you would like to do better?
Where you would like to prosper? Maybe you want to turn your garden into growing flowers for an essential oil’s company?
Lastly, see how and where you can give back to your community or society.
Solutions to Leave the Bitterness Behind
When the time comes and you have incrementally raised your courage bar, ask your partner, friend, family member, co-worker to confront the bitterness within you.
The only way to move forward is by you and how you now choose to respond. Otherwise, you will replicate the role of the wrongdoer. Just how the wrong doer treated you.
You just have to somehow put all that suffering behind you.
A. Ways to Help Melt the Anger and Resentment (Bitterness)
-physically smash up plates or glass bottles. (In a safe area off course).
-scream your head off in the car, shower or favourite pillow
-or, talking about the helplessness and resentment with another.
-or, you can Journal. His will support the arrival of clarity.
Clarifying questions, you might like to ask yourself are: -
A. What was lost?
B. Do you still want what was lost?
C. Do I need to talk it out or more, or, am I ruminating still?
-distracting yourself is another great way to restart your life. See if you can pick up a new interest or revive a long-held interest and get that underway
- do daily to-do-list. Don’t make the items hard to achieve. Having x3 items on your list is a good enough start.
-at night, follow that up with a Gratitude Journal. Give thanks for all. This will help to bring some greater feelings of peace into your life. This in turn will relax you and therefore enable you to fall off to sleep more easily.
I wish you well in your endeavour to live the life you were meant to live.
Remember, bitterness is a result of hanging onto suffering from negative situations.
Resentment brings on poor health which means suffering increases.
Why not make today be the day you stand at the precipice with arms wide open ready to receive the arrival of the sacred, the blessed, the good into your life. You can do it.
Peace, Wellness and Happiness to You.
© 2018 Threekeys