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Baby Wanting: Hormones or Madness?

Updated on February 19, 2012

I have always wanted to have kids, however lately I have been wondering where these urges are really coming from. I mean seriously, who in their right mind would want life-long responsibility, nappy changing, baby- puke and the wondrous sound of baby screams as part of their daily routine? Not to mention weight gain, child birth and eventually a brat who thinks (or wishes) your pockets are bottomless, makes a weak argument for wanting a baby.


So while looking at some random child goggle-eyed and as if in some strange ovarian trance, I mentally slap myself and proceed to repeat in my head: "nappies, screaming, baby puke- don't go there, NOT YET!" Is it me or is it that every year I seem to get just a tiny bit more broody?


It is illogical- I do not have a stable career or a partner with pitter-patter of tiny feet on his mind. Needless to say, having the freedom to travel, to think of myself first and to have the occasional messy party night out still hits the spot. While I am nearly ready to give it up, I could quite happily stay here a while longer. So what is the matter with my brain? Hormones? Social conditioning? Instinct?


I will first consider the explanation given by some: hormones. Of course it's true us women are cyclical creatures. These cycles are thought to be driven by hormones. For better or for worse, these to some extent affect what we feel and want. For example during ovulation, we might desire male company or chocolate or a night out.


Or during PMS we might fancy smashing stuff, shouting or crying. Although I understand the biological facts and purposes of hormonal changes, if this is the reason for my baby wanting, then surely it would vary in intensity throughout the month. So are hormones responsible? My verdict is: to some extent yes.


Double Trouble


Now, social conditioning is another factor to be considered. Since I was little I remember playing with dolls. I would carry them around; put them to sleep and so on. I never saw my brother carry a doll and attempt to feed it sand (baby food) or water (milk).


However, is this because I am female or because society encourages us to play with dolls in training to bear children later. And if so, have I been tricked with pink glitter and fairy dust, to want crying, pooing, puking and labour pains? So, can I blame it on society? Verdict: to some extent yes.


Lastly I will ponder that ambiguous term, instinct. Sure, it's instinctual to eat, sleep, fart and so on. And yes, to make love. But in this day and age the purpose of making love is largely to enjoy, connect or for fun; otherwise we wouldn't be looking for ways to avoid conception for most of our lives, would we?


It has been suggested that bearing children is women's destiny, nature or purpose. But of course through feminism and social change, it has become apparent that this is a generalisation to say the least. Is the reason for my baby craving instinct? Verdict: I am not even sure if instinct can or should be considered in this instance.


So is baby wanting hormones or madness? While I hope to have made it clear that I am not blindly wishing to pass my genes on, I still find myself ooohing and aaahing at babies. I wonder if I will have a boy or girl? I imagine them smiling, learning to walk..."nappies, screaming, baby puke- don't go there, NOT YET!" Personally, it sometimes feels as if my ovaries are controlling my brain or is it my womb? Well, this sure does sound like madness to me or is it hormones?

Cute Baby

Sweet Dreams
Sweet Dreams

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      babybluesdbn 3 years ago

      Hi Felecia. I was not going to comment, but after seeing your post, I had to. I have been married for the past 9 years. And am in a similar situation. My husband has kids, 3 to be exact, from a past relationship. And he has also had a vasectomy. However we are not in a position to have the reversal done or any of the procedures for me to conceive. I have always wanted and loved kids. However as we were raising my husbands kids, they are older now, we never had the chance to save towards this. Now things have fallen apart. Jobwise. We are in the worst financial position ever. Two months ago we were given an opportunity to adopt a baby, who is due in July. The thing is this woman is demanding. Financially. And in my desire for this baby, I am so desperate, I give in constantly. My husband doesn't understand. And I feel so alone in this. No one else seems to understand. Especially not my spouse. I feel so alone in this. Rationally, I know I am not in the position for this. But still. There is another couple on the cards as well now for this child. They are financially secure. And are able to pay the social worker the thousands she is demanding. And I can see this slipping away from me and it is breaking my heart. Like you I am so scared that it will never happen. And my one opportunity is flying out the door so fast.

    • profile image

      Felecia 4 years ago

      Had to post. I am happily married both with jobs but yet to have children I am 34 and he is 39. I have wanted kids since I was a kid. Why is this feeling so strong? I feel like my life is not complete until I have children. Reading some of the post I do feel they are right I need to be complete before but I feel complete just lacking child. I feel alone like nobody knows how I feel or how strong this desire is. My husband wants kids as well but he already has 2 so he doesn't understand my desire.

      We have another complication... My husband had a vasectomy a few years back we are going to go have it reversed in a few months but maybe that's part of my fear that it may never happen. We are going to have sperm removed in case it doesn't work so we can do invetro but I just worry. I want so bad to be ok with the fact it hasn't happened for me yet but truth is I'm not. Right now I'm looking for ways to let go if my desire for children because I'm starting to feel like I'm falling apart just waiting for it. I have tried talking to people but most just don't understand I really feel like nobody knows or understands how strong this feeling is. I see pregnant woman and am happy for them but deep down I'm sad. How can I move on from this

    • profile image

      Rachel 5 years ago

      I have a great husband and he works and I am a homemaker and keep the house running, we both want a baby really bad but timing is a big part for us, he is in his 30's and I am in my 20's and we are totally healthy and ready just timing to get everything done before starting a family? I have baby madness forsure :)

    • dawnM profile image

      Dawn Michael 7 years ago from THOUSAND OAKS

      Great topic and I would say that having a baby is a lifelong responsibility and having it alone is just madness. Not everyone has to have children. Before I got married I did not want children and I am not maternal, but then I met my husband and he is maternal. I thought I can so this with him became he can be my partner and when I had my son, I could not believe the way that I felt for him, love that I have never experience in my life, but along with that came all of the responsibly of having kids and it is a lot. The older we get the more set in our ways and the less energy we have for a child, in hind sight I wish that I could have had my kids in my mid twenties not my 30’s but I am overjoyed to have them and love them, but that is because my husband shares in half of the responsibility. I had my daughter at 35 and my energy really is not the same as a 20 year old, it took me one year to get my sleep pattern back. So I believe that if you don’t want children don’t have them and if you so know what you are getting into!

    • iva dragostinova profile image
      Author

      iva dragostinova 8 years ago from Brighton, UK

      I know, a friend recently had a baby. He is gorgeous. I love baby sitting him, it's good practice :). But yes, baby madness can be overwhelming. Keep me posted indeed! Many baby vibes your way!

    • profile image

      Janine 8 years ago

      Thank you again, for your up-date and kind words. Its so had as at present I have several niece and nephew on their way too and i'm sure you can see how, I'm finding it difficult being around my sister and sister in law. I'm sure it will pan out in time. I'll keep you informed Thanks again Janine

    • iva dragostinova profile image
      Author

      iva dragostinova 8 years ago from Brighton, UK

      Hi Janine, thanks for your comment, it's good to know I am not the only broody one. It has been nearly a year since I wrote this article, and I still really want a baby. I haven't given in to my hormones/madness, but to be honest, through no choice of mine.

      I still haven't got a secure career and my partner is not quite ready.

      Although, I would go for it at a drop of a hat. We are planning to start a family in about a year and a half or two. This is ok with me; I want my partner to be comfortable. However, I do have very strong urges and wish it could be sooner.

      I can imagine it must be a tough time for both you and your husband losing your father in law so suddenly. And from your husband’s perspective, it is probably difficult to shift to thinking of conception and baby dust. However, I would say that considering he was ready prior to the resent tragedy, it woun’t be too long until he is up for it once more. In a way, he will be experiencing a complete life cycle. And your unborn child will ultimately continue the life of his father through lineage.

      I really feel for you, but despite our different situations, patience is the way for us both. As to why your feelings are so strong, I presume there are many factors. You feel ready, you want to start a family with the man you love and your hormones are kicking in.

      I do not know if this will ring true for you at all, but I have been reflecting as to why the urge is strong, and have also found some unresolved feelings of feeling incomplete. I think on some level I thought a baby would make me complete.

      Currently I am working on finding that self- fulfilled feeling inside me. I would like to be whole before I have a child, so I can give myself to him/her fully and make sure that my expectations are not unrealistic. After all a baby should enrich life, not allow us to be comlete. Having a child is a about the child not about me.

      Through this reflective work I have been able to look at this time in between as a time to prepare. It has allowed me to accept and appreciate this time. After all once the babies come, reflective time spent alone or with partners/husbands will be hard to come by.

      I hope this helps, and wish you all the best!

      Iva

    • profile image

      Janine 8 years ago

      Thank you, I found what you have written very interesting. I did wonder what happened after you wrote this... Did you give in to madness or your hormones? I story is a little different I have a great marriage, career and a baby is the only thing i don't have. Up until the beginning of this year i thought we (my husband and i) had it all planned we was going to start trying. However, his father passed away suddenly on the 3rd Jan and now he don't feel his in the right place! My difficulty is my madness for a baby is getting worse. How selfish I must sound? Please don't think that of me, I was very close to my father in-law and i miss him dearly. Why are my feeling so strong?

    • profile image

      Joshua Smith 9 years ago from Brighton, England

      babies are cool.

      puke and nappies are not.

      tough decision :)

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