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Being In a Relationship Does Not Guarantee Happiness

Updated on April 30, 2019
cristina327 profile image

A graduate of MA in Education, an academician and a freelance devotional insight writer.

1) Being in a relationship is not always the answer to loneliness

Many single women are so desirous of being in a relationship that this desire has really become an obsession. Finding “Mr Right” has preoccupied them much that they will really invest a great amount of their financial resources just to enhance their looks in order to appear more attractive to men.

The moment they got engaged in a relationship, they will shout to the world how enchanting the romance they found but after a few months the same person will be found in despair due to the betrayal of their partner . They fell in love so easily only to be broken hearted suddenly.

Being in a relationship is not always the answer to a woman’s loneliness. Cynthia was nearing forty years of age and seemingly Mr Right was still very elusive at this point in time. She cannot wait for further years , she signed up in an online dating site and uploaded a very lovely profile photo. Her lovely profile picture attracted a lot of prospects. She met several single men in that online dating site and there was one particular guy who pursued her seriously. After several weeks of chatting Cynthia found herself in a relationship with this man from an Asian country who introduced himself as Ricky. During the first few months of this long distance relationship, life had been so exciting for Cynthia. She felt so much loved by this Asian guy since she almost daily received love text messages from him aside from giving her a constant call at night, in addition to receiving email messages almost daily. She was in an emotional high most of the time and felt so much adored . After a few years of being in a long distance relationship, Cynthia noticed one time that Ricky was not keeping in touch with her for several days and she discovered later that Ricky had spent Christmas holiday with another woman. Cynthia suffered from a severe emotional blow because of this circumstance. She tried to resolve her loneliness only to be emotionally afflicted .

Being in a relationship may give you excitement and emotional high but it does not necessarily mean happiness. Many times it may cause you anxiety and insecurity if the guy is not that mature or has a tendency to play around. Temptations will always found its way in a relationship . If your man is not that strong to handle temptations it may bring you despair and a broken heart. Being romantically attached with an immature man will not bring a woman happiness but only disappointment and frustration. Do not be in a hurry to be in a relationship , be discerning with the kind of man you will attach yourself. Don’t be hasty in falling in love just for the sake of being attuned with the trend of time. To be engaged in a relationship does not always promise happiness to a once single woman. Many times, relationship causes a woman to experience depression.

2) Singleness is not equivalent to loneliness

A lot of single ladies seemingly consider their status as a curse . This should not be the case for there are lots of single women in the world who were able to maximize their single life and have turned it into an asset instead of a curse. One single woman I really admire is the world renowned evangelist Corrie Ten Boom who started traveling the world in her mid fifties to bring the message of hope , love and forgiveness found in the Gospel of Christ. She was able to visit more than fifty countries in her lifetime preaching the Gospel of Christ and the forgiveness that can be found in Him. She was engaged in traveling until her eighties . She was retired only by her weakening health condition. She was able to accomplish great tasks for the kingdom of God. For her, the Kingdom of God is the greatest pearl and the only one worth toiling for. Such great accomplishment in the kingdom is not possible if one is tied to the task of taking care of a sick husband.

In our time today, there are some single women who are rediscovering the essence of womanhood in being single. Being unattached, they have so much freedom to explore the many facets of life which include continuing education or advanced studies, friendships, traveling, short term missions, social activities, creative arts, charitable works, volunteer works, and many other meaningful activities. If you are single, you have so much freedom to engage yourself to many activities that will enrich your life further and rediscover your essence as an individual.

Lilian is a single woman who is able to maximize her single life and bring out the best of life by engaging herself in meaningful short term mission endeavour together with a team of single professionals. Being the director of Influencers International Manila, professional ministry of Campus Crusade for Christ, she is able to direct her teams in engaging to mission activities that bring great help and relief to many underprivileged folks from the provinces of the Philippines and even to other Asian countries.

Her teams of professionals are also engaged in carrying out meaningful forum and seminars relevant to the career life of professionals. Although already in her fifties and still single, Lilian ‘s life is far from futility and emptiness but always filled with excitement and challenges. Doing short term missions twice a year, they have already reached almost all the islands of the Philippines and other Asian countries wherein Christianity is still a minor religion.

Being happy in being single depends on your attitude. Engaging yourself in endeavours that will redefine you as an individual will be helpful. Consider singleness as an asset rather than a curse. Consider the opportunities and fields you can explore as a single person.


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    • cristina327 profile imageAUTHOR

      Cristine Santander 

      8 months ago from Manila

      Thanks for a great litany of arguments. The thing that really matters is contentment in whatver state we are in either attached or unattached. You can be married multiple times and yet stll not happy or you can be single and content.

    • dashingscorpio profile image


      8 months ago

      Ironically people who are "happy" seldom have a difficult time attracting a mate. Being happy and enjoying one's life an attractive quality. Most people would prefer to be around positive people!

      "She met several single men in that online dating site and there was one particular guy who pursued her seriously. After several weeks of chatting Cynthia {found herself} in a relationship with this man from an Asian country who introduced himself as Ricky."

      Lets not overlook the fact Cynthia (chose) Ricky!

      As you noted she met "several single men" but said (yes) to Ricky.

      You can't help who finds you attractive but the truth of the matter is nothing happens until (you) say "yes" to someone!

      Each of us (chooses) our own friends, lovers, and spouse.

      Each of us has our own mate selection process/must haves list.

      Each of us has our own boundaries and "deal breakers".

      Long distance relationships are meant to be temporary! The goal is to be with the person you love. Whenever there is no "light at the end of the tunnel" whereby someone has made plans to relocate to be with the other couples will (usually) drift apart.

      It's the counting down of the months, weeks, and days until one is finally done with the inconvenience of being in a long distance relationship that keeps it strong!

      The only valid reason for being in a LDR is the belief you have met "the one". Otherwise if you're simply dating for the fun of it you may as well do that locally. One man's opinion! :)

      It's unfortunate that even in 2019 many women are obsessed with the "fairytale" and base their worth on their marital status.

      Society "grooms" little girls by giving them baby dolls and strollers to push around, Easy-Bake Ovens, Ken & Barbie's Playhouse and they are read stories about the princess, knights in shining armor, and Prince Charming.

      They dream of having a man get down on one knee extending a giant diamond ring towards them while asking for their hand in marriage. In fact the "wedding day" is the closest most women will ever come to living out the fantasy of being a "princess".

      During the ceremony when the groom walks into the church it almost goes unnoticed. However when {the bride} walks in with her white gown the music begins to play and EVERYONE stands up!

      It's no wonder there are "bridezillas" determined to have the "perfect" day to make their "fairytale" a reality.

      The groom is just a "prop"!

      Single doesn't mean being lonely or even being alone. Anyone who is not married is (legally single) even if they cohabitate with a lover, are in a monogamous relationship, dating multiple people without a commitment, or having the occasional one night stand, booty call, or "friends with benefits" arrangement.

      Being single doesn't mean living the lifestyle of a nun or a monk!

      Single means freedom and having options to do as one pleases.

      Life is a (personal) journey!

      There are many married people who wish they were single or never gotten married. There are single people who wish they were married.

      Clearly with a divorce rate hovering around 50% marriage isn't exactly living up to the "fairytale" for a lot of women.

      According to an ARRP survey it's (women) who initiate 66% or 2/3rds of divorce filings in the U.S. Another study revealed divorced men often remarry sooner than divorced women.

      This would suggest divorced women tend to enjoy their newfound freedom and independence after discovering the fairytale doesn't exist. They've learned they can be happily single.

      "The grass is always greener on the side (you) water."

      - Neil Barryingham

      Lastly for those women who want to be married and yet would never consider proposing marriage, a lot of their misery is self-inflicted. The real empowerment in life comes from being proactive not reactive.

      There have been women in long-term relationships for years with men they love and they insist upon "waiting" for them to propose.

      Once again it's the "fairytale" at work.

      A woman proposing seems "desperate" in their mind.

      If you get what you want it shouldn't matter who proposed. Finding out where you stand can save you time!

      In a world with over 7 Billion people rejection just means: Next!


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