- Gender and Relationships»
- Advice & Tips for Women in Relationships
Being Single is The New Black!
Being Single doesn't mean, you're a dud!
"It must suck for you...being alone around Christmas?" This is a usual exchange between some friends and I during Christmas Season and every other special occasion, not to mention Valentine's Day!"No worries there mate! I finally asked Santa for a man" I said with my usual sarcastic glare.
I'm fine being free, available, single and disengaged.
Alright, alright I'll be honest. I was never always, truly fine being single when I was younger. Everyone telling you about this boy that fancies them, their new crush another date, new boyfriend and here was I single. The ultimate single friend. Every friend I have no matter what friendship group they're in knows that's me. It sucked, yes I know I can insert some more profound vocab here but it sucked....ass!
I've had 2 boyfriends, none of which were serious, so I never refer to them as actual boyfriends. I've had guys interested, really interested but stood my ground. I didn't know it then. I began thinking there was something wrong with me, that I was loser, not pretty enough, you know negative things in general. I've always been a bit of a chubber-I'm not humongous or anything but I'm not skinny-curvy/hourglass. I'm also very hard on myself so my self image came under blows towards the end of my teenage years.
University helped, I found myself...properly. I knew exactly who I was and was ready to run with it. I lost myself again towards the end. Long story short-I was betrayed by a very close friend who made me think something was wrong with me. I've now cut her out and am BETTER than ever and more importantly I now understand why it's good to be single.
Times have changed....
So making the choice to remain single and/or not have children has become more acceptable.
There are many reasons women choose to stay single...this is NOT that hub.
Once through the influence of friends I believed, I needed a boyfriend in order to be happy; to enjoy my youth. It is felt by many during teenage life that a boyfriend is a need and one's incapability to get one is rued. I wanted one so badly, it drived me crazy on an inward level, not during my teenage years but towards the end [19-21]. I argued with myself- it was get a man vs. sort yourself out first!
I want to find a man, fall in love, get married and have kids...all in good time.
I wish people would STOP behaving like I'm depriving myself. I'm doing what's right for me. So should every woman out there-especially the single ladies.
My choice to be single was a choice I made for me. So many people have said to me I need to date to maintain my social skills. Are you serious?! I don't need to have a man around to have good social skills. I need to be social! I have fun, I go out, do things I like, be around my friends etc. so my social skills haven't depleted. I can work on my chat up lines a bit more but it's not like I'm the only one in that boat.
I want to be totally sure of myself before I find a guy/fall in love. I will be no good in a relationship right now. I'd become needy; he'll have to remind me that I was beautiful and justify why he wanted to be with me. I'd hesitate in trusting him, get insanely insecure when we walk arm in arm and a woman, I find sexier/more appealing than me walks past.
The choice was made so I could focus on my life. I wanted to channel my energies into finding me before love. I believe that I need to complete myself; engaging in a relationship otherwise might lead me to think the man I'm with can complete me when I know better.
Even though I have found myself, I remain single because I need to compound what I've found. I'm fortifying my self esteem, working on becoming healthier, job hunting for that job that will carve out my career, writing a book, embarking on moving out my parent's home (again).
I want to become a strong, independent woman, capable of holding her own in any relationship. I'm not as nearly as strong or independent as I could be. Everyone has baggage but it's healthier to enter new relationships with as little as possible. So I'm cleaning out my closet as best I can. I've spent so many years beating up myself, I just want to live and love me.
I put a timeline on my path to love when I was younger. I'm not anymore. If it finds me I won't turn it away but I'm not looking for it right now.
All the Single Ladies, put your hands up!
If You Like it Put a Ring on It!
Beyonce sings a good game, but it's not like she's single, right.
For the younger single girls, don't worry, having a boyfriend does not define who you are. I wish I knew this years ago. Don't give in to peer pressure, I know it's hard but do your best to be resilient. Slower is often better. Be true to you, know who you are and own it! No one else will be able to do it for you...boyfriend, family, friends NO ONE. You're in charge of you and no one could make you feel inferior unless you let them.
For the single ladies out there like me on a mission for ourselves, keep your head up, never mind the haters (they make you stronger), love yourself honestly and those who love you in return. Never be afraid of being the utmost best you can be. I was...now I know I owe it to myself. This is the one life I get, the one body I'm allowed, it's about time I do right by both.
Enjoy your freedom. Try something new. Pamper yourself. Read a good book. Even the little things can will make you enjoy yourself and being single.
The following is one of my favourite inspirational quotes, I hope it does for you what it does for me
‘Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond imagination. It is our light more than our darkness which scares us. We ask ourselves – who are we to be brilliant, beautiful, talented, and fabulous. But honestly, who are you to not be so? Marianne Williamson
We can be beautiful, talented, and fabulous. So let's be that!
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