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Being a Good Friend is a Full TIme Job

Updated on June 16, 2013

Be there to wipe the tears

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Good Friends Make Life Safe and Happy

I have been going through an introspecitve period lately and writing about ideas that I just get on the spur of the moment. You can have many wonderful friends in life..and I am not talking acquaintances..but real friends. However there are just a few people in your life who you can really be extra close with. Friends require time, energy and work; and if you are not willing to give that energy, the person is not one of your best friends. How many times have you called a friend and asked for help? How many times has a friend called you and asked for help or just a listening ear?


A good friend will need some help

I have a very good friend who is going to have surgery, and it is apparent to me that she will never ask for any help. She is right handed and is having surgery on her right shoulder and she will have little or no mobility for about 8 weeks. It is going to be very difficult for her to do much. No, I am not going over to dress her and put make up on everyday...but I would help with maybe the makeup. Even though her husband can run errands and even clean, she will need some extra help and support. She loves my cooking, so it will be easy to bring food over to her and cook up some meals to put in her freezer. I also want to be available to help in any way that I can. I know she would do this for me. Now that is a good friendship.

Why is a friend a full time job?

Perhaps the word full time is a bit of an exaggeration. I personally believe you can only be a good friend to a few people unless you want to run yourself ragged. I believe in helping my good friends whenever I can. And frankly as we age there are often more causes to create this need. I am like most of you very busy with many things and doing things with my active husband, We both have lots of interests, hobbies and of course there is my writing. Just surviving in today's landscape takes lots of time. Life has become far more coplicated than it was even 10 years ago.

I remember back when I was single and I had about 50 girlfriends ,and it was exhausting keeping up with all of them. And i found out most were just acquaintances who I enjoyed being with. There was a time when I really needed some good friends and that daunting experience separated the acquaintances from the real friends. And sadly we often find out that people we thought were friends really are not.

It is always fun to share secrets with friends.

You may have to help in different ways

Help a friend clean her house.
Help a friend clean her house.

What Constitutes a Really Good Friend

  • One who you can call anytime day or night with a problem
  • one who will be there for you when necessary
  • One who you share many of the same values
  • One who listens as well as talks
  • One who is fun and you look forward to spending time with.

Go to the phone immediately and call your best friend and say thanks for being there.

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    • kenneth avery profile image

      Kenneth Avery 3 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Hi, Carol ,

      I really enjoyed this fantastic hub. It was well-written. Loved the lay-out and use of graphics. I couldn't vote any other way but Up and all of the buttons.

      You are so right. A good friend is a full-time job. I have heard it said that a good friend is like God. They know all of your faults, but love you anyway.

      You have a wonderful gift for writing. I admire you for the job that you do.

      I am going now to leave you some fan mail that I want you to read. Then I am going to follow you. I simply ask that you look at two or three of my offerings and be one of my followers.

      Thank you sincerely.

      Kenneth/ from northwest Alabama and glad to be alive.

    • carol7777 profile image
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      carol stanley 4 years ago from Arizona

      Sometimes that does happen..I keep only a few close to me as friends...Because friends take time and energy..and we all have just enough for a few.

    • MartieCoetser profile image

      Martie Coetser 4 years ago from South Africa

      Beautiful and profound hub about friends. I wish I had more time and also money to support my friends. Sadly, a day has only 24 hours and surviving as well as taking care of and supporting our closest relatives take up most of our time. The biggest disappointment is the realization that a friend is not a friend at all :)

    • Indian Chef profile image

      Indian Chef 4 years ago from New Delhi India

      Hi carol a wonderful Hub with lots of things that i agree with.

    • Eiddwen profile image

      Eiddwen 4 years ago from Wales

      A wonderful hub carol and voted up as always.

      Eddy.

    • blondey profile image

      Rosemary Amrhein 4 years ago from Boston, MA

      I agree with CrisSp, that quality is better than quantity. I love a busy active social life, but when it comes down to it, a have a few very close friends and I would not have time to give 20+ people so much attention, I wouldn't have the time.

    • janices7 profile image

      Janice S 4 years ago

      I had to check out this hub because the title hit me as completely true! Nice writing here, I have to say I agree!

    • CrisSp profile image

      CrisSp 4 years ago from Sky Is The Limit Adventure

      Damn straight Carol! Now pardon me for that but your points are all so true and valid specially as we grow older.

      Having said that, I would admit I have fewer friends now; I can count them with my fingers and I mean real friends who are much more than the webster's definition of the word itself. Couple of them now live miles away from me but no matter what, I can still comfortably phone them or message them at any time of the day (and vice versa). Simply put, older but wiser and quantity vs quality.

      Great, delightful hub in which we can all relate. Voting up, pinning and sharing.

    • carol7777 profile image
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      carol stanley 4 years ago from Arizona

      Than you Rolly for visiting and appreciating your good friends who are chosen family.

    • Rolly A Chabot profile image

      Rolly A Chabot 4 years ago from Alberta Canada

      Hi Carol... I do love and value a good friendship. I guess I consider myself blessed in many ways. I can count some of those on one hand. You know the kind that you can simply pick up the phone and take yourselves back tio the the last time you chatted...

      Hugs and Blessings as always... love ya girl

    • carol7777 profile image
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      carol stanley 4 years ago from Arizona

      Thank you joan and it is true..so we don't need many of these friends and also you can give more attention to the few you have.

    • joanwz profile image

      Joan Whetzel 4 years ago from Katy, Texas

      This is so true. Good friends are willing to help each other out, without being asked sometimes, because it is important. It builds strong relationships with each other because you need each other.

    • Suzie HQ profile image

      Suzanne Ridgeway 4 years ago from Dublin, Ireland

      Hi Carol,

      True friends are rare and when you have them you need to treasure them, they are worth their weight in gold for sure. My dad who is extremely social, always out with friends once said he may have a great many acquaintances but true friends he could count on one hand. This was so evident when we lost my mum, dad's true friends showed their colors in incredible ways that only true friends would do. Great thoughtout hub Carol, voted up, useful, interesting, shared on.

    • carol7777 profile image
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      carol stanley 4 years ago from Arizona

      They do indeed..As we get older they mean even more..and they need us more and we need them. Thanks for stopping by and commenting.

    • Nell Rose profile image

      Nell Rose 4 years ago from England

      Hi carol, it seems we both had similar things on our minds, what with our friends needing help with hospital stuff, I hope your friend is okay, and she is lucky to have you, our friends mean a lot to us, nell

    • carol7777 profile image
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      carol stanley 4 years ago from Arizona

      How sweet you are Debbie: Friends matter a lot, especially to me with all the family sadness I have had. You don't need many but you need to trust and know the friend is there for you. You are a dear sweet person...and have made Hubpages very special for me..Blessings back atcha

    • Deborah Brooks profile image

      Deborah Brooks Langford 4 years ago from Brownsville,TX

      Carol You have inspired me to tell all my girlfriends thanks

      I just want to say thanks FOR being a GREAT FRIEND.. love you girlfriend

      I feel like I can trust you and that means a lot.. and that includes you

      blessings

      sharing

      Debbie

    • carol7777 profile image
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      carol stanley 4 years ago from Arizona

      Livingsta: thanks for votes and sharing. I am glad you see it the way I do. Thanks again.

    • carol7777 profile image
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      carol stanley 4 years ago from Arizona

      We have lived in many places and I have had many friends..I miss many of them..However we just need one or two. Thanks for comments Fullerman5000

    • carol7777 profile image
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      carol stanley 4 years ago from Arizona

      Sallybea: Gold for sure. YOu said it well.Thanks so much for visiting.

    • carol7777 profile image
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      carol stanley 4 years ago from Arizona

      Thank you ImKarn...It is a big truth.. .I don't want a gazillion friends..I have some fun acquaintances but the real ones...well you know. Hope you are feeling well and all is going superly. Thanks for votes and shares.

    • carol7777 profile image
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      carol stanley 4 years ago from Arizona

      Gypsy: All friends are a blessing but a few are really like family.

    • carol7777 profile image
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      carol stanley 4 years ago from Arizona

      You are lucky to have two special friends. I have two also. One is more fun but the other would be there for me no matter what. Thanks for the votes.

    • carol7777 profile image
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      carol stanley 4 years ago from Arizona

      Jean--I so agree..I want to spend time with people I like..I spent years spending time with people for my kids, work, husband etc. Thanks so much.

    • carol7777 profile image
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      carol stanley 4 years ago from Arizona

      aviannovice: It is so true and sometimes we do have a good friend and they can disappoint us..SOmetimes I wish I were thicker skinned.

    • livingsta profile image

      livingsta 4 years ago from United Kingdom

      Beautiful hub and so true Carol. Real friends are hard to find, and I understand what you have mentioned here as a full time job :-)

      Thank you for sharing this with us. Voted up, beautiful and sharing!

    • Fullerman5000 profile image

      Ryan Fuller 4 years ago from Louisiana, USA

      This is so very true and couldn't have read this piece at a better time. Throughout my years so many friends have come and gone in my life. And here I get sad and depressed when I am not close to some of those friends like I want to be. But then I realize that I have a few really good and close friends in my life that mean a lot to me. One I have known since I was four. Sometimes it isn't how many friends you have, but how many best and close friends you have and I am okay with the fact that I can count them all on one hand.

    • sallybea profile image

      Sally Gulbrandsen 4 years ago from Norfolk

      Carol7777 A good friend is like a nugget of gold. If you find one, treasure them. They sure are rare but if you are lucky enough to pan one, you will be rich beyond words.

    • ImKarn23 profile image

      Karen Silverman 4 years ago

      i found myself nodding in agreement the entire read, Carol! I've NEVER understood how some women seem to be able to maintain a zillion friendships! i've never been able to - why? Cause - exactly like you say - i just don't have the time to invest...

      i agree - to be a good friend takes time, and effort - and desire!

      I have a couple friends like this and - what more could a girl ask for..

      This was great reinforcement - thanks, dear!

      up and sharing on..have a great sunday!

    • Gypsy Rose Lee profile image

      Gypsy Rose Lee 4 years ago from Riga, Latvia

      Voted up. Great friends can't be beat. For awhile I felt lost not being able to find my high school friends and then made contact through the net with one of my very best friends and now we write most every day. Still keep in touch with other friends too who I've known all my life. Love the warm feelings I get from my friends on HP and FB as well even though we've never met so friendships are grand all around.

    • grandmapearl profile image

      Connie Smith 4 years ago from Southern Tier New York State

      Carol, you are absolutely right; good friends do take a lot of energy. But, that is time and energy very well spent. You are a good friend to help with your friends recovery, even if she would never ask it of you. Happily, my Mom was my best friend. We had a great relationship ever since I can remember. She's gone now, but I have a new 2 new best friends who I know would be there for me no matter what. That is a true gift! Voted Up++

      ;) Pearl

    • Jean Bakula profile image

      Jean Bakula 4 years ago from New Jersey

      Hi Carol,

      My Mom always told me you were really lucky in life if you had ONE great friend who was always there for you. I was lucky enough to have that wonderful friend, she passed on several years ago. But I also realize that as we get older we do get more selective about how we spend our time and energy, and who we spend it with. I am sort of quiet, but when younger traveled with a big crowd. Now I have just a few acquaintances that are interested in the same things, or couples my husband and I socialize with. And sometimes all it takes is a phone call from somebody special too!

    • aviannovice profile image

      Deb Hirt 4 years ago from Stillwater, OK

      You are right, Carol, a friendship requires time to cultivate it and keep it growing. Friends come and go, and we find out where we stand soon enough. But those great friendships, those are worth every minute of the time that we invest.

    • carol7777 profile image
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      carol stanley 4 years ago from Arizona

      Thank you kidscrafts. Good friends are very special..Thanks for lovely votes.

    • carol7777 profile image
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      carol stanley 4 years ago from Arizona

      That is so true DRBJ: Thanks for visiting..always nice to see you.

    • kidscrafts profile image

      kidscrafts 4 years ago from Ottawa, Canada

      Excellent article Carol! Good friends are precious and it's important to keep those relationships healthy. Even if I moved more than 30 years ago from Europe, I still have very good friends on the other side of the ocean. And when we meet, we reconnect as before; it's a nice feeling!

      Voted up and awsome, Carol!

    • drbj profile image

      drbj and sherry 4 years ago from south Florida

      The title of your hub says it all, carol. To have a good friend, you must be a good friend - full time.

    • carol7777 profile image
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      carol stanley 4 years ago from Arizona

      Thank you Eddy as always....

    • Eiddwen profile image

      Eiddwen 4 years ago from Wales

      Oh so true and a wonderful share carol.

      Eddy.

    • carol7777 profile image
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      carol stanley 4 years ago from Arizona

      Thank you Breakfastpop...Always enjoy a visit and thanks for kind words and votes.

    • breakfastpop profile image

      breakfastpop 4 years ago

      I have a few dear friends. We go way back together and are still tight. They mean the world to me, so much so that we are like sisters. I love your hub and I am voting it up and awesome.

    • carol7777 profile image
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      carol stanley 4 years ago from Arizona

      Thank you Pstraubie: It is so true. And the reality some people are only able to give just so much..Thanks again for stopping by.

    • pstraubie48 profile image

      Patricia Scott 4 years ago from sunny Florida

      Carol

      You are a friend indeed for sure and your friend is very fortunate. Being a friend means being willing to put yourself out and not thinking it is something more to do

      When I had double pneumonia my friends and Angels rocked. They did so much to help my family and I that it was very humbling.

      Sending Angels today Carol to you and your friend. :) ps

    • carol7777 profile image
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      carol stanley 4 years ago from Arizona

      DDE: Absolutely true and thanks for visiting.

    • carol7777 profile image
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      carol stanley 4 years ago from Arizona

      It is fine to vent and truthfully I totally agree with you...No problem.

    • carol7777 profile image
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      carol stanley 4 years ago from Arizona

      CMCastro: Thank you so much for your lovely words..And I will for sure.

    • carol7777 profile image
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      carol stanley 4 years ago from Arizona

      Rajan: Everyone has a different idea of a friend..and many people have less needs for friendships. and what is important to them

    • carol7777 profile image
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      carol stanley 4 years ago from Arizona

      Blondey: I so agree with you. People are so thoughtless and being of sensitive nature I have to watch out.

    • carol7777 profile image
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      carol stanley 4 years ago from Arizona

      Thank you mperrottet: Always good to see you. Thanks for comments and you are so right.

    • carol7777 profile image
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      carol stanley 4 years ago from Arizona

      piclesandrufus: Thanks for stopping by and I am glad you have friends you can count on.

    • DDE profile image

      Devika Primić 4 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Good friends are hard to find and once you have that true friend you got to hold on to them and appreciate their efforts too.

    • blondey profile image

      Rosemary Amrhein 4 years ago from Boston, MA

      Sorry I was venting! This is a good hub, I def have good friends :)

    • CMCastro profile image

      Christina M. Castro 4 years ago from Baltimore,MD USA

      A True Friend is nonjudgemental, and caring and always there to listen. We can all join you in extending the hub, because a true friend goes a long way... I am glad to have found you finally here on hubpages, and I look forward to reading more, perhaps to be inspired some more. Thank you, Carol. Look for me here and on Facebook. :)

    • rajan jolly profile image

      Rajan Singh Jolly 4 years ago from From Mumbai, presently in Jalandhar,INDIA.

      Very useful and interesting hub, Carol! True friends are rare and their friendship should be nurtured carefully.

      Voting this up, useful and sharing.

    • blondey profile image

      Rosemary Amrhein 4 years ago from Boston, MA

      You know what really saddens me is the more I learn and get older, the more I see how often humans hurt each other intentionally and non intentionally. It's rare to have a "best friend" and if you have one, you're very blessed!

    • mperrottet profile image

      Margaret Perrottet 4 years ago from Pennsauken, NJ

      I've had only had a few good friends in my entire life, and you're right - I don't think you have time for many more really good friends. I like your analysis of what constitutes a good friend. Voted up and useful.

    • picklesandrufus profile image

      picklesandrufus 4 years ago from Virginia Beach, Va

      I think you are right. Friendship is work but worth it. Glad to say I have a few real friends. Enjoyed your hub.

    • carol7777 profile image
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      carol stanley 4 years ago from Arizona

      thank you Bill and back atcha!!!!!

    • carol7777 profile image
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      carol stanley 4 years ago from Arizona

      feythef: It is and being a good friend and having one is where its at.

    • carol7777 profile image
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      carol stanley 4 years ago from Arizona

      Thank you Blondey

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      True words, Carol, and I have no doubt that you are a very good friend. One only has to know you a short while here on HP to know you have the qualities necessary to make you someone a friend can rely on. :)

    • faythef profile image

      Faythe F. 4 years ago from USA

      So very true carol7777 so true ..

    • blondey profile image

      Rosemary Amrhein 4 years ago from Boston, MA

      I like it/ I agree/ nice!

    • carol7777 profile image
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      carol stanley 4 years ago from Arizona

      So true my friend. Thanks for stopping by and commenting....

    • carol7777 profile image
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      carol stanley 4 years ago from Arizona

      I agree MJ: Thanks for stopping by.

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      Shauna L Bowling 4 years ago from Central Florida

      Carol, I can safely say I can count my good friends on one hand. Well, maybe two since I've come to HP. But as far as those I interact with physically, a bare few.

      Acquaintances are a dime a dozen, but true friends are worth their weight in salt!

    • profile image

      mjkearn 4 years ago

      Hi Carol

      Very true words spoken regarding the difference between acquaintances and true friends. True friends are genuinely worth their weight in gold.

      MJ.