- Gender and Relationships
Best Relationships - Mothers and daughters
Never Ending Love
I have four girls and I feel I am one of the most blessed mums on the planet to have daughters that I love dearly and love me just as much. Each of them are unique strong independent women and I am grateful and thank God every day for them As I write this hub I have just found out that my baby girl and her husband are moving to Brisbane to take on a job offer too good to refuse, some 1000 or so Kilometres north of Sydney. So I am writing this hub as a a little bit of a catharsis to help deal with the sense of loss that she will leave. So please bare with me as I make my way through what will probably be my most emotional hub and most likely my least professional or well written but I need to write this down and hope it will bring some relief from the sadness I feel and get it out of my head.
Beginnings... I've always loved my girls from the very first moment that I saw their exquisite tiny scrunched up perfect little faces at birth to the rambunctious behaviors of toddler hood and the bitter sweet teenage years.
I Never Knew...and it's funny but no one could have explained to me before my first child was born the depths of what I was going to feel for them...and each one since... how much in love with them I could fall... the indescribable joy of all the firsts... first smile; first word; first...you know how it goes. Or how protective I would feel taking them to playgroup for the first time when the inner lioness springs from the depths within if the big bad boys knock them down or take away their toys... or how to cope with my own sense of inadequacy as a new mum when they throw an inevitable tantrum...Oh bliss... Or packing their bags for her first day at preschool and swallow the lump in my throat as they wave good bye in their delight to play with the other kids and thankfully don't notice my heart breaking just that little bit more...or the first day at school when standing at the gate, brushing away the tears and don't want to leave them with the stranger who will take over my place of influence in their life. Who will fix their knee if they fall and scrape it you think... who will kiss their finger better when they think they break it... who will...oh well...you sigh!
Then the firsts in the school years. The first school play or group performance where the tears well up in my eyes and my chest swells with pride as I sit and watch and I say 'that's my girl'...then the awards won sometimes for academic excellence or class helper are mounted with pride on the fridge door for everyone who visits to see and to say 'well done, mama' .Yes of course it had to be me...
And all too soon the years pass bye, and I sit at the school gate and cry, and wonder why the years have flown by so fast. She's left now, she's gone, she's grown up, moved on...I know I know I get it I do but it's hard you know she is my last.
And then comes the first date... the first kiss...the first boy... and the lioness in me surfaces once more and I think go away, stay away, please don't come back.
It doesn't work, they stay and she's engaged. Then marriage... and I stand and watch breathless as she says 'I Do' and try to stop her life's video replay in my head. I cry inwardly, and she turns and smiles and I melt and he's lovely and she's happy and I'm okay and we party and dance till we are spent...
Soon their gone and I can't believe she's going... I never thought she would and I'm sad. But I know it's alright, it has to be and I'll see her often and I'll still feel that love, that intense, deep love even stronger... not so much the ferocious lion type now rises but ... that strong rip your heart out kind of love that only a mother can feel... and I know that know matter where they are that nothing can break the bond between us.
More than Love
And I've learned some things along the way and some not very easily... that have strengthened my relationship with my daughters as young women. And I just want to say that I believe as a mum of four girls that nurturing a young girl into a young woman around the ages of 18- 25 is by far the most challenging stage of parenting; in terms of letting them go and make decisions and choices for themselves, some that I didn't like or felt was right for them; but it can also be the time of motherhood that can be the most rewarding.
Some things I've learned are...
Believing in them... you have to believe in them to make their own choices and decisions even when you think they are wrong. After all who gave you the right to think you are right? It's their life and they have the right to choose what they want to be,where they will live, who they want to marry etc.
Determination... it takes determination to make your relationship work even when... they might love someone you don't think is good for them...but unless there is abuse or infidelity or neglect, chances are they have to work it out for themselves. And believe me, pouting, shouting and nagging is not a good approach. It's best to clearly and lovingly let them know how you feel and leave it at that.
Encourage their Attempts at Becoming a Woman...Your daughters are not you...and they don't have to be...they may be like you but they are their own person. I can remember vividly being a new mum and housewife living a long distance from my mum and calling and hearing mum's loving words of encouragement when I'd stuffed up another meal, burnt a cake or couldn't settle an endlessly crying baby... and feeling the strength to get up and go on again... and I decided that I never wanted to be an 'I told you so' kind of parent because I think it harms and divides a loving relationship.
And now we make a point to get together regularly to enjoy one anothers company and do things like movie nights together where we get in our pj's and eat popcorn and sometimes go out for cocktails and dancing or dinner and the theater.
So not taking away anything at all from a mother son relationship because they are pretty special too... it is such a joy to have the love and friendship of my girls no matter how far they are away.