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The Best Techniques in Responding and Replying to An Ex's Texts

Updated on September 9, 2018

Have you been dumped through text? Do you feel humiliated or degraded by such an insensitive consideration? Are you wondering how you should respond and/or reply when you receive a 'the-relationship-is-over-between-you-and-I' text?

It is quite confusing how you should respond especially if you don't want to cut ties forever - you want to mend the differences so that you can be back together.

First of all, let us find out why responding positively is beneficial however you've been dumped.

Responding To a Breakup Text

It is very important you respond as positively as possible. You might wonder why you should respond positively when your now-ex didn’t have the courtesy or integrity to deliver the breaking news by calling or telling you face-to-face. The next possible thing you will do after receiving the text is to reply as quickly as possible, giving your partner a piece of your mind - take it or leave it.

You need to take your time. Don't respond immediately. Digest the information. Let it sink in. Feel the pain. Feel the emotions. When you feel calm, when your heartbeat has resonated back to its normal beating, construct your thoughts. After you've done so, bring the completed thought in form of text, type it. When you've completed composing the thought in form of text, go through it. If you're satisfied with the message, send it.

Don't rash back. Don't tell him what a jack he is. Don't tell him what an asshole he is. Don't use any vulgar words in order to deliver the expected effect. It doesn't help in any way, and it isn't the right way of letting your partner know how you feel or the right method of dealing with the pain.

You should not reply in an instant when you receive the message if you’ve made out you won’t respond positively. Take your time. You can reply when you feel you are ready, even if it’s after a day or week. You won't think soberly when you are under the influence of hurtful emotions.

Engage in other activities that will calm your thoughts. Visit your friends. Confide to your close friend what has happened to you or to a mature person you can count on his/her support. Watch a movie, listen to songs, read a novel, take a walk, play with your pet, and so on until you feel you're in control of the hurtful emotions.

If you respond negatively, you might complicate matters when it comes to reconciling, or in your healing, recovering from the breakup and moving on. Whether you want to get back with your ex or not, if you respond negatively you'll be affected psychologically including your now-ex. Either or both of you might end up depressed, develop low self-esteem, develop physical problems associated with how either or both of you have been affected psychologically as a result of your negative response.

Better Health Channel states that if the negative emotions - hate, anger, jealousy, sadness - are used in the right context they are completely natural. Nonetheless, if they are utilized improperly, they "...can dampen our enthusiasm for life, depending on how long we let them affect us and the way we chose to express them."

Furthermore, "Negative emotions stop us from thinking and behaving rationally and seeing situations in their true perspective. When this occurs, we tend to see only what we want to see and remember only what we want to remember. This only prolongs the anger or grief and prevents us from enjoying life."

Examples of Replies to Breakup Texts

In the likelihood you receive a breakup text; the following examples will offer an idea on how to reply to such texts.

If you feel you're not in control of your emotions, you don't need to retaliate. You need to take time to calm down so that you're able to sort your thoughts concretely.


I have received your text that you no longer want to be in relationship with me. Right now, I feel a lot of pain in my heart as a result of receiving this alarmingly news. I am speechless and don't know what to think or not.

Therefore, I am not in a better situation to respond to your text. When I am able to get hold of myself, I will get back to you with my response.

It's not necessary you let him know how you feel. Let him know you will respond to his breakup text when you feel you’re ready to do so.



I had envisioned a future life for both of us. It is something I was looking forward to - living together as a couple. However, it seems you didn’t, or never, share (d) the same sentiments.

Don't you think we can work out to solve the issues that led you to end the relationship? If I am the cause of the breakup because of things that I repeatedly did or say that led you to end the relationship, I am ready to make the necessary changes. I don't want to lose you.

Let me know.


I can't believe you have come to such a conclusion. You have given your reason(s) but I think we can work out. It's a matter of sitting down and finding the right steps to undertake.


I have been dumped five times by five different exes. In the first two instances, I begged. Not literally begging to the point of kneeling down. In the fourth breakup I had already learned the trade of responding breakups.

I believe once a person decides to break up with you, there is no point of begging for another chance. It is obvious that person doesn't want to be in relationship with you. Only a few broken relationships can be restored to its former self because the causes of the breakups might have resulted from misunderstanding or other minor issues. However, majority of breakups can never be recovered - the reason that led a partner to end the relationship isn't a minor issue but a major one.

This is the reason I insist that you should take your time to think things through before replying. When you think carefully, you will gain a better perspective whether it's better to try to give it a try or move on with your life.

How to Handle a Breakup Via Text or E-mail | MORE

I believe it's better to leave your now-ex in darkness as to how you feel concerning the 'bad' news, although in many breakups it isn't bad news, which we come to realize later. Don't let him know he has hurt you or you're feeling pain at the prospect of being dumped.

If you are sure you're not the cause of the breakup, there is no need for necessities.


I have read your message that you no longer want to be in relationship with me. I don't blame you. In life everybody arrives at a situation he/she needs to make decisions. You made yours. I won't try to talk you out of it since you've already decided you don’t want to be in a relationship with me.

I will miss you. Thank you for everything.

Don't try to create humor out of the situation through text as depicted in some YouTube videos. Do it to yourself not to your ex.


Don't you think we can work out to restore our relationship to its former self than saying it's over between us?

Sometimes, you can be rude but in a positive way. If your partner ended the relationship because he is 'seeing' another lady, his reason for ending the relationship is ridiculous, or you've found out the reason he gave for ending the relationship is ridiculous; you can reply by saying:


It was nice knowing you. It appears life never meant us to be together which is understandable.

You need to consider there are sensitive dumpers. They want to end the relationship in a low-key so as not to invite any unnecessary drama. They will give a reason that is sensible so as not to hurt you. Their reason for dumping you is justifiable but they feel if they tell you so, you will hate them forever. This is the reason why a few of the dumpers contact the dumpees in a few days or weeks to find out how they're fairing on. You might hate your ex when you realize this, but it's a wise step for them to take because they're will also be affected negatively when they realize you're still hanging on the balance.

What if you ask them to reconsider their decision but they decide to stick with it?


Since it's clear you don't want anything to do with me, I will have to accept your decision.

If you want to go an extra mile, you can decide not to reply at all. However, don't do this when you realize your ex is genuine in her reason of ending the relationship. If your ex dumped you because of another man, say:


It is interesting to note your reason for dumping me is because of another man. I don't wish the same for you. You don't need to worry about me because I will come out of this breakup in one piece, alive and beating.

Your Take: Responding to a Breakup Text

Do you think a person should respond politely and positively to a breakup text?

See results


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    • Ben716 profile imageAUTHOR

      Benny Njuguna 

      17 months ago from Kenya

      You are right DredCuan. It saves us a lot of heartache that we might experience ensuring we recover from such a negative situation in good time. It might seem hard but it isn't. It requires a strong will to reply or answer when we feel we are in control of our thoughts.

    • dredcuan profile image

      Dred Cuan 

      17 months ago from California

      Hi Ben,

      That's good on your part at least you've avoided whatever negative words you might utter when you immediately replied to your ex msg. Personally, your idea is for the betterment of everybody. This strategy is not only applicable for breakups, but also in those negative situations we might encounter on a daily basis.

    • Ben716 profile imageAUTHOR

      Benny Njuguna 

      17 months ago from Kenya

      Hi DredCuan,

      It is possible to reply positively. When person receives a breakup text he/she shouldn't respond immediately. The person needs to take time in order to construct his thoughts to avoid replying a regrettably message in the heat of the moment.

      This has worked for me especially the last two break ups. I replied as politely as possible which ensured I healed and recovered quickly from the breakup.

    • dredcuan profile image

      Dred Cuan 

      17 months ago from California

      I like how those break-up responses are written. But really, can somebody make such positive reply as those? Cause based on my experience, I wasn't able to control my temper during the break-up thru email. So I immediately replied in an angry manner and some harsh words if I can still remember it right.

    • Ben716 profile imageAUTHOR

      Benny Njuguna 

      18 months ago from Kenya

      I have to agree with you once again. Being dumped through text is not a dignified way of ending a relationship.

    • dashingscorpio profile image


      18 months ago

      It is very important you respond as positively as possible. - Wrong!

      Truth is if you've been dating someone for several months or years breaking up by text is disrespectful to say the least.

      Lets face it we text people because we don't want to talk to them.

      Text and emails are designed to give us the chance to say what we want to say without either being interrupted or challenged.

      Personally I don't believe you owe your ex any response after a text. Going forward ignore any attempts they make to contact you.

      Immediately launch into the "no contact rule" by blocking their phone number, email address, and unfriending them in your social media. Box up gifts/mementos they gave you and put them away.

      In a world with over 7 Billion people rejection just means: NEXT!

      Grieve among your friends/family and invest in building yourself up. Eventually you'll let go and move on. The important thing is not to buy into going from being "red hot lovers" to "instant platonic friends". You're not going to suddenly become "siblings".

      Whenever someone dumps you and offers friendship as a "consolation prize" it's because they don't want to feel like a "bad guy".

      Oftentimes the person who got dumped will accept the "friendship" because they secretly hope it will eventually lead to a reconciliation. Sometimes this leads to getting hurt again once they realize their ex is dating someone new or if they slip and have sex they learn their ex saw it as a "booty call" or a "friends with benefit" scenario.

      There is nothing your ex can say or do to help you feel better about them having broke your heart. He/she is the last person you need.

      Also know this; In order for your (ex) to have been "the one" he/she would have had to see (you) as being "the one". At the very least a "soulmate" is someone who actually wants to be with you!

      "Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary."

      - Oscar Wilde

      Every ending is a new beginning!


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