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Beware Of The GAYze!

Updated on June 10, 2010

So last night I’m coming out of my Zumba class (a Latin fitness class that dear God, makes me laugh much more than it probably ever gets me in shape – you can see that video below) so I’m walking out of the class and the participants of the next class are filing in as we are filing out. There is a guy who is about six four or so towering over everyone and as I’m going out the “out” door, he’s coming in the “in” door and we happened to make eye contact. Before a second could pass he immediately breaks eye contact and begins rubbing on the girl in front of him as he rushes her into the room. I don’t know if he thought he’d turn into a pillar of salt or something or maybe catch “the gay” from eye contact but one thing was sure, he was very worried. Beware of the GAYze! – Don’t Get Me Started!

While I will admit that I have been the victim of the gay eye contact that lasts too long until you’re more than a bit uncomfortable, the above experience was not one of them. I don’t know when it all started but I do know that it is not uncommon for gays who are seeking other gays to make an eye connection first as a way to lead to a love connection. I think back in the days before such scientific crap like gaydar was known (yes, I’m kidding) eye contact was one of the few ways to tell if someone was not only gay like you but also to find out if they were interested. That said there are some of us on this earth who believe that eye contact is a courteous thing. While still others believe the eyes are the windows to their soul and they don’t want all that many people looking into their souls.

In the case of the guy at the gym, for me it was just sort of odd that a simple thing like eye contact could make someone so uncomfortable. At first I was sort of offended because all that I had intended to do was to do a head nod in a sort of “what’s up” kind of way, believe me when I say nothing more. But then I started thinking that eye contact could be sort of a super power. If we gays could somehow harness our amazing laser like accuracy for making eye contact with other gays to form The LeaGAY of Justice and make straight people so nervous that they want to get away from us as soon as possible instead of beating us up we could become more powerful than the blacks who people cross the street to get away from simply because they’re black! Why not take advantage of the stupidity of people who are stupid and think this way? Wonder Twinks Activate!

Eye contact has always been very important to me. I’ve never trusted anyone who couldn’t make eye contact with me. In fact I’m such a Scorpio that if I ever am truly done with you, you’ll know by the way I stop making eye contact with you all together. I do it without even thinking about it or realizing it at this point. If you’ve crossed me in some way that I find reprehensible, I feel as though you don’t deserve the respect of my eye contact. Yes, eye contact is that significant to me. However, I don’t try to use it as some sort of gay man making device nor does every time I make eye contact with someone does it lead to a blow job in an alley. So relax guys, you’re safe.

Like most things in this world I think that fear causes us to do some crazy things. I’m not convinced that the people trying to hold onto their precious marriage for heterosexuality and God’s sake aren’t just afraid and so they’re doing their best to legislate against that which they are afraid of instead of really believing their whole argument that gays marrying will end civilization as we know it. They don’t have to admit they’re afraid if they just say they think it’s wrong and get a law passed to make sure that it can’t happen. But the problem is that passing a law doesn’t make the fear go away or even a Pastor like Ted Haggard with his drug fueled gay prostitute scandal from staying married and starting a new church. Late at night these homophobes have a lot of fear that they must take a lot of Ambien and Xanax to get rid of but they’ll never get rid of it. History has shown that more often than not, those that doth protest too much are really just afraid someone is going to find out they’re exactly what they’ve been protesting about. The people who are comfortable in their own skin make the eye contact, nod their heads and move on. Still, after this whole experience I’m really thinking about those super power stares and tried to perfect mine this morning when I was shaving. Turns out I look a lot more like Charles Manson than I thought! Beware of the GAYze! – Don’t Get Me Started!

Read More Scott @


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    • somelikeitscott profile image

      somelikeitscott 7 years ago from Las Vegas

      MH - Okay, should have been more specific, I was coming out of Zumba class, 6'4" man was coming in for Yoga class. And thanks for the compliment, we can always all use a little positive reinforcement, right?

    • MotherHubber profile image

      MotherHubber 7 years ago from Southern California

      First of all, Zumba? LMAO! Love it! Honey, no straight man that I know takes Zumba. It must feel good for him to get out of that crampy little closet and stretch his 6'4" homophobic limbs at a Zumba class. :) Shame on him for reading more into your polite eye contact than was really there. Rude!

      Good hub, friend. And Earth Angel is right. You look great!

    • Earth Angel profile image

      Earth Angel 7 years ago

      Hey you look GREAT!! That Zumba is really doing it for you!! Here's to looking at you!! Blessings, Earth Angel!!