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Black men on dating outside of their race

Updated on November 24, 2012

Straight from the Horses Mouth

Stepping out of the box and entering into something new won't always end up with a positive result. Dating can be a headache especially when you're limiting yourself from dating outside of the 'norm'. Is it possible to think outside of the box and still stay true to yourself?

I've never thought about putting a limit on who I date based on race. Since middle school I've crushed on many and race was never a factor. Though for some it is and that's understandable. You like what you like and there's nothing wrong with that. Unless you're blocking your true calling to falling in love with the person you're meant to fall in love with.

Having dated outside of my race, I've come across more than one guy that has experienced some negative feedback from non white men when it came to them dating 'black women'. Personally I've never experienced the snide comments and or nasty looks whenever I've been out publicly with a guy of another race. It wasn't until a conversation with a guy friend of mines did I realize that it had to do with how attractive I was to my own race of men.

Believe me I'm not taking his word for it but it did make me think twice and question why black men never seemed to respond whenever I was out with a guy of another race. "If you're considered attractive enough to be with them then they will get mad and speak up about it. But if they see a black woman they aren't attracted to with a 'non' black man than they don't care enough to say anything."

Really? So I am left to assume that I am not attractive enough for the snide comments and nasty looks? I'm grateful to have never dealt with what most interracial couples experience for I'm sure it leaves a bitter taste in ones mouth when they have to be subjected to ignorance.

I wanted to ask the question to the men of my race to see if there was any truth to how they felt when they saw a black woman with a man other than a black man. I got some really great responses, however none referenced to the attractiveness of a woman to determine how they felt about black women dating outside of their race. Here are just a few of the responses received from the question:

How do you feel about the black woman when it comes to dating outside of the black

race? For me I think my opinion that black women have blinders on, blinded by an

unseen loyalty to only date black men to never step outside of that box and

experience dating exclusively. What do you think?

To each his own. True love have no bounderies,,,if and when people choose to date, thats there prerogative .

Black women have a right to find happiness wherever it suits them.

I like to think I'm open minded. During the course of my life I have dated black women, white women, and spanish women. For those black women who choose to date outside their race, I don't hold anything against them.

In regards to black women, I have no problem with them dating outside of their race because black males are doing the same. I understand the "loyalty" factor but honestly why put yourself in a box. Love has no color, the person for you might not necessarily have the same complexion so why limit yourself.

I do hate to see a black woman with a white man it just makes me hot but they can pick who ever to date. Black women today I do not think they have blinders on .Their blinders are wide open.

Color means nothing to me. I am hispanic by ethinicity but black by race. I have dated similar women and white women as well as black women. My better experiences have been with foreign women, and white women as black american women tend to have a different mindset in a relationship and feel the need to dominate until they meet someone who will dominate them. I dont feel it is my role to dominate but to lead and see my woman as my equal to whom i can confer with and gain from. The American black women have the "my way or highway attitude". White women seem to enjoy being in a relationship more than treating it like a chore or inconvenience. my blatina women are more rounded towards catering to there men and treating them as the head of the house and thow they may throw fits from time to time, they are never one to tear a man down. just my experiences

In my opinion, dating shouldn't have a race/color barrier. I love women regardless of race so I'm open to dating whoever. Granted I have a preference for black women that doesn't mean that I won't give equal opportunity to another race.

I havent dated outside of my race but I would ... I'm open minded so if that person brings you joy, color is not an issue.

I love my black woman they are smart sexy and fun i don't think there a race to come near them .

As always most of the responses steer away from the initial question. The bottom line here is that it shouldn't matter how attractive and or unattractive you are. To each their own. Never limit yourself to finding true love due to racial boundaries, despite the negativity you may stumble upon. It seems that in this world no one is limiting themselves when it comes to finding a mate.


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    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 5 years ago

      Interracial dating is a non-issue in my opinion. I've dated women of various races. It's never been about the color of the skin as much as it is the "individal". Most men are initially drawn to a woman's physical attributes before they approach her. I can't imagine looking at woman who has everything I want and then I say, "Too bad she's not black, (white), (hispanic), or (asian)!" That makes no sense to me. It's called a (soul mate) and not a (skin mate).

      I've also never understood why someone would care about who another person dates! It's a complete fantasy to believe if they weren't with that person you would have them! I've seen this happen in non-racial scenarios as well. A married guy will be in a place with lots of women and will tell himself or his friends, "It's too bad I'm married or else I'd be dripping in honeys!" Honestly, he's lying to himself! lol!

      With regard to attractiveness I've seen it work both ways. If black man thinks a specific black woman is "hot" and she is with a man of another race he thinks there is something wrong with her or she's with that guy because he's "financially well off". On the other hand I've see black women talk about handsome black men who they see with what they consider to be unattractive or over-weight white women. They talk about him like he broke a law of some kind. On the flip side of things both sexes are in agreement if they consider the member of their own race to be the "ugly one". There is almost a silent applause!

      To be fair though I must admit I've seen this happen regarding age differences as well. In fact there is a TV show called "Extreme Cougars" and it shows a bunch of young 20 something year old girls talking trash about a guy their age who is dating a woman in her late 40s or early 50s. "Why would he date (her) when he could be with one of (us) young and beautiful women."

      Our society is fickle. One minute we say, “Age is just a number” or you’re shallow if you go after “looks” and then the next minute we’re putting down people for following their heart. Bottom line is if you are “into” your significant other while out and about town you’ll rarely notice the reactions of those sitting in the peanut gallery.

    • Hezekiah profile image

      Hezekiah 5 years ago from Japan

      Nice hub, as a black man myself I actually relocated to Japan and married and Japanese women and have a child. Many would think this is quite rare from out side Japan, but actually rather common here.