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Body Language That Says He’s Not Interested

Updated on December 28, 2018

Sometimes the most powerful communication isn’t heard with our ears, but is seen with our eyes. Your date’s body language may be speaking so loudly that it’s deafening. However, if you’re having trouble deciphering his actions, here’s a translation of unspoken messages that could be expressing a lack of interest in you.

Look at me when I'm talking to you!
Look at me when I'm talking to you!

He Makes Minimal Eye Contact

When a guy is interested in you, he’ll raptly gaze into your eyes and his pupils will dilate. This will happen whether you're talking about how you adore the restaurant he chose for your date, or complaining about how you hate to change your cat’s litter box. If he rarely makes eye contact, there’s a good chance he’s not interested in you.

Another clue to indifference is that he focuses on your lips, rather than your eyes, while you’re speaking. He may be shy, but even shy men are aware that they must surmount their timidity to forge a romantic connection. If he doesn’t feel motivated enough to attempt to overcome his shyness toward you, he probably isn't interested in you. If his gaze is mostly fixed below your face, he’s likely to be interested in you sexually, but not romantically.

He Has Bad Posture

A man who is drawn to you will tighten his muscles—particularly his abs—and stand straight, with his head up and his shoulders back. He wants to impress you with his physique and his alpha male demeanor. However, if he slouches when sitting or standing, he's probably disinterested in you. He may also be just plain sloppy, and will carry these slovenly habits into a relationship, if he does want to have one with you.

Did anyone ever tell you that you stand like a statue?
Did anyone ever tell you that you stand like a statue? | Source

He Crosses His Arms

It’s typically assumed that when a person crosses their arms over their chest they’re closing themselves off to you. Sometimes, though, this is not a hard and fast rule, so be careful before coming to this conclusion. Many men simply find this position to be very comfortable, especially if they’re sitting or leaning on a table.

Yes, crossed arms can signify disinterest, but this pose can also mean any number of things from “I’m cold” to “I wish I’d worn something besides a t-shirt” to “Ugh, I feel bloated from eating all that spaghetti.” If you're with a man whose arms are crossed, tension is key to reading his posture. If his shoulders are tense or he appears to be gripping his arms, he may be uncomfortable with you or closed off to you, and lack interest in pursuing anything further with you.

Don't stand so close to meee!
Don't stand so close to meee!

He Keeps His Distance From You

According to Greg Hartley, a former Army Special Forces interrogator and author of I Can Read You Like a Book: How to Spot the Messages and Emotions People are Really Sending with Their Body Language, “First and foremost, moving in closer indicates a desire for more intimate contact. If he remains four feet or more away from you, it is a clear signal that his heart’s not in it.”

This lack of interest can manifest in him staying on the opposite side of a restaurant booth, instead of sliding in closer to you, or in him leaning away from you instead of putting his arm around your shoulders. He'll do these things to ensure that you don’t invade his personal space.

He Hides His Hands

If the man you're interested in conceals his hands, it may mean he lacks interest in you. This is another tricky one to interpret, because this may merely be a position he finds comfortable. However, one component of a good conversation is the use of hands—which also shows that a person is energized and enthused—to emphasize or illustrate something that’s being discussed. If a man has his hands stuffed in his pockets, he may keep them there because he is uninterested in you and has nothing substantial to express to you.


His Tone of Voice Doesn't Change

When a guy is interested in you, there’s always a slight difference in his tone of voice when interacting with you. It may be subtle, but it will definitely be noticeable. If he talks to you in more of a businesslike tone, with a brisk pace and a strong volume, “he’s probably just trying to keep it to friend level,” says Hartley.

As time passes, you may notice him adopting a more intimate tone (he may want to take it slow on the first few dates while he’s getting to know you) but if he still communicates with you as though he’s preparing your taxes, he’s not interested and not worth seeing again.

Say, make that cheesy
Say, make that cheesy

His Smile is Fake

If he responds to you with tight, polite smiles and forced laughter, he’s not interested in you or anything you might have to say. Fake smiles can be easily detected because they only involve the mouth, and not the eyes. A genuine smile and laugh extends all the way to the eyes, giving them a mirthful twinkle and crinkling their corners.

I gotta go! I think I, er, let me see....left the stove on!
I gotta go! I think I, er, let me see....left the stove on!

He Fidgets

He keeps looking at his watch, scanning the room, scratching his nose, rubbing his eyes, or shifting in his seat. This is another tricky one, because he may have allergies, need to go to the bathroom, or may simply be nervous.

Usually, though, when a man squirms in his seat, it means something’s wrong. He’s anxious and wants out of a conversation or situation. However, whatever the reason, if his behavior makes you feel unappreciated or only perfunctorily noticed, take it as a cue that he’s not interested enough to focus his undivided attention on you.

He's Self-Absorbed

Does he often interrupt you to talk about himself? If you’re with others, does he talk across you as though you're invisible? If there’s only one chair available at a party, nightclub, or other social gathering, does he immediately sit in it without offering it to you first?

Do you find yourself asking him many questions about himself, while he asks nothing, or very little, about you? Does he walk ahead of you, completely expecting that you’ll follow? These are all warning behaviors that he’s so self-absorbed that his enormous ego doesn't leave much room in his life for you.

Darn! I'm in the friend zone again.
Darn! I'm in the friend zone again. | Source

He Plants a Kiss….On Your Forehead

According to sex and body language expert Tracey Cox, “This is a parental gesture. He cares for you deeply, but he may just see you as a friend.” You’ve also been relegated to “just friends” status if he gives you a hug without a kiss, or worse, a handshake or a brotherly pat on the back. This behavior shows he’s interested, but not as a potential beau.

Just as body language can tell you that a guy is interested in you, it can equally convey the opposite message. The sooner you learn the translation, the faster you can leave behind a man who lacks interest in you, and find one who’s as interested in you as you are in him.


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