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Breaking Up The Monotony: A Guide To Spicing Up Your Relationship

Updated on August 24, 2010
"Breaking patterns is the fastest way to get rid of monotony in the relationship"
"Breaking patterns is the fastest way to get rid of monotony in the relationship"

If you ask any woman what's one of the most common causes for lost of attraction in a relationship, you'll soon find out it's monotony. Sometimes relationships become stale and predictable, once that happens everything becomes boring. Being with you partner is boring, spending time together gets boring and this kills the relationship.

Have you had a friend who's idea of fun is ALWAYS doing THE SAME THING over and over again? Maybe it's going to that pub downtown and having the same jar of beer with pretzels. After a while it's unbearably monotonous and tedious.

Usually when this happens at first it's the situation that becomes monotonous, but after a while it's the PERSON who becomes boring and unpleasant to hand out with. You can be best of buddies and it won't matter, if that person doesn't excite you, there's  high probability that you will not enjoy his/her company for too long.

Women feel the same thing with men who become monotonous. Could be the situation at first, maybe you have a very tight work schedule that won't allow you to break free, or maybe the way your life is setup you need the organized time schedule to be productive, whatever it is, after a while it won't be your job, it will be YOU the one that's boring.

I've seen this hundreds of times with couples, the guy works his ass off, but doesn't know how to balance that with pleasure time and the relationship starts to go south because it lack of excitement. The woman complaints about it for a while until finally the man gets some free time and they go on a trip together. Theoretically everything should be ok since they're finally doing something different, but it's not that simple, the woman already associated him with his monotonous schedule and now he's the monotonous one, so they don't get to have any fun anyway.

This is where you don't want to get with your girl, because once a woman develops that feeling it's a bit difficult to unwind. The good news is it CAN be done.

In this blog post I'm going to assume your relationship is already a bit monotonous, you do the same things over and over again each day, hardly go out and if you do it's the same places each week. In your intimacy everything's the same, probably because you feel safe doing "what works".

First of all you have to understand the mindset behind monotony so you can work backwards and eliminate it. Why do people act the same every time? We are animals of habits because we feel safe and secure in doing things the same way each day. We feel like we've mastered something when we're fluid in doing it, and the only way to achieve this is by REPETITION. We've been doing it our whole lives.

You want to learn to play guitar so you pick up the instrument and you learn a series of chords progressions, you practice them each day, every time you pick up that guitar you're playing the same patterns until you've mastered them. Seems fine, and that's certainly the way to go, but in relationships things do not work out like that.

All the contrary, in relationships repetition will not get you to Master level, will get you to DUMPED level.

How can you stop being less monotonous?

Start by realizing that YOU ARE a monotonous person at this moment, maybe not all the time, maybe not in every situation or with every person, but right now in your relationship with your girl, you are being monotonous.

After opening your eyes to the truth, start consciously breaking patterns that lead you to monotony, for example, if when you wake up every morning the the first 3 things you usually do are brushing your teeth, taking a bath and drinking coffee, break that pattern, take a bath, brush and drink the coffee, or drink the coffee, brush and then take a bath. This is very important because it sets a new mind frame. Keep breaking patterns during the whole day.

Also start becoming more prepared, think things through, if you know the weekend is coming think about 2 thinks during that weekend you can do with you girl that you usually do not do. If you usually go to the movies but you don't usually go out dancing, then prepare yourself for that. Get the clothes together, buy the tickets, tell your girl in advance so she can be prepared. It's all about setting up everything in advanced so you're not caught up unprepared and fall into the "usual, tried and tested stuff".

Women love "secret places" and surprises, tell her you found this secret hidden place that she's going to LOVE, but it's a surprise and she'll have until the weekend/end of the night/next week etc to see it.

Breaking the monotony doesn't have to be a huge production thing either, you can do simple things that will make a huge impact, like for instance, buying your girl flowers and sending them to her job, I know it sounds cheese but if you've been doing the same things each day, this will be huge for her.

One of the places where monotony can be dangerous is in bed, a boring sex life can destroy your relationship in a heartbeat! Change positions, try new ones, talk to her differently, tell her you want to make this experiences even better for her. Ask her what she's getting tired of and what she wants to try next, be open to new things and tell her to trust you on new ways you can pleasure her. Mix it up, don't be a monotonous lover!

Take your time and think about all of this, think about the things in your relationship that have been too "safe" and spice them up a little bit, take a trip with your girl, have fun, make her reality a fantastic experience!

talk soon



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      diego davila 6 years ago

      Great Article. The only reason why im reading this is because lately my girl has been complaining allot about her life being boring and becoming monotonous. She needs to do new things and experience new things too. Also today she said to me that our sex life is also falling into monotony. I am trying every thing i can but i guess i was doing the wrong things. I will change the pace of things. Set up new experiences for us. Again thank you so much for the help.