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Brides: How you secretly piss off your bridesmaids

Updated on July 28, 2010

Brides Listen Up!

But its "MY DAY"! Your bridesmaids understand that your wedding day is "your day" and that you want to make it special and memorable, who wouldn't, BUT causing your closest friends and family a lot of frustration and upset just to make things "perfect" is insensitive and disrespectful. Here are some ways that you totally piss off your bridesmaids that most wont tell you because they want to be a good friend and bridesmaid. Here's what you need to know that they keep to themselves:

1. Bridesmaid Dress. Don't make your bridesmaids buy a super expensive, unflattering bridesmaid gown. I know brides want to be the center of attention and attempt to make their bridesmaids wear less attaractive dresses to do so but that is just tacky. Remember 99% of the time they will never wear that dress again and now they are out at least 200 some dollars or more depending upon the dress you selected. Bridesmaids are there for love and support not to feel badly about themselves and out a lot of money in order to make you feel better about yourself. Be respectful.

2. Shoes. If your bridesmaids dress is long, to the ground, let your bridesmaids choose whatever shoes they like, who is going to see them anyway or care. If you choose to have short bridesmaid dresses then try to select a shoe that doesn't look like a wedding/bridesmaid/prom shoe that you know will never be worn again. Remember that is an additional purchase that they have to make that again they will wear once, so why not let their money be put to good use and purchase a shoe that is likely to be worn again. Place yourself in their shoes (pun not intended) before making would you feel?

3. What do YOU think? Don't ask us our opinions of your wedding selections from the wedding dress, to the colors, to the food, to the band, who should sit where etc. Your bridesmaids know you want what you want so please don't put them in that position. If they end up telling you they don't like something and you choose that option then it becomes an uncomforable situation. Just make the decision and let them know what you have decided.

4. Expectations. DO NOT MAKE A LIST OF DO'S AND DONT'S FOR YOUR BRIDESMAIDS!!That makes you a bridezilla! If they want to cut their hair...let them. If they gain weight...let them. If they want to do their own hair...let them. If they do not want their nails done....let them. If they want to do their own makeup...let them. They are friends not robots. If this is an issue then you may be out some bridesmaids and the ones who stick around are beyond pissed, its just not their personality to create confrontation. But know that they are PISSED!

5. Wedding Shower. Please do not make your bridesmaids, friends, and family play cheesy games that is done at every wedding shower. Boring. They are cheesy for a reason. Your bridesmaids will not tell you this because that would be considered rude and hurt your feelings but know this....they hate these games! Again be creative and tailor your festivities to your personality and make it fun for everyone. If someone else is planning it, tell them in advance what you do and do not want to do.

6. Bachelorette Party. If your bridesmaids have to go to one more bar where the bride is wearing a veil with fake plastic penises and condoms all over her she is going to scream! Again she is doing it for you but YAWN YAWN YAWN. Remember they again have to get a gift which will cost them more funds (not to forget the wedding shower gift and the wedding gift) so you owe them that much to make it a fun and unique event. Otherwise just avoid the situation all together.

7. Wedding Day. Your bridesmaids are your friends/family, not your slaves.They want to help you look your best and to make sure you are ready for your big moment but in no way are they your servants. Have some respect.

8. Reception. Don't try to pair up your bridesmaid with the groomsman they walked down the aisle with. Tacky. Tacky. Tacky. That entire situation is already uncomforable so why put more pressure on it then necessary. Let things go the way they are going to go and focus on your new union with your husband.

9. Reception. Part 2. Avoid the classic typical reception games. Be creative. The dollar dance...overdone. Yawn. The bridesmaid/groomsman dance...awkward and know that your bridesmaids are extremely annoyed with this decision and cant wait for it to be over. The infamous throwing the flowers for all the single ladies...not original and none of your friends want to go out to the dance floor to announce to the world they are single. Creativity is key!

10. This is an average breakdown on what your bridesmaids spend on YOUR wedding:

Dress: $250

Shoes: $40

Wedding shower gift: $30

Bachelorette party gift: $20 (not to mention other things you make them pay for, ex. limo)

Wedding gift: $30

Hair: $25

Nails: $25

Makeup: $25

All added up your bridesmaids are shelling out an average of $450 over the span of time you announced your engagement to the day of your wedding. The least you can do is show them some respect, be original, and show your appreciation.


Now these can be worn again


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      Ashley 4 years ago

      I've been in ten weddings (always a bridesmaid type of deal). I'm not a bride and feel this article is very negative. So I'm not just a "bride crying". In all the weddings I've been in there has only been one bride that made me hate my life. It wasn't because of money. If you're saying yes to being in a wedding you should know it's going to be expensive so if you can't afford it say no. Who cares if the dress is ugly. The point of the day isn't for you too look great it's for the bride to look great you aren't wearing it for you, you're wearing it for your friend. Also, just because the writer of this article thinks things are boring or over done doesn't mean everyone does I love the dollar dance it's one of my favorite parts of the wedding! I feel like this article has some good points and feel like had it been executed in a nicer way the point would have gotten through a lot better.

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      jimel 4 years ago

      Wow look at all the brides crying this is a bad article? So you think you should be able to treat your bridesmaids like scum and dress them up like garbage and make them fork out $500+ too feel better about yourself? Really? . Well at least we know what type of people you are. Hope the groom figgers it out and runs away. This day is to join 2 families as one. Your bridesmaids are those you love their to help and support you. Not to be treated like c**p because you have some serious mental issues. Get over yourself. Jesus some women are bats**t insane. If I saw a bride yelling "ITS MY WEDDING" like a 2 yr old, I'd say.. poor guy. You're insane. Nothing justifies being a rude snotty cow. If it's your wedding good for you. Go have it with out anyone else. As clearly you don't care about anyone but yourself. No on wants to be at a bridezillas wedding, better yet, keep actin glike a spoilt cow. By the end of the wedding you'll have no one left as they'll all hate you, then when the huibby figures out you're insane you'll be an old fat lonely bitter cow. More so.

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      ani 4 years ago

      I am so shocked that is seems to be the "norm" in North America for bridesmaids to pay for their own dresses etc. I'm from Ireland but live in Canada. I'm getting married in July 2014 and have three bridesmaids. I'll be paying for their dresses, shoes, hair, make-up AND will buy them individual presents to thank them for being my bridesmaids. I think it's so cheeky to ask someone to be in your wedding and then make them pay for their own dresses. Similarly, my groom will pay for the best men's suits. Different cultures I suppose. FYI, I am not paid particularly well, I'm just saving my ass off!

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      4 years ago

      I personally think that the author had a bad experience as a bridesmaid. I am personally taking into account each person's budget in the wedding party. I flat out told my girls that them being in the wedding party is gift enough and they do not need to get me anything - a card would be nice for the wedding but that's it. Some of the costs listed (all the gifts) is probably a little much on top of what you have done. The bachelorette is being left up to the bridal party (I don't have a say except to say I don't want to go to a bar/have strippers/go to a club and these are the people I really want there). Most brides do not have complete say to what goes on for the other stuff. As a bridesmaid you take on certain responsibilities. I would assume that as a bridesmaid you are typically an adult and therefore be adult enough to talk to the bride about any issues.

      As for the bouquet toss and dollar dance: these are traditions! The bride doesn't care if you think these are boring or not. And newsflash: some of these are not really options that the bride and groom have chosen. That goes for the bridal shower (some brides would actually rather not have a shower period, but it is their friend and/or family who really want to throw one in their honour and is a surprise).

      I will give you numbers 2-4 on your list because I agree with those.

      Please do your friends/family a favour the next time you are asked and either be up front and communicate or tell them no thank you.

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      redvirgo 4 years ago

      I agree with the commentee that said this writer is obviously bitter about a bad experience. The writer has clearly not bothered to research the role of a bride's maid (look up the word MAID). It is an honor but not a fun-fest necessarily. Agreeing to be a bride's maid is a JOB, not a party. The wedding is not ABOUT the bride's maid, it is about the bride. It is a responsibility you take on, not a game you whine about when you don't get your way.

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      Allie 5 years ago

      I think it's also insensitive to ask the bride to give up what they have wanted forever because it bores the bridesmaids. Yes, penis straws may be juvenile and games may be boring, but it's not hurting anyone. The bride deserves to have fun too. Not to mention she may be returning the favor when her friends get married!

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      sarah 5 years ago

      This is the worst advice ever! No bride should be manipulated by such negative and rude advice! There are much better ways to express how you can appreciate and help your bridesmaids help you, without referring to the bride as a puppeteer.

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      Rai 5 years ago

      Of course keeping costs down for your bridesmaids is important. I'm buying their shoes, doing their nails myself (nail tech here!) and finding a close friend to do their hair, not asking for gifts for ANYTHING, leaving the bachelorette party up to my MOH (all the decisions and how much she wants to spend), etc. My future mother in even law generously decided to throw the bridal shower because my bridesmaids have already said they don't want to contribute more than $20 towards anything besides their dress. I make sure to ask them what they are comfortable with, and go with it, but none of them are helping me with ANYTHING that a maid is supposed to, and honestly? There is something known as a maid-zilla, and frankly I think this article depicts that image perfectly.

      Also, I'M POOR. So excuse the whole 'I-can't-treat-my-maids-to-Vegas-because-weddings-are-expensive-enough-by-themselves' thing, but I think you're being a bit too harsh on the bride. And I agree with another comment, you can always say NO to being a bridesmaid. Honestly.

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      SLHG 5 years ago

      I don't know if hair, makeup and nails are super cheap where you wrote this, but my bridesmaid dress was $150, Hair: $60, Makeup: $60, bridal shower gift: $50, wedding gift: $150 Shoes: $50 and I painted my own nails because by that time I had already spent a small fortune. Although this article is SUPER negative and rude, I agree that keeping costs down for the bridesmaids is really important.

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      MoH 5 years ago

      I was the maid of honor last year, the bride was nice enough to cover the cost of the dress (I think $180). But my shoes were $50, bridal shower gift was $120 per bridesmaid, I gave $200 as a wedding gift, Hair and Makeup was $225. Nails was another $50. And the bachelorette party, well that cost me $600 because of the bride's requests. Now I love her dearly and she tried to help us by buying the dress, but I'm poor, and her wedding cost me a month salary.

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      Bridesmaid 5 years ago

      Never thought my sister could be so selfish, but my dress was $200 (and is the least flattering thing I've ever worn. I have never even spent $200 on a dress I liked and it made me cry that the first expensive dress I have makes me look so unattractive) she guilted me into $65 for hair. Asked me to buy silver shoes (least reusable color ever, only thing worse would have been clear) and I have to fly across the country. I hate this wedding so much and all I really wanted was to enjoy the day with her and look nice in the photos a year later. Since my mom pitched in $100 for the dress (from money my dad gave her for my schooling) I'm only out $600 plus whatever I get her as a gift.

      This article isn't by a bitter woman, it's by one that was hurt or treated as insignificant by a friend.

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      Surprised 5 years ago

      That was an incredibly negative article.

      I would guess that you have been a bridesmaid, didn't have a great experience and are now bitter.

      Perhaps you should add 'if you don't want to be a bridesmaid, say no'. And also that while a bride should be considerate and know that her bridesmaid is her friend not a slave, the bridesmaid should be considerate that it is a special time for their friend and worth indulging in discussions a bit.