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Building A Stronger Family Relationship Through Communication

Updated on June 22, 2014

2. Talk

Listening is not enough because your response is needed too. Responds
can be verbal and can be by action, expression or emotion. Sometimes
we over-react in our action and anger, talking can ease that tense and
build back the broken walls of our relationship. It is nice and it
helps to ask for forgiveness for your impatience after an incident
when you must have calmed down. Driving your kids to school is a
wonderful time to talk; I bet you’ll enjoy talking the right way, and
the right time avoiding rude comments.

1. Listen

Listening is an act and it’s vital you develop it. Listening cuts
across verbal talking and that is why that is why it is important that
you understand the language of the heart and the feelings and emotions
that lie in unspoken words. When listening you’re required to pay
attention – like putting down the newspaper or turning down the TV
volume and establishing eye contact. Bring yourself to the level of
the person speaking to you to give him/her the feeling that you care
and give a polite listening without interruption. Let your expression
write “I really care about this” on your face.

3. Have Fun Together

Having fun together is a nice time to listen and to talk. It gives you
the opportunity to understand people at their ‘basic level’ – I called
it basic because at this level/point a person seems to b neutral; read

In 2008 I went to a Youth Congress organized by the Seventh-Day
Adventist Church and involving West and Central African Nations held
at Calabar, Nigeria. I was privileged to meet some wonderful people
from French speaking African countries that don’t speak or understand
English language just as I don’t understand theirs. During the five
days we had some fun together and I know we were hearing each other
because the communication was on basic human feelings anyone can read
– such feelings that a little baby sees on the mothers face or on a
familiar face and smile, even on the face of a stranger.

Spending fun time together binds a relationship stronger and make you
always longing for such times and people. On the funeral of a friend,
a man was crying and when I tried to console him he said he is crying
because he won’t enjoy fishing again (his dead friend was his fishing

4. Start Conversation

When a relationship go bad, sad or slow, you can win it back again by
simply being a good conversation starter. You can do this by simply
asking, in a polite way and manner questions like ‘how was your day?’
the answer may not exceed a word ‘ok’, ‘fine’, ‘good’. Now to start
well is to gist about your own day and the other person will know
he/she need to tell you a little deeper more than just ‘ok’ or ‘fine’

You can start a relationship with good conversation, in fact almost
all relationships started with a good conversation. I started a
relationship through a conversation over the window. Again, some years
back I met a lady in a café, she looks tired, worry and like someone
who is just recovering from ill health. See the conversation below;

Me: ‘hey! You don’t look good?’
Xena: ‘why do you say that? You don’t even know me before’
Me: no I don’t but you are not looking like this is you.

She smiled and we had some talk, two weeks later she called me and
said she were just recovering from typhoid fever, we met at the café,
she took me to her family house and now I’m known to her parents and
many relatives. We enjoy talking together and it’s been 5 years of good friendship.

You can start by asking the person what he fears most and why, the
funniest thing that he has seen, and so on and so forth. Effective
communication is amazing and can surprise you.

5. Be Careful

It is very necessary to b careful when dealing with anyone so as not
to tear down a relationship you’ve build over months or even years in
less than one minute. I recently watched a mother lunched aggression
as her young son fell down after a rainy day and soiled his shirt just
after a church service. She rained words like stupid, clumsy… …useless
and finally she said “you never did anything well look at your mates,
idiot” I fought the impulse to call the mother to stop and show a
little caring because everyone makes mistake and someday her mistakes
might be worst. Eye filled with tears and with dropped shoulder the
young fellow went into their car and did not come out again for the
rest of the evening service. Finally this little lad not come to church and stays with the dad more than the mom.

In situations like this, I recommend that you understand that you
cannot change that which has happened but can prevent the future by
talking to the person involved and sharing your mistakes and how you
successfully passed through them. Let him know he can do better and
that ‘“every limit is a new floor for trying again just if you can
climb over it” – Daniel C. Azuka’

Family meeting is your business too
Family meeting is your business too

6. Have Family Meeting

Conflicts and disagreements must arise in families and an effective
way of resolving it is through family meetings during which opinions
are sort from the family members, people are more willing to cooperate
when the help in developing a solution.

7. Write and Draw If You Can

Writing is a way of communication effectively and it helps to vent
anger or share joy. There are situations when writing is important
such as when encouragement is needed. I have a friend that writes me
always to encourage me and when I ask her why she always write when
she could have called she will say it help her feel better that if she
can encourage me then the only thing left for her too is to be
courageous. And when I want to ease her or make her laugh I will draw
a cartoon using it to write her back. It really works!

8. Non-Verbal Signals
Signals such as crying, unusual quietness and withdrawal from things
or other people, posture, and there like can reveal a lot about ones
feelings and need at a particular time. Tones of voice tell a lot
about the state of one’s emotion. Understanding these non-verbal
languages can get you closer to people faster – have you had someone
say “he or she understands me very well …” what do you think it mean?

9. Seek Help

According to Dr. Mary G. Durkin in her book “Making Your Family Work”,
seeking help is a sign of strength not weakness. Help can be from
reading relevant books, attending seminars, belonging to discussion
groups or consulting professionals.

Finally, if you are having a family crisis or problem already I
recommend that you start the healing process immediately by consulting
professionals for help or reading professional advice from books.
Again, we must understand that talking is more than just speaking but
learning to listen and understand the language of the heart, when
heart talk to heart true relationship begins.

Open your heart to receive and give love, open your mind to understand
the language of the heart, open your hands to give ad receive gifts,
that is what will make you special and people will long to be with

The Importance Of Building A Strong Relationship

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