Burned By Desire
Janet Jackson - Thats the Way Love Goes
He watched as she sat on the edge of the bed shivering. He wondered if she was cold or was it that she was scared. He knew that she was very insecure but didn’t understand why. She was incredibly sexy, he had known her for over 10 years and when she was younger she had the body of a woman. His high school friends didn’t see her the same way that he did but he really didn’t care. They liked skinny women and he had always been drawn to women with curves. His friends liked her as an acquaintance but nothing more it was almost as if they thought she was beneath them. He thought of them as arrogant and obnoxious when it came to her but they still were his friends. He didn’t care there was something so enticing about her he didn’t care what his friends thought about her. He would slowly make his move on her and would be completely successful. He often wondered how he got so lucky. Against the wishes and warnings of his friends they would date for the greater part of their senior year until that dreaded night and a huge misunderstanding. They were still friends after that night but their relationship was strained. He wasn’t sure how to approach her after that night, what he should say to her. His friends kept telling him to just leave her alone the school year was about to end and they would be going their separate ways anyway. He didn’t want to but was not sure how to approach her. He was certain that she was mad at him and he felt she had a right to be. There was nothing he could do about it. He had to let it go but he didn’t want to.
It was 10 years later and he could not believe that he was here with her now. They had reconnected at a party several months earlier. There was so much he wanted to say to her at that moment but couldn’t. He felt silly telling her that she had never looked better and was still sexy as hell but he couldn’t resist. She did look good and still the same after all of these years. He was shocked when she said that she had been looking for him and wondering about him for so long. He seriously thought that she was mad at him and that he had hurt her so many years ago. He wanted to spend all his time talking to her explaining himself to her but he couldn’t his wife was there and he did not feel comfortable. He had no idea what to say to her without getting himself into trouble. He loved his family, he would never be unfaithful but she was unaware of the temptation she was to him. She drew him in like a moth to a flame. She had a hold over him still even after all of these years and his friends could tell. His friends were still unsure of her especially since he was happily married now. She left the party early; he didn’t want her to leave but was not sure how to act while she was there. He didn’t want to wait another 20 years to see her again either. He had so many emotions flowing through his mind and body. He tried hard to get her out of his mind as she walked out the door.
Five months after the party his wife approached him and told him that she no longer wanted to be married. This came as a huge surprise to him and was completely out of leftfield. He had catered to his wife every whim and now she wanted out after 5 years of marriage. He had been faithful the whole marriage but he couldn’t help but think that she was not. In fact the more he thought about it the more he could point out specific incidents where that might have been a possibility. He was at his lowest point. Not wanting to go through a divorce but not wanting to be with someone who did not want to be with him. His depression was instantaneous and alcohol was his true friend. None of his friends wanted to listen to him talk about his divorce and he understood why; it was a quick mood killer. He needed to talk but didn’t know who to turn to. Then he got an email that sent him into a tail spin.
The email was simple and could have been from anyone but it was from her. “Enjoyed seeing you at the reunion, hope you are doing well. Would love to do lunch and catch up some time.” If he would have gotten this email a week earlier he would not have responded it would have been dangerous. A week ago he was a happily married man now he was separated and heading towards divorce. His response was obvious; lunch immediately. They went out to lunch and had a great time. She listened to every word he said and they talked for hours. He did not realize that it had been two hours and he had to get back to work. He asked her if they could go out for drinks some time soon. She agreed. There were drinks, dinners, conversations, apologies, kisses and more kisses. He never forgot how amazing her kisses were. Every girl he kissed was compared to her and none of them measured up or even came close. He missed those kisses so much and was mad at himself for not trying harder with her in high school. He tried not to regret the past and what had happened but with the impending divorce it was difficult not to second guess. He felt awkward since his divorce was not yet final even though at this point he would never take his wife back. He felt that there was still something wrong with not ending one thing before starting another. He also did not want to let her go.
They went out every so often when there wasn’t a conflict in their schedules since they both had kids to take care of. Their time together was incredible. She was a great listener better than any of his friends; she was like one of the guys but 100 times sexier. The opposite of his ex-wife she was laid back, carefree and fun. She still had so much to offer and they had years to catch up on.
He knew that they had been through so much together and separately but he wanted so much more for them. He wasn’t sure that he could give her that right now. Not just getting out of a very long term relationship; a 5 year marriage. He did not want her to be his rebound she was so much more than that and he knew it. He owed her so much more. But he couldn’t help himself. He wanted to spoil her; he wanted to make up for lost time he wanted to give her everything he could monetarily, physically and emotionally. He didn’t know how he could tell her that now, now that they were here now that they were face to face, now that they were baring themselves to each other, now that they were about to become very intimate. He watched as she sat on the edge of the bed shivering. He wondered if she was cold or was it that she was scared he knew that he was scared.