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But Sometimes I Realize That I Just Need To Let Go

Updated on November 20, 2009


I don’t know when it started, there was nothing traumatic in my childhood that can be blamed for it, I guess it’s just who I was and became. I’m one of those people who think that if they do everything it says in a book and yell at it enough I can make the grass grow. I’m constantly thinking that my way is the right way and if someone thinks differently then they’re just in my way. Sometimes this personality pays off but often times it just makes for a stressed out person that’s not that much fun to be around but sometimes I realize that I just need to let go – Don’t Get Me Started!

I’m not talking about being apathetic or sitting on the side of the road waiting for life to either pass me by or pick me up in its speeding current, that’s too passive for me. I will always be an active participant in life, taking responsibility for both the good and bad that I cause but sometimes it just gets to be too much and I feel this self preserving calm come over me. Who does it hurt when I worry about someone and the person I’m worry about isn’t worried for themselves at all? Did I somehow magically make the bad thing that could have that didn’t happen not happen to them by my worrying? I don’t think so but to those of us who are control addicts we’d like to think so. And the answer to the question is that I’ve only hurt myself by thinking up all the grim possibilities and how I can fix it for someone when really there will be absolutely nothing for me to fix. Some would say (like me) I’m preparing for the worst but can you really prepare for the worst? When the “worst” happens isn’t it always still a bit of a shock that causes you to have to step back and get your bearings before you can make decisions about what to do next? I’m sorry but at any time in my life when I have prepared for the worst 9 out of 10 times the worst never happened and in the cases when it did I didn’t do anything I had planned in my late night sessions with  my sleep deprived self anyway.

So what have I learned? I’ve learned that I’m really not one to change but that like some sort of automated self preservation emotional shut off valve even I get to a point sometimes where I have to say enough is enough. At some point I find myself just saying, “It is what it is” and moving about my day. Does it make me happier? Not on every occasion but it makes me less likely to be the crazy old man bent over yelling at the grass to grow and that’s a good thing…for everyone. But sometimes I realize that I just need to let go – Don’t Get Me Started!

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