CNN JayZ and Beyonce
Jay and Beyonce
“This is my soulmate-the person I love.”
“You can be in love but if you haven’t experienced love and you don’t understand it you don’t have the tools to move forward……you’re going to have complications.”
“Fought to give our kids a different outcome. To break that cycle for black men and women to see a different outcome. “
“The best apology is changed behavior. You have to acknowledge the pain.”
Just The Facts
Just the Facts
- Why Two Parents are Important | Wisconsin Fathers For Children And Families
The following statistics support that our children suffer from lack of two parent households: PSYCHOLOGICAL HEALTH PROBLEMS
No Knowledge / No Example / No Experience
No ethnic group has been negatively affected by the inability to get/stay married and have decent relationships more than the African American community. The trend regarding this group or demographic has resulted in an increase in single-family households. Causes for this growing trend regarding the family not staying together can be numerous: welfare policies, criminal justice system leaving communities without men due to The War On Drugs, murder, and lack of healthy self-esteem amongst the people entering marriage. Whatever reasons for this problem, Jay-Z hit the nail on the head when it comes to trying to make a marriage work when you know nothing of love. How can you create a healthy marriage when you have no example of how to communicate and love another person? So many people want to get married feeling they’re prepared because they have a job, home, financial security, are infatuated with a mate, or simply seek a status level they have not achieved. When you grow up without parents together, poor relationship or absence of the father, a mother stressed out trying to make ends meet-struggling, lacking courage and proper healthy love from both parents you have issues that need to be addressed. This goes for men and women alike. So many women have no example of what it is to be married or the role of the supportive strength of a family. The bottom line, you have issues that must be addressed. If you ignore these issues it will manifest itself in your behavior and the relationships you create or seek.
Love is not about just the fun. It’s the decisions you make to honor that person you committed to making the effort to grow together. It’s losing a connection and working your ass off to get it back rather than looking to supplement it from others. It’s communicating and your determination to make things better by giving of yourself. How do you know how to do that if you’ve never seen that? Marriage is not about game playing or choosing trophies. Do you know you need to have similar interests, conflict management skills, communication skills, and the desire to keep dancing to the music when things change within a marriage? You can not be complete if you don’t address the impact of fatherlessness, angry mom syndrome, and the effects of poverty on your mental outlook. People unfortunately aren’t getting married when they are at the level of self-actualization. Many people are getting married at the physiological level. (see Maslow’s hierarchy of needs)
Someone doesn’t do what you want and you threaten the relationship.
Someone you’re dating shows no responsibility, little interest in you, only uses you for their benefit and you run after them begging them to be around. Just like you desired your father that left you, constantly trying to prove you are worth sticking around for despite their disregard for you.
Someone does something you don’t like, go psycho, get violent unleashing all the rage and hurt you have for yourself.
Choose people that are nowhere near your socio-economic or class level that destroy everything you have built including your reputation, financial security, and savings. They can’t TAKE enough from you and you are willing to have them around because your love experience means someone uses you, argues with you, and you must tolerate this=love.
Choose men that are exciting and unstable, just like daddy was, who turn out to do the same thing - disappear.
Date down because you really want to boss and control the relationship believing this gives you control over another person rather than an emotional stable, accomplished person, that will be able to perhaps improve your journey by teaching you to grow.
Look for people that need you to rescue them so you can abuse, molest their children, emotionally abuse, and control that person that has no choice but to stay with you to provide.
Manipulate people and take them for all they have because you don’t believe that you are worthy of love. Daddy didn’t love you enough to care, provide for you, or love you so you learn that sexual manipulation and control is a better route to get them for all you can while they are interested in you. All men leave so I better get all I can get from him.
Look for women that can’t leave you so they never challenge the part of you living below your potential.
I’ll never depend on a man or need help for anything like my poor mother did.
I’ll never care for a woman. Poppa was a rolling stone so I’ll be a player for life creating chaos that reflects my broken community and home life.
Chaos and dysfunction is my reference therefore I will seek and create the dysfunction that’s familiar in my life.
Dysfunctional people have something to say about every marriage relationship with accomplished people that have a decent life. Life happens, no marriage is perfect but it’s better to work with someone to loves and cares for you rather than seeking a bunch of random meaningless relationships. If you want a better life than study the people that have achieved relationships you’ve never experienced, get therapy to deal with you demons, and model yourself after people that have achieved what you want in life. How many happy marriages have you witnessed where men are disrespected and diminished by their partner? How many happy marriages have you witnessed with women that only spends a man’s money? How many happy families exist with men and women that feed of chaos/drama? How many positive relationships consists of ignorant women with no class and self-respect that acts like a fool everywhere they go? The media keeps promoting prostitution and people that have babies with multiple women never making any commitments for a reason. As long as you operate as this is the “norm” you will never stop creating emotionally unhealthy children prepared for crime, prison, and the grave. Wouldn’t it be wonderful for Jay’s and Beyonce children to know they can come home to mom and dad in one place with one mate? Wouldn’t it be nice to have the same family ties and connections? Wouldn’t it be nice to have equal opportunity to be successful in their lives?
The Point Of It All
You are not in an emotionally healthy place if you haven’t dealt with your issues so please deal with them. Don’t deal with them by embracing being emotionally unhealthy. Do you have issues with your mom/dad? Do you have no reference for what a healthy relationship is then research and model those that have a healthy relationship? Love yourself, when you love yourself the value you have for yourself causes you to choose better mates.
Thank-you Jay for accepting emotional insecurity, lack of manhood, and lack of knowledge regarding communicating which jeopardized you losing the love of your life. Thank-you Jay for acknowledging therapy was a good thing. Thank-you Jay for admitting while you had a concept of love you had no tools of how to make a marriage work. You can’t accomplish what you know nothing about or have not experienced so start with humility to seek knowledge of how to achieve and secure what you want.