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Can A Man Get Out Of The Friend Zone?

Updated on November 8, 2015

What will you say?

Here's some useful ideas about how to start a conversation about your feelings with your friend:

  • The more time I spend with you the more I realise how much I like you.
  • Lately I can't stop thinking about you and I realise I miss you when you're not around.
  • I've started to realise how much our friendship means to me.
  • Sometimes when we're talking I just feel like kissing you, but I've been holding back because we haven't really spoken about our friendship before.
  • Lately I've been hoping for a chance to talk about our friendship because I wanted to tell you how I've been feeling.
  • You have come to mean a lot to me and I wanted to take the time to tell you...

Can a man get out of the friend zone?

Yes, he absolutely can! If you decide to do nothing and stay in the friend zone, only fear is holding you back!

Many good relationships are built from a solid foundation of friendship. So if you're feeling like you're in the 'friend zone' with a woman, it's not the worst place to be! You don't need to feel bad about it.

Firstly, you already have a good friendship with the object of your desire - See it as something positive you can build on. Secondly, you are lucky that you know your feelings for the woman you are in a friendship with... Now the only thing you need to do is let your feelings be known! Otherwise you could start having bad feelings because you may begin to feel stuck in a position where you don't really enjoy.

Making your feelings known to your friend might seem daunting, but remember - you are already in a good position with you, having a friendship she enjoys and cherishes! You have now simply come to the stage where you have realised you would like to move forward to a more meaningful relationship with her.

Importantly, if you don't let your feelings about her known you face the real possibility of losing your friendship to a man who does let his feelings be known to her, and ultimately wins her heart. This would be far worse a situation than keeping your feelings a secret!

If you don't somehow find the courage to tell your special friend how you feel you also strongly risk NOTHING CHANGING! That is, if you don't make your romantic feelings know to her, she may not assume that you have these feelings for her at all. She could even start to feel confused about your friendship.

You see, in realising your feelings your friendship with her is already 'different'. It's no longer 'buddy buddy' for you. So the vibe you give off, if you don't tell her what you're feeling could start to confuse her. And women will often back off if they feel a relationship is too complicated for them.

So, if you want to get out of the friend zone, you need to talk to her about it as openly as possible. But, please be mindful that she may not be even slightly aware of your current feelings, so it is likely to catch her a little off guard. For this reason, I advise you against taking her out to dinner and making an 'announcement'. It's better to talk to her face to face about it at a time when you are relaxing together.

If ulitmately, you really feel you cannot bring up a conversation with her at all about it, it means you need to try to work on your communication with her. Afterall, how is she supposed to have a romantic relationship with you if you are not willing, for whatever reason, to share your true feelings with her.

After you've told her what you've been feeling you will then need to need to give her some time to process it. She'll need some space, if even just a little time, to think over what you said, when she's by herself. So after you've talked to her, do not SMS, message, email etc afterwards to enquire about how she's feeling just give her a little time to process what you said. It's really important to let her make up her own mind about her feelings towards you now that she knows you would like to take your friendship to the next level.... Now once she's decided she feels the same, then it's certainly time to stop acting like a mate, it's time to bring flowers, bring on the romance, and go on that dinner date!

Best Wishes,

StricktlyDating Copyright 2013



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    • stricktlydating profile image

      StricktlyDating 4 years ago from Australia

      Thanks DDE I appreaciate your comments!

    • DDE profile image

      Devika Primić 4 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Interesting being friends before marriage is a great idea but doesn't work for everyone, and you have written such thoughtful hub Can A Man Get Out Of The Friend Zone?

    • profile image

      CJ Sledgehammer 4 years ago

      I respect your point of view, stricklydating, but "the gutter" is what many men think of the "friendship zone". I will concede that true love is not dead, but it is on life support. :0)

      Peace be with you - C.J. Sledgehammer

    • stricktlydating profile image

      StricktlyDating 4 years ago from Australia

      Thanks for your thoughts CJ, I can't speak for all woman, but for myself I don't think being in the friendship zone is being in "The gutter" or that true love and romance is dead! I hope you find your someone special who makes you feel differently about that too.

    • profile image

      CJ Sledgehammer 4 years ago

      In the major majority of cases women choose their romantic partners...not men.

      Women are very perceptive and tend to know if a guy likes them before he does, so when you tell her your are telling her something she already knew. If she's already into you, she will let you know by making it easy for you to approach her, if she's not - then she has her ways of discouraging you or leading you on (plan B).

      The reason she says "yes" to a guy is for one of two reasons: 1) she has nothing better on her plate right now, or 2) she is already into you and has done everything possible to make you notice.

      Telling a woman how you feel is not sufficient on its own. Now, I am not saying she will say "no" to a date, but don't think for one moment that means much. Many women will go on a date because they have nothing better to do or they consider it to be a mission of mercy and this is their good deed for the day.

      Many women get married but are still looking for the right one to come along...just take a good look at the divorce statistics and the phenomena of the "starter husband" for proof.

      Forget football and baseball players...women are the ultimate "Free Agents" these days and every year their new contract expires. Either meet her demands or she will sign on with another team. It's really that simple.

      Women will only reach into the gutter ("friendship zone") when there isn't an available neanderthal with big pockets on the radar. Other than that, there isn't much left to say. True love and true romance is dead. Too many mercenaries have flooded the arena.

      Best wishes and be well - C.J. Sledgehammer

    • stricktlydating profile image

      StricktlyDating 4 years ago from Australia

      Thank you all for your lovely and interesting comments on this topic!

      Maria, You said "hope the friendship won't end" when the other person learns of their friends feelings, but the bigger risk is the friendship may end once the friend has found someone who does tell her his feelings.... Either way it's a risk, but one worth taking!

      DashingScorpio and Acaetnna, I always welcome your feedback and love reading your comments. Thanks!

      Jeannieinabottle, you are so right!!

      Best wishes to all of you in life and love :)

    • Jeannieinabottle profile image

      Jeannie InABottle 4 years ago from Baltimore, MD

      Boyfriends that start off as friends are always the best boyfriends. It can be a challenge getting out of the friend zone, but always worth it. :-)

    • acaetnna profile image

      acaetnna 4 years ago from Guildford

      Great hub as always. You have a real understanding of varying types of relationships. I think the basis of a happy marriage is true friendship. Voting up of course and pressing those buttons too!

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 4 years ago

      Voted up and useful!

      This is a very well written hub with sound practical advice. Just as you stated: " if you want to get out of the friend zone, you need to talk to her about it. " Or as my mother use to say, "If it ain't worth asking for then it's not worth having."

      There are only two possible outcomes; Either the person is pleasantly surprised and is open to exploring a "dating relationship" or they'll want to distance them self as to avoid being uncomfortable. The end result is you'll know where you stand. Life is too short to waste time.

      Michael Bolton probably recorded the all time classic “Friend Zone” song; “How Am I Supposed to Live Without You”. Trust me you do not want to find yourself singing this lyric once your friend announces his or her engagement. “ How am I suppose to carry on when all I’ve been (living for) is gone….And how can I blame you, when I build my world around the (hope) that one day we’d be so much more than friends.”

    • Maria Cecilia profile image

      Maria Cecilia 4 years ago from Philippines

      I guess the one of the best foundation of a relationship is friendship.... but what if the feeling is just friendship to one and more on the other.? hope friendship won't end when one learned about the hidden affection?

    Did you know?

    • A great number of women feel the best relationships start with friendship first
    • Your friend may make more male friends, some of whom will try to win her over with romance if you never say anything about your true feelings for her.

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