ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Grooming Your Groom

Updated on January 28, 2014

Being There, and Not Being There: The Husband's Role

AS TIME GOES ON
AS TIME GOES ON

Patiently Accepting Imperfection

Husbands often complain that after the honeymoon wears off, the marriage just isn't the same anymore because their wives seem different. Regardless of how many years of experience, and how many various marriages are examined, this result seems typical.

Given that many wives believe that husbands are far simpler creatures than their wives, it would seem that the only solution to this dilemma is patience. Husbands are advised to be kind and helpful toward with their wives, and realize that when a wife talks to a husband honestly and sincerely about things that really are on her mind, he should know that this is how a woman sometimes shows her love for her man.

Affairs are abominable; patience commendable. So the choice there is easy.

We love our wives for good reason. We should not resent anything about them. It's best to be silently content. Being a good, peaceful, and supportive listener is a rare and valuable characteristic under any circumstances, but especially in a marriage. Some of our best role models for this talent ironically are our wives themselves.

Being a good husband really isn't that stressful. It's like having a part-time, on-call job. We just have to wait until we're needed and then swing into action, or inaction as the case may be (because sometimes it's best to but out). Being a good listener really doesn't require too much effort except keeping the eyes, ears, and mind open.

Another point is worth mentioning: separation can go a long way toward making married people realize how much they mean to each other. Shakespeare wrote, "Absence makes the heart grow fonder." Wisdom like that has a way of enduring through the centuries.

The trouble is that the absence has to come about naturally. We have to wait for an opportunity for one spouse to go away for a while. At that point, instead of being fearful and jealous, we should know when to let go.

In a good marriage, the love will survive temporary separations. We are in a world now where jet travel has made separation commonplace.

Hopefully, with kindness and compassion, love will conquer all obstacles.

Assuming you once had the right chemistry to allow you to go into marriage, now all you have to do is show respect to your wife as a human being. None of us is perfect. Emphasize the things you both enjoy at present, but don't be discontent and look for more all the time. Trust your wife. Don't be jealous. Give her some freedom.

If you are entering a second marriage, don't fall into the trap of thinking that this time it's going to be one hundred percent perfect. Chances are good that you may have just as many challenges, although of a different sort than those that existed in the first marriage. Be prepared and be patient and kind.

Also, next to unavoidable difficulties such as illness and disability, which require strength of character on your part, the second biggest problem in most marriages is fighting over money issues. On this topic, it will help immensely if you realize the basic nature of your spouse with respect to her approach to finances. Once you admit that you know where she stands on the subject, don't try to make any fundamental changes in her character or deep-set opinions. Instead, talk without arguing and, if necessary, put agreements on specific issues in writing.

Remember, unless you pay thousands of dollars for an arbitrator, judge, or mediator, it is impossible really to win any argument when there are only the two of you present. So don't be illogical and think that you can.


Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No comments yet.

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)