ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Can This Marriage Be Saved – Where Do You Begin With This Question

Updated on April 10, 2012
Don't Break My Heart
Don't Break My Heart

Can This Marriage Be Saved - Sometimes Not

If your relationship is struggling and you both seem unhappy, you may be wondering, “Can this marriage be saved?” Fortunately, even if things are bad, there is always hope that not only can it be saved, but that it can be made better than before.

Even though many couples get divorced, those marriages could have been saved and made better; all it takes is those couples being totally committed to finding out what is needed and making it work.

In amongst all of that, there will always be marriages that should never have been, like abusive and unhealthy relationships. In these situations it’s the individuals that need saving, not the relationship. Sometimes the abusive partner will change, but when their actions are continually validated, it is unlikely. It is better to get out first and let the remorseful partner prove that they will change, and have changed, before thinking about being together again.

Maybe We Are Better Apart
Maybe We Are Better Apart

So Can You Save Your Marriage?

So, can this marriage be saved? What do you think, deep down in your heart? What do you want, both from your marriage and what you want to put into it? That you are reading this means you are looking for ways to save your marriage, and the good news is you can save it if you really want to.

On the other hand, if you think it is better to get out of it now, I assume that you have thought long and hard about this and have explored all your options for keeping your relationship going before giving up on it. It is okay to say I have given it everything I can and it isn’t going to work. In that case, it is better for you and your partner to be free to move on and build a life without each other, to realise your individual potentials.

I Want to Be With You
I Want to Be With You

Your Marriage Can Be Saved

So, you have decided that your marriage is worth saving; you love your spouse and want to stay married to them. The good news is that you are already on your way to getting your desire, because you have made that decision. I am not going to kid you about this, though, because it will take effort and a commitment to making it work; it might be simple but not necessarily easy to do. There is a saying that goes along the lines of - that if it is worth something, it will require work; nothing ventured, nothing gained.

The first step after deciding that you still want to work on your marriage, is talking with your spouse. Until you are honest and upfront with them about what you think is happening, you cannot make any progress. You need to gently tell them that you think the relationship is in trouble or failing, and they will either tell you what they perceive, or be very surprised at your revelation. The only way to deal with any issues is to be able to talk about them and together find a mutually beneficial solution.

The trick here is not to lay blame on anyone for the problems, but be accountable and own your part in the relationship break-down. Nothing will be gained by pointing the finger, and it will only make it harder for both of you to want to fix things between you.

Unfortunately, it is so easy to see whatever the other person is doing that needs fixing, but the saving grace here is to look at yourself and identify what behaviors you bring to the relationship that are not helpful, and endeavour to find better ways to relate. By offering viable solutions to your part in this, you open the way for your partner to do the same.

Getting Close Again
Getting Close Again

Begin to Save Your Marriage

When you approach your partner, do so in a calm, kind and loving way. Be willing to say sorry and ask for forgiveness for what you have done or have not done, without any expectation that your spouse will immediately do the same. This is an important factor here. You cannot say sorry to prompt your partner to say sorry, you must be genuinely ready to change things and want to put things right for your apology to be accepted. Even if it is not, if you asking for forgiveness in genuine, let it speak to your lover’s heart. Don’t panic and don’t plead. Allow them to process your remorse.

Talk in a non-confrontational manner with them when you are determined to fix things. “Can this marriage be saved?” is not the question you want to ask them! But, rather, you want to convey to them that you love them; that your marriage is important to you, and you are willing to do whatever it takes to build a happy marriage for you both.

The next part in saving your marriage is that you both commit to working on it and that you both desire to rebuild your relationship. It can be done with only one of you working on it to begin with but it is better that you both desire to want to be together. You may need to tell your partner your reasons behind your question ‘can this marriage be saved’ but just as important you need to know that they also want to save your marriage.

Comments and Feedback - What Has Worked for You?

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No comments yet.


    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

    Show Details
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)