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Can This Marriage Be Saved – Where Do You Begin With This Question

Updated on April 10, 2012
Don't Break My Heart
Don't Break My Heart

Can This Marriage Be Saved - Sometimes Not

If your relationship is struggling and you both seem unhappy, you may be wondering, “Can this marriage be saved?” Fortunately, even if things are bad, there is always hope that not only can it be saved, but that it can be made better than before.

Even though many couples get divorced, those marriages could have been saved and made better; all it takes is those couples being totally committed to finding out what is needed and making it work.

In amongst all of that, there will always be marriages that should never have been, like abusive and unhealthy relationships. In these situations it’s the individuals that need saving, not the relationship. Sometimes the abusive partner will change, but when their actions are continually validated, it is unlikely. It is better to get out first and let the remorseful partner prove that they will change, and have changed, before thinking about being together again.

Maybe We Are Better Apart
Maybe We Are Better Apart

So Can You Save Your Marriage?

So, can this marriage be saved? What do you think, deep down in your heart? What do you want, both from your marriage and what you want to put into it? That you are reading this means you are looking for ways to save your marriage, and the good news is you can save it if you really want to.

On the other hand, if you think it is better to get out of it now, I assume that you have thought long and hard about this and have explored all your options for keeping your relationship going before giving up on it. It is okay to say I have given it everything I can and it isn’t going to work. In that case, it is better for you and your partner to be free to move on and build a life without each other, to realise your individual potentials.

I Want to Be With You
I Want to Be With You

Your Marriage Can Be Saved

So, you have decided that your marriage is worth saving; you love your spouse and want to stay married to them. The good news is that you are already on your way to getting your desire, because you have made that decision. I am not going to kid you about this, though, because it will take effort and a commitment to making it work; it might be simple but not necessarily easy to do. There is a saying that goes along the lines of - that if it is worth something, it will require work; nothing ventured, nothing gained.

The first step after deciding that you still want to work on your marriage, is talking with your spouse. Until you are honest and upfront with them about what you think is happening, you cannot make any progress. You need to gently tell them that you think the relationship is in trouble or failing, and they will either tell you what they perceive, or be very surprised at your revelation. The only way to deal with any issues is to be able to talk about them and together find a mutually beneficial solution.

The trick here is not to lay blame on anyone for the problems, but be accountable and own your part in the relationship break-down. Nothing will be gained by pointing the finger, and it will only make it harder for both of you to want to fix things between you.

Unfortunately, it is so easy to see whatever the other person is doing that needs fixing, but the saving grace here is to look at yourself and identify what behaviors you bring to the relationship that are not helpful, and endeavour to find better ways to relate. By offering viable solutions to your part in this, you open the way for your partner to do the same.

Getting Close Again
Getting Close Again

Begin to Save Your Marriage

When you approach your partner, do so in a calm, kind and loving way. Be willing to say sorry and ask for forgiveness for what you have done or have not done, without any expectation that your spouse will immediately do the same. This is an important factor here. You cannot say sorry to prompt your partner to say sorry, you must be genuinely ready to change things and want to put things right for your apology to be accepted. Even if it is not, if you asking for forgiveness in genuine, let it speak to your lover’s heart. Don’t panic and don’t plead. Allow them to process your remorse.

Talk in a non-confrontational manner with them when you are determined to fix things. “Can this marriage be saved?” is not the question you want to ask them! But, rather, you want to convey to them that you love them; that your marriage is important to you, and you are willing to do whatever it takes to build a happy marriage for you both.

The next part in saving your marriage is that you both commit to working on it and that you both desire to rebuild your relationship. It can be done with only one of you working on it to begin with but it is better that you both desire to want to be together. You may need to tell your partner your reasons behind your question ‘can this marriage be saved’ but just as important you need to know that they also want to save your marriage.

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