- Gender and Relationships»
Surviving Infidelity - Can a Marriage be Saved after an Affair
It’s the question most asked when marriages encounter an infidelity. Can this marriage be saved? Celebrity couples are not immune. Being rich and famous doesn’t protect you from affairs. It’s these Hollywood scandals that draw so much attention.
High profile affairs
Tiger Woods admitted to extramarital affairs. Elizabeth Edwards eventually separated from her husband, John Edwards after finding out he fathered a child. And before Elizabeth’s death, she said she put her children first in order to maintain her relationship with their father.
For those in the public eye it is especially difficult. Their hurt and open wounds are exposed to everyone.
Sandra Bullock won an Oscar before losing her husband. After finding out about Jesse James affairs, Sandra walked away. Everyone watches. What will she do? People support the victims of adulterous partners. The person who committed the affair is looked upon as the bad guy.
Arnold and Maria
Arnold Shwarzenegger released this statement, “I understand and deserve the feelings of anger and disappointment among my friends and family. There are no excuses and I take full responsibility for the hurt I have caused. I have apologized to Maria, my children and my family. I am truly sorry. I ask that the media respect my wife and children through this extremely difficult time," the statement concluded. "While I deserve your attention and criticism, my family does not."
Others like political figure, Hilary Clinton stood by her husband after finding out about his adulterous affair. Even religious leaders have been caught in scandals. No marriage is safe from temptation. When it ensues, what does a person do? Should a woman stand by her man? Can the marriage be saved?
Arnold has apologized and is working to regain their trust. His relationship scandal is in the public eye. Maria Shriver has said, “As a mother, my concern is for the children. I ask for compassion, respect and privacy as my children and I try to rebuild our lives and heal.”
One in five men admit to cheating
According to a Today’s Show correspondent, one in five men in America admit to cheating. While some women stay in the marriage and try to deal with it, others choose to walk away. When it becomes more than just an affair and a child is born out of wedlock. The deceptions, the betrayal, and the lies are shocking revelations for all those involved.
Women trust, men trust, and in a marriage the couple hope their marriage will survive everything. Anyone who has suffered from a broken heart can testify healing takes time.
Professional help is needed. Marriage counseling is necessary if the couple chooses to stay together. Biblical counseling can restore a marriage. God’s heart breaks when marriages breakdown. It was never His design for marriages to fail. God’s heart is a heart of compassion. His love has no bounds.
Temptations are lurking
The world promises all kinds of deception. An illicit affair looks promising. It’s an escape from reality, a chance to fill an emptiness a person feels. It is deceiving, it is a lie. The father of all lies, Satan himself, desires to corrupt the heart. He will put ideas, thoughts and situations in front of a person.
A teaser which misguides and misleads a person into things he knows he shouldn’t be doing. It is everywhere, in the media, in movies, in porn and in the portrayal of women as sexual objects. Temptation surrounds every human being and there is no getting away from it. No matter what a person does, temptation will be lurking around the corner. There is a spiritual warfare in this world that desires to break down the love. It is evil with immoral intentions.
A unifying marriage is a constant work in progress. People have a choice. They can give into that temptation or choose to walk, no run, from it.
- The sanctity of marriage is based upon love.
- The foundation of marriage is based on love.
- The strength of a marriage is based on love.
- There is no love without trust.
- There is no love with deception.
- Trust must be earned.
- Love must be shared.
Love and trust walk side by side in a marriage. When trust has been broken, it will take God’s healing love to bandage the wounds of pain.
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." – Proverbs 3:5-6
Can a marriage survive?
Can this marriage be saved, or can any marriage survive after infidelity? The answer lies within each marriage.
The strongest person in a marriage is the one who chooses to stay faithful.
When the communication in a marriage stops and the love between two people are lost, the marriage needs a restoration.
Two people must be working together. Ultimately strength can be found in Christ.
Take this poll
Would you stay in a marriage if your partner was unfaithful?
When sorry is the hardest word.
It will require time to heal. It will require an openness to be heard and a willingness to feel the pain. It will not be easy.
To stay in a marriage after infidelity is the hardest thing to do.
When sorry isn’t enough, when hurt and betrayal feels like a knife in the heart, and when all you can muster is to get out of bed in the morning, that’s when you choose forgiveness.
It is the hardest lesson of life when betrayal and hurt causes so much pain. When the joy of your life has become the revulsion of your life and you feel like giving up. When all the memories and dreams you cherished have just been tossed out to sea and you don’t care about anything.
When you can’t find understanding or reason for such a thing to happen, then look to the Father. God comforts. God heals. God offers dignity and lifts the heart with compassion. He will set the mind at ease. He will embrace the heart with love. He will give back what you lost.
For God will renew your strength on the wings of eagles.
As Isaiah 40:31 states, “but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”
When a marriage breaks down, the reasons for affairs are numerous. Dealing with shock, sadness, and grief takes time.
Find support. Don’t do anything rash.
For couples to survive the infidelity, they must be willing to do the work. Understand it’s a process.
If they are willing to do the work then a better relationship can evolve.
Growing through the pain, they may find on the other side, after all the hard work is done, a better relationship is possible.
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What are the 10 steps to recovery?
Find professional help
Learn the power of effective communication
Agree to disagree
Be prepared to listen without judgment or hostility.
Be committed to saving the marriage. Being willing to work it out means both spouses need to be entirely committed.
Make each other and your marriage a priority.
Work towards restoration and forgiveness
Rededicate the love commitment you once made to each other