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Dating: Can You Be Too Picky?

Updated on April 24, 2009

What about you?

Do you have more guy friends or more girl friends?

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Develop the "call 'em like I see 'em" superpower!

I am picky. It doesn't matter what it is, shoes, outfits, movies, television shows...choices always present a major challenge for me. Dating guys? Well, I'm probably one of the pickiest girls in the world. Don't believe me? It has been said that I just might be the female version of Jerry Seinfeld. I've had two serious relationships (longest lasting 4 months) and only dated 10 guys. I'm picky. Why is this? I have many close (straight) male friends. Furthermore, is being picky when it comes to dating a bad thing? Not necessarily! 

I am so picky when it comes to dating because I know how guys are. Let me explain. I love my guy friends. I really do. They are like brothers to me and can do no wrong. However, I caught myself playfully scolding them this weekend, stating that they are "sooooooo sketchy". To the outside eye, they are absolutely not, but I know how they joke around and what they think about the girls that they pursue. They are articulate, graduates of prestigious colleges and have fantastic jobs....good catches, right? I'm not so sure. I know how they are and I'd never date any of them after knowing what I know. Mostly, I am very thankful for having such close platonic relationships with guys. I know how they operate, I know how they think and this gives me the upper hand when it comes to dating. I can analyze almost any guy that approaches me and know whether or not I want to date him immediately.

For the ladies out there that have no close (straight) guy friends, please try it. Your dating life will change, for the better, I promise! You absolutely should secure one or two close guy friends (not ex-boyfriends, for obvious reasons). You will gain a wonderful perspective as to how guys view women (i.e. are they too clingy, too sweet, too obnoxious, etc). I believe these "insider" topics will help you out when you meet a guy that you really do like. I know that guys get intimidated when girls are too clingy and yes, we do this when we really like a guy. So many times I have seen girls that are so naive and have no clue what most guys are really like and what they truly think.

In closing, I'll be the first to admit that I am really picky when it comes to dating, but I've also not had as many awful dating experiences like so many girls I know. I've shied away from potentially toxic men because of my insights learned from my male friends. Yes, I've had my share of mistakes, but I'm not as naive as most girls out there.

Take my advice. Develop some close, platonic relationships with a few guys in your life and you'll quickly develop analytical skills for the next time that cute guy asks you out. Is he worth it and does he respect you? Chances are, you'll be able to "call 'em like I see 'em" and that, my friends, is never a bad thing. You deserve that insight! I consider it a superpower.


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    • gmwilliams profile image

      Grace Marguerite Williams 

      7 years ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

      In this chaotic and insane society, one can NEVER be too picky when it comes to dating. With all the wackos, weirdos, and psychos out there, an intelligent person has to be prudent in studying, interviewing, getting past references from ex-dates, and thoroughly investing a prospective date before acting dating the person. Many people have been burned because they were not picky before dating a person. Many women have been raped, physically abused, and/or dead because they were not picky daters and dated men at face value.

    • profile image

      Typical female perspective 

      8 years ago

      I wanted to address this blog. I am a good looking educated male who will agree to some of the points that you make and I understand why one might think this way. It's not entirely wrong either. I thought about what you said about clingy, at one time or another all males are (including me). The typical response to this is either we are "crazy, insecure or have low self esteem". That may be true at times but ladies please examine what your actions contribute to this.” MO”, I understand the frustration. First and foremost you are probably keeping some of those male friends around as standby "be honest". Second even if you're not thinking this, they probably are. If you want males to stop doing some of thing we do here is the way to go about it. First don't flirt with other males while you're on a date, it makes you look cheap, and sets a precedent on how we will view you. Second once we have been dating a while and we are at a bar or meeting up and males are all around you hitting on you, acknowledge it. Send us a signal to make us feel more comfortable. Wink at us, alight touch, smile, and or introduce us. It does wonders. All males tend to be territorial even if we don't want to be. Besides it's a respect thing. Last but not least on this point, understand your role in inviting these responses by other males. Yes some will hit on you no matter what, but a lot of the time you are inviting them to do this because you adore the attention, if the roles were reversed you would probably feel the same way. Look, I would rather date a picky woman or one who has a few issues over a woman who exhibits sign of selfishness (i.e... moral flexibility, hypocriticalness etc...) There are some of us out there (good men). Just remember your sex illicit a lot of these responses by your actions. Remember to show us the same respect and faithfulness you want. Don't be the usual hypocrite. This will make all of the difference in the world. Above all else “do not ask advice from you female friend unless they are the type who will call you on your role in a situation”. When discussing it with male friend/ male co-worker remember what I said about male motives earlier.

    • profile image


      8 years ago

      How would you feel if the roles were switched and the guys were overly picky about you? How about guys constantly say NO NO NO to you not give you much of any chance? Only on the first dates the men say oh we had a nice time but no thanks for the second date and you really liked that guy. Huh how would you feel? I guarantee you, you would bitch, moan and cry to your girlfriends that the guys don't give you any chance. But oh WAIT in women's mind's it's all very OK that women can be so overly picky starting with the oh so over rated MAJOR criteria that women so much overly emphasize is men's HEIGHT and the list can keep going on and on and on for women.

      Then comes the date and women these days has so so so WAY overly high expectations on the first date that the men MUST JUST MUST be on his A++ game or you women just say nope without even thinking. What if he was nervous? What if that guy takes a little longer to get warmed up to talk it up? Women these days just want that PERFECT robot guy that on a first date he is the PERFECT talker, of course is the oh so popular ASSHOLE, he doesn’t miss a beat, he is of course absolute perfect on the first date, he can read the women’s mind that women want. GEEZE wouldn't life be really boring with the MAN ROBOT so many women want. Men and women are not f****** PERFECT!!! Give the men second dates and you ladies will get much much further!!

    • profile image


      9 years ago

      I think we all get "picky" after we get hurt a few times. Of course taking pickiness to the extreme is a good way to be lonely for the rest of your life.

      Even good looking finacially stable men have skeletons in their closets. Besides alot of people carry on a bit differently online than they do in real life so how do you truly know how to make a sound judgement?

      Even if you marry Mr. right there will be complications. Many (not all) people set the bar so high now days it borders on being delusional.

      Also what if say a nice intelligent man has a disability or is not living high on the hog. Is that automatic grounds to say "Access denied!"?

      The biggest problem is in the past couples tried really hard to work through problems. In the present one argument can lead to a break up or divorce. We need to learn to practice "effort" again.

    • profile image


      9 years ago

      We girls can be sooo picky but thats the thing we have to be, so i totally agree with you 100%, having straight guy friends shows us exactly why we are so picky, I love my guy friends to death dont get me wrong, its just that, well you see how they can treat girls at times and realise that they may be including us as one of the guys!! but we then come to a realisation that we need to be picky to get what we want and make it last

    • trooper22 profile image


      9 years ago from Chicago

      Good points Girly. I can go on for pages and pages (I think I will, but not here) about the ins and outs of picking up women. Smart, and worldly women are a campaign not a date (but they are the best catches), and the first date is usually much like a job interview. Not to mention the guy has to pass the guy test of all the Girl's Guy Friends. This usually happens on the 2nd to 5th date. Keep those friends...and NEVER EVER make doodoo where you like to snack. ie. don't get romantic with one of them on the way home after a few to many cocktails.

    • lumberjack profile image


      9 years ago


    • Will Apse profile image

      Will Apse 

      9 years ago

      I draw the line at women with hair on their ears. Many times I have drawn the line at women.

    • girly_girl09 profile imageAUTHOR


      9 years ago from United States

      ahaha. The only reason why I'm so picky is at the fault of my guy friends! Seriously haha. If I didn't know how the average guy operates, I'd date a lot more guys. Sometimes I think that ignorance is bliss!

    • trish1048 profile image


      9 years ago

      Another good hub :)

      My personal opinion is that yes, sometimes women can be too picky, to the extent that they never allow themselves to grow and learn how to deal with the 'less than perfect' man.  There is no such thing as perfect.

      Ok, so the guy has less than stellar fashion sense.  That's not to say he isn't a nice person.  Or, he's not the best housekeeper in the world, but it doesn't make him a total slob.  Perhaps he feels about you in a way you don't feel about him, it doesn't mean he wouldn't make the best friend in the world.

      Getting to know someone takes time, and yes sometimes patience.  People need to look beyond the cover.  It's all about communication and compromise.  There are things that need to be overlooked because in the big picture, it doesn't matter.  Get to know someone first before judging based on outer appearances and outer behavior.  The guy who is a clown around his friends may be the most caring, sensitive guy you'll ever meet.  One just never knows :)

      I am not suggesting that you shouldn't have your own guidelines and opinions about what you will accept or tolerate.  Those are fine, but they shouldn't be extreme.

      Thanks for sharing!

    • girly_girl09 profile imageAUTHOR


      9 years ago from United States

      thank you! I enjoyed writing it. :)


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