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Can you fall in love with someone you have never met?

Updated on January 11, 2009
"True Love" ambigram
"True Love" ambigram

Can you fall in love with someone you've never met? As much as we human beings want to answer this question, "Why, yes, it's possible. You have to love someone for who they are within, not what they are on the exterior," or, "Of course! You shouldn't judge a book by its cover," or a slew of other reasons that make us believe we're really "good" people on the inside because we don't judge people based on looks, that is nothing but a huge guise the majority of people live behind. Also, falling in love with a person whom you've never met, and falling in love with the same person and how they are live in the flesh can be two completely different experiences.

First and foremost, we have to determine what kind of "love" we're talking about here. I am a firm believer that you can "love" anyone in a variety of different forms of the word, and for a variety of different reasons. For the sake of argument, we'll stick to the classic head-over-heels kind of love.

This head-over-heels kind of love I think comes with many stipulations, which I believe are stemmed from being surrounded in a society that shoves fairy tales and happy endings into our faces, raising us to believe what "love" is supposed to be. This in itself can spark a whole section of questions to list the varieties of "love," but we'll save that for another day. Ultimately, I do believe that it is possible for people to see beyond these stereotypes and figure out how to achieve this glorious feeling referred to above. In the end, you should love someone on the inside and outside to really be "in love."

To love someone on the inside, you find similarities between yourself and this special person. Sometimes you share the same taste in extracurricular activities, sometimes you endure the same religious rituals/beliefs, and sometimes it comes down to things like having the same obscure taste in ice cream flavor or the way a tube of toothpaste is squeezed. These interior trait resemblances are things that are important in falling in love and staying in love for years to come. These are things that really make up the base of a relationship. These are the things that live past the exterior of any person. So it makes sense that the possiblity exsists of someone genuinely falling in love with some one's interior before meeting them.

So how exactly does someone fall in love without meeting? Nowadays there are a variety of different methods available, especially since the Internet has become a widespread method of communication around the world. People can interact in chat rooms, via Myspace or Facebook, a handful of dating sites, or perhaps the possible chance of stumbling across some one's special skills/services website. Regardless of the scenario, the medium is usually the same: casual chatter is typed between two people which may develop into regular emails. This can lead to an exchanging of phone numbers which can segue into text messages, and then ::gasp!:: an actual phone call. The basis of the initial getting-to-know-you stage is via written words. The problem with the written word is that it can be edited. Not only can it be edited to make yourself appear a certain way, the written word that reaches the other party involved is usually internally censored, thus making it hard to tell how the person actually is in real life.

So here you are, interacting with this "person" and what they've led you to believe is their true self. You've maybe exchanged photos and have accepted what this other person looks like because you're "fallen in love" with what you believe is who they really are. Now granted, the things they've told you and what you've learned about this other person may genuinely be true, and you maybe actually have many things in common and you may think they're your soulmate, but the one thing that can't be portrayed in real life are a person's mannerisms. I think this is an exterior factor that people overlook.

I'll use an example from my own recent encounter with this exact situation. I had posted a single's ad on Craigslist, and this guy I met was through a response to this ad. The delivery of his response was impeccable. I took notice to his imaginative way of expressing his feelings through whimsicle metaphors and fabulous grammar. His hobbies were similar to mine; we experienced many of the same things in past relationships; we had a lot of the same beliefs in a number of diferent subjects. This began the list of obscure similarities that I would not have found had we initally met face-to-face. We emailed back and forth, and developed a rapport and online relationship. We had so much in common, things I never thought I'd have found in anyone! I was smitten. We had even exchanged photos and I thought he was cute, so the physical attraction was even in exsistence.

The friendly emails turned into a swapping of phone numbers and regular text messages followed. This lasted for a couple months. It turned into text flirting and the sending of romantic thoughts and messages. It was really sweet and kind of surreal. Eventually we graduated to phone conversation--our phone conversations were even great! In fact, one lasted almost 8 hours! I started thinking that maybe it was possible to find someone online that I could genuinely care about. And I felt that since we had gotten the "get-to-know-you" crap out of the way, we could start to develop something in person and it could actually last and possibly go on to be an epic love story.

One day we finally decided to meet. We had arranged a casual meeting just to hang out and chat. To my surprise, this guy turned out to be completely different in person! He was annoying, high strung, and just a bit overwhelming...nothing like he had made himsef out to be during our prior interactions. I thought it just might have been first meeting jitters, so I gave him another chance. We chatted on the phone again later that night and he was back to the "normal" guy I had initially met, so we planned another date. Once again, as soon as we were together in person, he was back to the obnoxious guy I had first met the first time. His true life mannerisms were COMPLETELY different than the ones he had in writing and on the phone. I was appalled and disappointed. This is where the magic was lost and what could have been epic turned into horror.

I can't say I fell "in love," because I'm not one to just go throwing those words around every time I meet someone, but I was "in like." This one prime example makes me think that you can't truly know someone without spending time with them in person. The words he had put in emails and the way he carried himself in phone conversation were entirely different than the person he was in real life. The person I had gotten to know didn't actually exist, except in my virtual fantasy world.

There is no way I could have found out about our incompatibility without having met in person. I didn't actually know this guy. If you do not truly know someone, you cannot truly fall in love with them. So, as much as someone thinks they're "in love" with someone they've never met, they cannot say they love the person whole heartedly until that fateful day they finally share the same breathing space together.


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    • profile image

      Marie Dores 

      2 years ago

      I agree with your article!

      I am from Canada & I am in love with the police officer in the States who is in charge of my Fraud case. We have been in contact 1 year now by emails/ a few phone call and many text messages. What started as a professional relation has become more personal, we have so much in commun. Of course he knows alot of infos about me & he knows how I look like. All I know is that he is single, same age as me & he gave me a brief description of himself & that`s all . Until I am no longer a victim in one of his case, I will keep my feelings to myself but I am planning to go and meet him.

      Whatever happen then, I will always be fond of him...

    • JT Evergreen profile image

      JT Evergreen 

      2 years ago from Mountain View

      It happened to me just recently. I'm 77 and the last thing I expected or was looking for was any kind of romantic connection. One becomes invisible after 50 but by 77 you are off the charts completely, or so I thought.

      A friend was coming from L.A. to the Big Island of Hawai'i and she said she was bringing goodies. My wicked sense of humor kicked in and I wrote back, Make sure he's around 60, 6'2", weights 225 lbs. and is moneyed. We laughed about it. That was December 5, 2016.

      I encourage friendships on my FaceBook because I'm an author and wish to promote my writings. I don't remember how I got to one particular FaceBook site, but it had a poll. One of the questions was 'Do you believe in God.' I clicked 'yes' and forgot about it. A few days later my chat box lit up from this person with the message 'Tell me about God.' Being a metaphysical practitioner, I, of course, made an appropriate response, suggesting a book I had written Stepping Stones to God. It did not stop there. The long and short of it turned out to be he is 52, 6'2" weighs 189 lbs and is well to do. I kept avoiding the personal comments and putting him off. But after a while I began to see someone beneath the words that needed love as much as I did. I stopped writing and blocked him but that didn't stop him. The worst part is he lives 7,160 air miles from me and there is nothing we can do about it. We've both finally admitted that we've fallen in love with each other and now what. We'll probably never meet which is sad. I told him we'd have to leave it up to Kismet. The first line in a story I wrote recently "May I Cut In" is - Every once in a while something unexpected happens and life changes. Ciao, JT

    • Ngozi Ebubedike profile image

      Ngozi Ebubedike Ahumibe 

      2 years ago from Lagos, Nigeria

      I agree with you. I was once smitten by a guy albeit from afar, when we eventually went on a date, I was so disappointed, my love went cold instantly.

      For you to say you're in love you really have to get to know the person, and there must be a physical interrection.

    • profile image


      3 years ago

      I need pictures I am in love with someone

    • profile image


      4 years ago

      Very neat article post.Much thanks again. Much obliged. dfdadfaegdgk

    • profile image


      4 years ago

      Dear Alice

      I fell In love with a guy online he was from the us and I was from the uk he was 30 and I was 19 we loved talking and then onesay he asked if we could Skype so we started skyping we skyped loads a year later I went on holiday to America with some friend and decided to meet him. When I meet him he was just the most amazing guy I knew we got really close and he told me to stay with him while I was on holiday so I did, we had the most amazing time together but then the holiday came to an end on the last day there he told me he had fallen in love with me and that were ganna make it work I was so happy. When I got back to the uk he txt and skyped me everyday but then he suddenly stopped I was heart broken he changed he's number and everything. 3 months later I found out I was pregnant I was so scared and didn't know what to do I told my family and they were not happy but they stuck by me. I wish I could tell him but I lost all contact with him I had a baby boy and have been a single mom. Last mouth I was out with my mates shopping and he was there with some girl i couldn't speak he smiled and came over I was literally in tears and he asked what was wrong I told him to leave me alone he ran after me and sat me dins he asked why I was soo upset he said me and him were years ago and he thought I was over him I asked him why he stopped all contact with me he said he'd got in a relationship I was like but u said ud make it work between us. He said it couldn't work we live to far I was like just leave me alone I brushed in tears again he looked at me in the eyes and asked me what was wrong I told him we have a 4 year old boy together he was gob smacked. He asked me he's name and if he could see him and I was like I need to tell him about he's dad first my baby was excited to see he's dad in person I still love him but what hurt me the most is whn he brought he's gf to see hes kid for the first time i can't stop loving him what can I do

    • profile image


      4 years ago

      I fell in love with a guy in the us and I'm from the uk I was 19 and he was 30 were married know and have 2 twin boys online love can work if your willing to make the move my family don't talk to move. We talked for a whole year before meeting each other in person I was crazy about him he was the most sweetest person I knew he understood me we Skype most of the time he works in the military so I was always scared thinking would it work could I cope but it did. I live in the us know but like I said before my family don't talk to me because of the age difference and me moving away so that really sucks but know I have my own small family so girls If u love someone online u must tell them

    • profile image

      shanti roya 

      5 years ago

      Love is a feeling of two person or we also say that love is a game which is play by both person and win also .♥♡♥♡♥♡

    • profile image


      5 years ago

      i too hav faln in love vd a guy ...i met thru fb n nw v use to chat in watspp he told me dat he liks me...should we mov a step further....coz its sure v r nvr gng to meet...coz hs live in another city far frm

    • profile image


      5 years ago

      A very good hub. I'm sorry that your experience wasn't all that great, but at least you got to meet in person and see what he was all about. I guess you're right that you can't really fall in love with someone whole heartedly until that day that you look into each others eyes. voted up!

    • rainpurplewine profile image


      5 years ago from ATLANTA,Ga

      Great Hub. It's true, you can not just go by words and phone conversations. An actual in person vibe will always be different,sometimes no vibe at all. Maybe try skype to see the mannerisms before meeting. :)

    • profile image

      dian lewis 

      5 years ago

      it happened to me, i met some over a social network, and fell in love, it was hard, because i loved him so, even though he had a family, i wanted him, and eventaully i did...then he left....i ask myself this question is it wrong to love someone knowing their in a Relationship, married with family, i guess not, you cant really help who you love and who loves you in return.

    • profile image


      6 years ago

      you can know someone more talking and texting... or it feels like it...11 months and we will meet soon... the joy of my life

    • profile image

      lovely girl 

      6 years ago

      falling in love with someone does not need if u do know him or not because since u find out the similarities betwwen u two u will trust this person and give him ur life bcz u believe that he deserves it!!

    • seajon profile image


      6 years ago from Philippines

      I think it would be preposterous to fall in love with someone you never met. Doing so is madness.

    • profile image

      Richard Unity 

      6 years ago

      True luv is a disease dat can not be cured.

    • profile image


      6 years ago

      It happened to me. i feel head over heels for someone i never once spoke to. We started to talk, and then we started dating. Well we got married. It might be a fluke but to me, i believe that this is true. It might not happen to everyone, but it happened to me

    • profile image


      6 years ago

      yes i strongly believe you can fall in love with someone you have never met.

    • profile image


      6 years ago

      i feel in love to and did not met him

    • profile image


      6 years ago

      It happened to me, I've met someone online, he was totally adorable, we've talked by phone and chatted for a month or two, then decided to meet up...I felt like I had feelings for him, sometimes they were strong.

      But in person, he was totally completely different.

      I did not like anything about him, his smile, his awkward walk, no sex appeal, his hair, the way he dresses was horrible, I had a nightmare of a vacation coz I had to fly 3 hours to meet him, but he was kind to me, but overbearingly rude and angry to everyone else all the time, I was SO disappointed, i was glad to get back home and exhaled :)

    • carolinemoon profile image


      7 years ago

      Very interesting. Voted up!

    • PamelaTheresa profile image


      8 years ago

      If two people communicating on the Internet have never in person and deem themselves to be a couple and emotionally attached, it is a delusion. Not to say there is never an exception, however, it is the rule.

    • profile image


      8 years ago

      Love is the Bond seen through the hidden eye at the heart. Its a pull if some one is gonna meet you no matter how far that person may be they meet. And sometimes knowing a person and living for whole life love doesn't occur.

      Love is like ocean calm and deep where the waves of millions emotions evolve and submerge some are big some are not unnoticeable. But the beauty of it is that they are from the 1.

    • Pollyannalana profile image


      8 years ago from US

      My sister's best friend got me to being pen pals with her husbands young brother years ago and it was really fun and I did fall in love and was sure he did too but when he found out I was two years younger than him he got very mad and that was the end right there. It hurt, But I got over it. It was his

    • profile image


      8 years ago

      i am going through this right now. i fell in love with a woman's profile because everything she said was the same thing i was going through. she was fed up with guys hurting her and falling victim to guys who dont know what they want. Then you look at her pics and you cant believe someone would toy with such a beautiful yet innocent lookin girl. It made me want to cradle her and protect her from the big bad world shes been living in. Funny thing is, after i told her i would like to meet her because i know we would get along well, she tells me "you're a great friend" which if you been around the block, you know that means she is not into you. Bad enough i had to deal with that, but now she just reads my emails but doesn't reply. And this is driving me nuts. I dunno if what i am feeling is hurt or leftover love that i grew for her. As much as it creeps me, i admit i like the drama. How long before i snap? i dunno.

    • profile image 

      8 years ago from Somewhere on the highway....

      I have suffered from this many times...i am afraid that i live in my thoughts,in my heart i love(i am very emotional),in my brain i don't and i now the world isn't perfect..these two feelings contradict each other so badly my head gets so mixed up....i feel like a loser in one way but in the other i think that understanding the difference gets me out of trouble with relationships that aren't ment to be...

    • profile image


      8 years ago

      hhmmmmm.... well!! thoughtful hub.. its right that everyone has different personalty while talking on phone or chatting and when we meet in person... because when you talk on phone or chatting.. you try to put best about you.. only thing you are concentrating is that person in front of you.. bt when you meet in person.. whole surroundings and nature becomes a part of ur personality.. hence.. characters are defined... lovely thought..

      Thanks for sharing...

      keep writing

    • profile image


      8 years ago

      this is a very interesting topic, i enjoyed your take on it.

    • Run Down Battery profile image

      Run Down Battery 

      9 years ago from UK

      Conversely, my wife an I have parted and, to our surprise, still talk regularly on MSN. It seems we couldn't live together but can 'Chat' together quite happily. And yes, of course I still love her!!

    • donotfear profile image

      Annette Thomas 

      9 years ago from Northeast Texas

      Good reading. Definitely needs to be discussed.

    • TammyK profile image


      9 years ago

      to a certain extent, the answer is yes...if you communicate in somekind of way before you meet them, it's a possibility of that happening. providing you are telling the truth. you can talk by way of phone, e-mail and I guess the new thing texting. other then that how could you come to love them. that's like i hear a name or see a man in a movie and I claim to love him. not saying i didn't like movie stars when i was young. you do have to at least know their name to begin to even know if you like them or not.

    • profile image


      9 years ago

      I didn't want to believe it. I have better sense than that. I have fallen for him though. Perhaps I am lost in my own thoughts. I have not seen his eyes so I can not blame them. I must take full responsibility for agreeing to meet him. It is an act of hope that is very much unlike me. He is making his travel plans. He says life is too short to wait. I say that I trust no images in this desert of waiting. I need to see him laugh. I can not make him the promise he longs for without it. If he is the man he appears to be, then it is true, love can be seeded in the mind. It just takes time for the vines to reach the heart.

    • profile image

      B.C. BOUTIQUE 

      9 years ago

      yes, it is very possible to fall in love with an unkown person or someone you have not met yet ( no, Im not talking about lusting after a musician, tv or movie star, etc.)

      Love works in mysterious ways and we really do not have control over the one who falls in love with us and the one we fall in love with. Hopefully if the constelllations are in allignment, the 2 unknown lovers meet and may not realize it, but instincivly know that they have met their unknown but destined love.


    • profile image

      philip carey 61 

      9 years ago

      The thing about internet relationships is that they are somehow more disposable than other relationships. It's like those things they used to sell called "sea monkeys". You interact with them and then put them away when you're done. The potential for really knowing someone is here. But so is the potential for being deceived in the most profound ways. My father, before he died, was quite the internet Romeo. I later found out he had been mailing my pictures to some poor woman in Asia, representing it as himself. Long story, but she contacted me and was devastated. Oh, confessions of lifelong love were exchanged, whispered intimacies. It's the ultimate playground for the player who doesn't have the looks to work the game in real life (the kind where you actually see people in person). I think these internet relationships are often an avoidance mechanism for people who don't have the courage to make changes in their real life. They idealize some stranger, foisting upon them all their hopes and dreams. In the end, they're only in love with their own thoughts.

      But, yes, it is possible to fall in love with your own thoughts about someone, then meet that person, and be confirmed. It's all theoretical up to that point, I agree.

      (my 2 cents)

    • profile image

      philip carey 61 

      9 years ago

      This is a very good topic, and you handled it well.

    • inocencia profile image


      9 years ago

      hello there. The greek lanquage distinquishes "love" from "in love". Of course you cannot love someone if you haven't meet with this person but i believe you can easily fall in love with someone just by talking to him/her, even online, better on the phone. I think when you are in love, you mind does most of the work and not your heart. True love needs years to be achieved. To fall in love... just a few seconds and in my opinion, even without physicical precense. Been there! Great hub!

    • OhKathryn profile image


      9 years ago from Michigan

      Loved reading this. I felt foolish to believe that I may have been falling for someone I've never met, but it's nice to know that other people have felt this way.

    • OhKathryn profile image


      9 years ago from Michigan

    • Mingtoy profile image


      9 years ago

      I agree, but one thing i can speak for myself when I say, I am the same through written word on a piece of paper as I am in person. Your right it may look good on paper or online. But are you really that person you speak of in person. That's why I say be true to yourself and to others because it makes a grand life to live.

    • Lady Summerset profile image

      Lady Summerset 

      9 years ago from Willingboro, New Jersey

      I believe it's because your voice reveals the truth of who one really is. Listening to a person's voice awakens your ability to discern the intentions of the other party. Boy, I guess that why my husband and I spend so much time on the phone when we're apart. It kinds of reminds me when he would call late at night and before we'd knew it, we had talked into the dawning of a new day!

    • profile image


      9 years ago

      I am so agree with you without meeting with person we can never know the person actual personality how can we beleive in today's time when people are having live in relationship before they get married as it is true what ever we write coz we like those things but your actual things come up when other people judge you they actually tell you when they spend some time with you so how can we imagine without meeting him or her

    • LondonGirl profile image


      10 years ago from London

      I agree with you - meeting is very important indeed. A really well-written and thoughtful hub!


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