- Gender and Relationships»
- Separation & Divorce
Can you take back a strayed husband? Needs great forgiving capacity!
The Black sheep!
The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.’ –Theodore Hesburgh
What gives meaning to marriage?
- The love you have for each other.
- The trust your spouse has in you.
- The trust you have in your spouse.
- They mutual loyalty you both have.
The world crumbles at your feet.
When there is no trust and loyalty in your marriage it loses its true meaning and worth. How will you feel when your husband whom you love so much leaves you for another woman? You feel shattered and the world crumbles at your feet, doesn’t it? You cannot believe that your husband has been callous enough to desert you for another woman.
The initial days of betrayal are traumatic for you and you feel hard to digest the fact that your husband has left you. You yearn for his return, but when he remains bewitched by the other woman you harden yourself and learn to lead your life alone as you have your children to look after. You slowly forget him and your life starts sailing along smoothly.
How will you feel when he wants to return to the family fold again?
What would your reaction be?
- You feel angered that he has the audacity to return.
- You do not want to experience the same agony as you have lost trust in him and feel he might make the same mistakes again.
It is very true certain mistakes leave a permanent scar in your life and betrayal of trust is one such mistake.
- How can you forget the tear-filled days you experienced?
- How can you forget the bewilderment of your children who could not understand why their father left them?
- How can you forgive the financial mess he left you in?
- How can you forget the insult you felt when you had to explain his absence to others?
But there is always space for improvement and enhancement in everyone’s life. When a person commits a mistake he should be punished and when he has hurt you in a mean and degrading way he does not deserve respect from you. You lose the love you had for your husband and mentally deviate from him. You are repulsed to even think of him. It is only natural you feel glowering anger when your husband returns back to you after shattering your life with a blow which struck you right in your heart.
Your children still love him!
You want to throw him out and rightly so. He doesn’t deserve anything less, but there is also another side you might consider. Your children might still love him and want him back as a father. Children being children always want the carefree love of their father. He might have been a good father and they cannot forget the fun they enjoyed with him. When he returns, they are delighted to have him as their young mind is excited by the fact that they can enjoy everything like old times.
Time is a great healer and you too might forget the impact of his disloyalty as time passes. The bitter memories might fade away and in its place you might take a practical view of what happened.
There are two choices before you.
- You can reject him and he thoroughly deserves it.
- But you can also forgive him and take him back to save your marriage.
Just like disloyalty, divorce too can cause immense sorrow and sadness. Divorce puts an end to your marriage and you cannot get back the lost life. Your children are deprived of their father and the separation makes them undergo various complexities which make them complicated in character and they become very difficult to deal with in future.
There is a saying in social research, ‘A mother is a mother all of your life, but a father is a father only when he has a wife‘- Leah Ward Wears- chief justice of the Georgia Supreme Court
Can you be magnanimous?
Instead, if you are magnanimous and generous you might retrieve what you had lost. A man is mostly led by the demands of his flesh and after the initial newness of the other woman fades away he regrets what he had done. It is indeed sad that your husband never understands what it feels like to be deserted by him for another woman.
You can reprimand him and tell him that you will never tolerate such behavior from him in the future. You can freeze him with your anger for some time till your hurt and antagonism fades. You should not yell at him, but you can maintain a dignified silence which will speak volumes of your justified fury.
Turn him away if you have hatred in your mind.
But you should not let your anger go very deep, as your anger might turn into hatred. When there is hatred there is no hope for the relationship with your husband bloom again with the same understanding and love. You should not accept your husband back if you have burning hatred in your mind as you will not forgive him and your life with him will be without love and filled with only bitterness and resentment.
Can you still take him back?
But if you feel only regret, it is only matter of time before your anger gradually takes a back seat to let your love take the driver seat.
© 2013 mathira