- Gender and Relationships
Caught Wearing Women's Lingerie
Your stash has been found!
The Scene: You're home alone, in your bedroom, sneaking into your secret stash of women's lingerie. Panties and bras litter the bed, and panty hose is draped from the door handle. You're clad in your favorite pink satin panties, have a matching soft lace bra adorning your chest, and are busy fastening your new stockings to your garter when you hear a gasp of surprise and look up to see your wife or girlfriend standing there....You've been caught wearing women's lingerie.
What happens next? What do you do?
This scenario is all too common for men who wear lingerie, even those who do their best to hide it. In fact only men who try to hide their lingerie wearing are ever caught, because men who don't hide it are never really 'caught' per se.
For some men, the prospect of telling a girlfriend or wife that they like to wear lingerie is too much. There is the fear of rejection, the real possibility of divorce, and even the specter of social ridicule and if their 'secret' gets out.
Unfortunately the truth has a way of coming out, and more often than not, men who wear lingerie often get caught, perhaps because they secretly want to be caught. After all, the burden of hiding such an intimate part of yourself from the one you love can be a very heavy one.
Once you've been caught however, what you do next can make all the difference in how things play out in your relationship.
There are really two levels of being caught wearing womens lingerie. One is being caught by a girlfriend in a relatively new relationship, and the other is being caught by a wife or a long term girlfriend. Things are much easier to handle if the relationship is new, because the expectation of full disclosure is not yet present. The early stages of a relationship are all about discovery and gradual exposure, so discovering that a man likes to wear women's lingerie is less shocking for a woman who has not been in a relationship long than for a woman who truly believes that the man concerned is her soul mate, her life partner, and the one person on earth she knows fully and completely.
The first tip I would give a man in either situation is not to react in a scared, ashamed, or worried fashion. The lady has had a surprise, this is true, but her reaction will be tempered a great deal by yours. If you squeal like a girl and start stammering excuses and apologies, you are sending the message that you have been caught doing something wrong. Like the great Douglas Adams wrote: DON'T PANIC.
Instead of panicking and behaving as if you've been caught with a room full of dead bodies, smile warmly and invite her in. Explain what you're doing, if she asks, and answer any questions she might have. Women are very good at detecting lies, better than you might think, and she will know its not true if you try to tell her that you just started wearing women's lingerie today, or that you're doing it as a dare.
Lying can hurt much more than it helps for a couple of reasons. One, she probably won't believe you, and your lies will only convince her that you are untrustworthy and two, it destroys your chance of actually being able to include your lingerie wearing, or at least the knowledge that you occasionally wear lingerie in your relationship. If you claim that it is a one off event, and she catches you again, or finds evidence in the form of a pair of large panties left forgotten on the closet floor, or in the laundry basket, then all trust will be shattered.
Believe it or not, the bigger deal when caught wearing lingerie isn't so much the female attire as it is the lies that have accompanied it.
Now realistically speaking, not every woman is going to react with joy, or even acceptance if and when they find their partner dressed up in panties and/or a bra. Some may be repulsed, and some may be so shocked that they simply can't handle it. These reactions are beyond your control, and to attempt to control them is folly. Being caught brings with it an element of undeniable risk. Sometimes things may turn out well, and you can increase your chances of them turning out well by behaving in a calm, welcoming and honest fashion, but sometimes things are going to go badly no matter what happens. Some women simply cannot comprehend, fathom, or accept the idea of a man wearing lingerie, but as a man who wears lingerie, is that really a woman you want to spend your life with?
The issue of being caught wearing lingerie runs much deeper than a moment of naughtiness. It goes to trust, honesty, and to personal freedom. Will you settle for someone who fulfills you in many respects but who makes you feel bad about an important aspect of your sexuality? Or will you find someone who honors you as a person who has needs and desires which deserve to be indulged just as much as their own? And will you honor and respect your partner enough to share this aspect of yourself with her? Or will you disrespect her and shut her out of an intimate part of yourself?