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Caught Wearing Women's Lingerie

Updated on November 15, 2010

Your stash has been found!

The Scene: You're home alone, in your bedroom, sneaking into your secret stash of women's lingerie. Panties and bras litter the bed, and panty hose is draped from the door handle. You're clad in your favorite pink satin panties, have a matching soft lace bra adorning your chest, and are busy fastening your new stockings to your garter when you hear a gasp of surprise and look up to see your wife or girlfriend standing there....You've been caught wearing women's lingerie.

What happens next? What do you do?

This scenario is all too common for men who wear lingerie, even those who do their best to hide it. In fact only men who try to hide their lingerie wearing are ever caught, because men who don't hide it are never really 'caught' per se.

For some men, the prospect of telling a girlfriend or wife that they like to wear lingerie is too much. There is the fear of rejection, the real possibility of divorce, and even the specter of social ridicule and if their 'secret' gets out.

Unfortunately the truth has a way of coming out, and more often than not, men who wear lingerie often get caught, perhaps because they secretly want to be caught. After all, the burden of hiding such an intimate part of yourself from the one you love can be a very heavy one.

Once you've been caught however, what you do next can make all the difference in how things play out in your relationship.

There are really two levels of being caught wearing womens lingerie. One is being caught by a girlfriend in a relatively new relationship, and the other is being caught by a wife or a long term girlfriend. Things are much easier to handle if the relationship is new, because the expectation of full disclosure is not yet present. The early stages of a relationship are all about discovery and gradual exposure, so discovering that a man likes to wear women's lingerie is less shocking for a woman who has not been in a relationship long than for a woman who truly believes that the man concerned is her soul mate, her life partner, and the one person on earth she knows fully and completely.

The first tip I would give a man in either situation is not to react in a scared, ashamed, or worried fashion. The lady has had a surprise, this is true, but her reaction will be tempered a great deal by yours. If you squeal like a girl and start stammering excuses and apologies, you are sending the message that you have been caught doing something wrong. Like the great Douglas Adams wrote: DON'T PANIC.

Instead of panicking and behaving as if you've been caught with a room full of dead bodies, smile warmly and invite her in. Explain what you're doing, if she asks, and answer any questions she might have. Women are very good at detecting lies, better than you might think, and she will know its not true if you try to tell her that you just started wearing women's lingerie today, or that you're doing it as a dare.

Lying can hurt much more than it helps for a couple of reasons. One, she probably won't believe you, and your lies will only convince her that you are untrustworthy and two, it destroys your chance of actually being able to include your lingerie wearing, or at least the knowledge that you occasionally wear lingerie in your relationship. If you claim that it is a one off event, and she catches you again, or finds evidence in the form of a pair of large panties left forgotten on the closet floor, or in the laundry basket, then all trust will be shattered.

Believe it or not, the bigger deal when caught wearing lingerie isn't so much the female attire as it is the lies that have accompanied it.

Now realistically speaking, not every woman is going to react with joy, or even acceptance if and when they find their partner dressed up in panties and/or a bra. Some may be repulsed, and some may be so shocked that they simply can't handle it. These reactions are beyond your control, and to attempt to control them is folly. Being caught brings with it an element of undeniable risk. Sometimes things may turn out well, and you can increase your chances of them turning out well by behaving in a calm, welcoming and honest fashion, but sometimes things are going to go badly no matter what happens. Some women simply cannot comprehend, fathom, or accept the idea of a man wearing lingerie, but as a man who wears lingerie, is that really a woman you want to spend your life with?

The issue of being caught wearing lingerie runs much deeper than a moment of naughtiness. It goes to trust, honesty, and to personal freedom. Will you settle for someone who fulfills you in many respects but who makes you feel bad about an important aspect of your sexuality? Or will you find someone who honors you as a person who has needs and desires which deserve to be indulged just as much as their own? And will you honor and respect your partner enough to share this aspect of yourself with her? Or will you disrespect her and shut her out of an intimate part of yourself?


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      brasspanties 8 years ago

      I prefer to keep my "dressing" a secret because I assume my partner won't be very accepting. If caught and my partner is accepting, I would be more than happy to share with only them. If not, I will explain that this is a private thing for me and will try to keep it out of sight.

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      Betty 8 years ago

      With my first wife, I had asked her if I could wear some female clothing. I tried talking her into a bra or a bodysuit. She would not talk about it and our relationship ended. After the divorce, I decided to never hide the fact again and was open with every woman from the first date that I enjoyed wearing all womens clothing. My second wife started off the relationship very excited about it and called me her life sized Barbie doll. After many years together, we only hide the fact from our kids. However, she is very supportive and encouraging about it. She understands my feminine side since she has a masculine side. I fully believe that you have to be true to yourself as well as your partner. Once you both are, the relationship can only get stronger and better.

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      iwhcpanties 8 years ago

      Hey Ms Hope, wonderful advice again. I would at times hope to get caught wearing lingerie by my wife but I didn’t, but after telling her about it and finding that she was not ok with it that could have been a really bad thing. But at least she now knows and we can move on from here.

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      silklover 8 years ago

      It is nice to be able to talk to someone that is very open and level headed. One night I asked my wife if I could purchase womens panties since you can"t find reasonable price mens silk panties. To my surprise she loved the idea. First she said no printed or laced panties. Now she loves to see me in panties and turns her on. We even got to where we purchase matching panties and like this morning we swapped panties that we was wearing. I won't wear bras but i will wear a nice nightie and nylons to go with my panties. It is important to be able to communicate with your wife or girlfriend. Me and my wife is able to communicate and listen to each other. with that in mind it helps telling your better half what you enjoy and what she enjoys. If you cant talk and got to hide what your desires are you have problems discussing other issure also.

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      ShaneD 9 years ago

      "DON'T PANIC" -- Very awesome reference, this made my day. And also very true. Reacting almost exactly as described in this article saved a relationship I had back in college (which ended anyway for a different matter entirely, but that is not the point) when I was caught wearing lingerie by my girlfriend of a few weeks. At the time, we had been intimate only once, and I had planned to tell her soon anyway. I had left my door unlocked, not really thinking anyone would come in without knocking. She was very shocked and even slightly negative at first -- she actually left the room in quite a hurry. At that point, I took off the lingerie and dressed "normally" (all male attire). I caught up with her, and using a calm approach and being honest & open about it, she really didn't seem to mind to much, and even started to like it after a while, although it was never a full blown "Let's go dress you up," type thing. Very well written article, as are all of your articles. I'll keep an eye on your hubs in the future. Thank you for being so kind-hearted and open-minded, I very much so wish society as a whole had your outlook on this topic. Thank you!

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      supersteve 9 years ago from london

      i would love to get caught wearing lingerie by my wife any advice

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      david c 9 years ago

      Wife found my garter belt about 18 months ago and now it is the lingerie clad 800 lb gorilla in the bedroom that we never discuss. But I am not sure if I want her to be part of it, I find the sensualness of the the whole thing to be very personal. Is that being too disrespectful to her?

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      Luccy 9 years ago

      Dear Alexander,

      I have ever experienced such a thing. It happened when my partner in my office wanted to make a report together in my appartment. She came into my room without knocking at my door. At that time, I was only in brassiers and panties. As she called me, I was taken a back. She said, "Wow, you like wearing girl's items too, after all. Don't worry, I like it very much." I could not express my feelings at the time. I said to her, "Sorry, I must change my clothes or at least I wear my T Shirt and blue jeans before we are working." Then, she said, "I think, it's not necessary for you to do so. I like it, really really like it. Just wear them while we are working."

      After our works finished, we had a conversation. She said, "I'm a woman but sorry I don't like woman's underwear but I have them and never wear them. If you want, just take all my underwear. I like wearing men's underwear."

      Since then, she want me to be a couple. She always treats me as a woman. She wants me to wear women's clothes every day. I like this condition. To my deepest heart, I like woman who can act and behave as a man. I love her, I accept her as my boyfriend. I love you, Sarah.

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      lingerielover 9 years ago

      I was together with my gf for 2 or 3 months when just by chance she discovered a pair of stay ups in my sports bag. When I admitted they were mine and that I loved to wear tights and stockings, it was not an easy time. It took her some time to accept that a straight man enjoys it to wear stockings etc.

      We spent some time talking about it. The critical issue was after all that she missed openness and trust. But then she no longer rejected it. Now, almost 20 years later we are still happily married. My recommendation is: be open about your stocking or lingerie fetish right from the beginning. Maybe not at the first date. But not too long after that. A relationship is based on mutual trust. Can you imagine how your partner may feel if she suddenly finds out after a long time that you wear lingerie? That may cause serious problems in a relationship. You can avoid that.

    • Hope Alexander profile image

      Hope Alexander 9 years ago

      Yeah, that would do it. Guys, an extra caveat here.. as much as you might love your lingerie or make up or heels or whatever, don't be tools about it and flaunt it innapropriately or where it could cause embarassment for your partner. Respect for your partner is imperative for a healthy relationship.

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      Joanna McKenna 9 years ago from Central Oklahoma

      It wasn't wearing my lingerie that ended a relationship, or even buying him the lingerie he'd choose on shopping trips. It was showing up at the home of friends wearing my blue eye shadow that did it!

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      Carla 9 years ago

      Bravo, well put. We enjoy lingerie in all of it it's glory. So much fun. Our both collections are immense. Having special dress up party together tonight. Swish swish