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Cheater Cheater – Why Do I Stay With You?

Updated on July 25, 2012

There are many reasons why someone would stay with a cheater and while many people claim that they would leave their partner as soon as they find out they have cheated – that’s not always the case.

The amount of excuses and reasons for staying with a cheater are many, and it depends on how much the person has been hurt, how they feel about their partner, and how much they have invested into the relationship.

Here are 6 common reasons that people stay with a cheater.

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Staying out of Responsibility

Many people will stay in a relationship for the responsibilities that they already have in it. This includes kids and material things such as the house and summer chalet that they are paying off.

They feel that they have to stay to keep their kids happy and in the dark to marital problems.

They feel that the house is still theirs and the commitment to having it truly be theirs will only come when they pay it off.

Responsibility to our lives and family is what keeps us going to our job and doing the best we can in life. Without it we would do whatever we wanted – like leave our cheating spouse!

Staying out of Guilt

Cheaters are brilliant talkers. They have spent a lot of their time lying and they are very good at it. They are also good at making you feel bad about the situation when you have done nothing wrong. They will tell you that it’s your fault they cheated because you don’t give them enough attention, love, or whatever else they desire.

Even though they are the ones that did the physical act of cheating you are left wondering if what they did was validated and you are really the one who did wrong. Many people stay and try to improve upon themselves when they feel like this.

Staying out of Love

Sometimes a betrayal is not enough to change the way someone views a person. The love for that person may be so deep and strong that they are willing to look past any problems and just keep trying to get their partner to love them as much as they love their partner. Of course most cheaters love this kind of person because they can do what they want and it only propels their partner to try harder to get them to love him or her.

Staying out of Fear

Ah fear! It holds us back from so many things! When we are fearful of life outside the relationship we may not allow ourselves to leave our cheating partner. The world seems scary and big and we already have a comfortable life where we know what is happening at every turn. Fear can keep a person in a bad relationship and allow a person to be walked on over and over again.

Staying out of Low Self-Esteem

When you’ve been beaten down by your partner you can start to wonder if you are worth any better. If you let that feeling take over than you will allow yourself to be abused and walked on over and over again. Leaving the relationship isn’t an option because you don’t feel you deserve any better so why go through the hassle.

Staying Because of Promises

They promise that they will never cheat again, and they seem so sincere. The truth is they probably are being sincere because they were caught and they feel bad, but if you don’t fix the issues in the relationship then you will probably be in this situation again as soon as they realize that everything is okay and they are out of the deep water.

So should you stay with a cheater? It depends on whether you are going to tell yourself one of the above things, or whether you want to fix the relationship issues that you have, or whether you want to find someone else who treats you well.

In the end only you know which one that is.

Some People's Opinions on Whether To Stay Or Go After Cheating...

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    • Relationshipc profile image

      Kari 5 years ago from Alberta, Canada

      Wow biz. That's not fair at all. Thanks for adding so much to this article.

    • bizymomof3 profile image

      Joann Marotta Nellis 5 years ago from New York City

      I have friends who stay simply because the court system will not give them a fair settlement. The house, the kids etc. If tossed out many spouses hide their money, live with the misstress and the wife gets nothing. The court will do nothing to help her. Therefore she and her kids lose out. She gets to watch him live the high life and there is nothing she can do about it. I am seeing this with four of my friends right at this moment. One has been battling the court system for years because she left the abusive husband. He always wins in court, she is paying ALL the bills and they still rule in his favor. I have another whose husband cheated for years and for the sake of hanging on to her home and the business they shared, she hung in there. He is now with his rich woman who has funded his war against his wife and grown kids. Luckily she was able to secure a job and a new life, but it has been a long road for her. And he still holds all the cards in court. Another friend says nothing because she does not want a problem with her kids, but he takes the kids out with the girlfriend in tow. Two of my friends are still with the cheaters because they cannot afford to live in this economy on their own. It is not cut and dry. Maybe the ones who knowingly get into the relationship with the married person should be held accountable by the law and perhaps then the cheater would have no one to cheat with. Hmmm Its despicable that woman go against one another for a man and break up families. Get your own man, stay away from ones who are married. THEY have a problem, THEY need psychological help-the cheaters, its something inside of them that is missing.

    • profile image

      cassandra 5 years ago

      I liked this hub I am 23 mother of three I have been with their dad for six yrs he has cheated on me at least six times I know of we separated in January I was talking to other men but only cause I was hurt I still want to b with him he is with someone else but says he wants to work on things idk if I'm crazy or what lol I love him so much n don't know y but I am willing to live with him cheating because I know he's nvr gonna stop

    • Relationshipc profile image

      Kari 6 years ago from Alberta, Canada

      Tina: Yes fear can keep a person in a crappy relationship. My friend was a mother of three and had been out of the job circle for years upon years. She was lucky that she had guts to leave the situation and treat herself better than that. She was scared, but she did it!

      Terry: It's so sad when we can't help our friends out. I feel for you. Hopefully she will wake up one day and realize she got pissed at the wrong person!

    • nterry34 profile image

      nterry34 6 years ago from Nashville, TN

      I had a friend who was being abused and still remained in the relationship. After I begged her to leave and told her she deserved better, she got pissed and needless to say we are no longer friends. I wish she could have read your hub. Maybe she would have learned something about herself that would have helped her get out.

    • TINA V profile image

      TINA V 6 years ago

      This is a good analysis of reasons that some people may stick with a cheater or even with an abuser, both physically and emotionally. Perhaps, another factor is their feeling of dependency to their partner. Normally, it happens to somebody who has been out-of-work for a long time. They become too dependent on their spouses or partner that causes the feeling of fear in the outside world. Whoever is in that situation, I hope they will be able to get back on their feet again. This is a well written hub; so, I’m sure our readers will learn a lot from this article. Enjoy your week!