- Gender and Relationships
Cheating - Why is it so Rife?
Cheating- Why is it so Rife?
By Tony DeLorger © 2011
Cheating on your partner has become a trend in society, so common that we have come to expect it as being the major cause of partnership breakdown. But why have we become so complacent when it comes to monogamy, don’t marriage vows or loyalty account for anything? I think that now we see marriage or long-term partnerships as a commodity, something that can be traded away and replaced.
It is a sad state of affairs that one moment we are pledging eternal love and the next sweeping the partnership away like a discarded wrapper. Marriage is a concept of religion, however even without that people in long-term relationships continue to search for something better. So why are we so unfulfilled? The answer doesn’t rest with the partner, because we keep abandoning them, over and over. The answer must reside within us.
In this high-pressured society, we must perform, make money, have the best car, house, and send the kids to the best schools and more. We work long hours; have little leisure time and ultimately when we get home we want to chill and experience no more pressure for the day. Usually your wife or partner has been doing exactly what you have, except she’s picked up the kids from day-care, come home to all the housework: washing, cleaning, preparing dinner with not a second of relaxation.
Of course this scenario doesn’t represent all marriages or relationships; it’s never been mine. But many men have this mindset that they deserve their downtime regardless of how that affects their partner. Selfish... definitely, destructive... certainly, so what could happen next? When amorous advances are denied, through exhaustion, men take it personally, very personally. You see sex for men is the greatest unwinding mechanism and as many see it, their right. Oh dear! So you have exhausted women who want to be consoled, cuddled and supported, and men who want to get their rocks off and rid themselves of stress and then go to sleep. Is it any wonder that relationships don’t last?
Consistent rejection can be the end for some men. They have no understanding of what their partner goes through and their viewpoint is self-centred and narrow-minded. But these kinds of men then search outside the relationship to fulfil their needs. The result is as you would expect; they eventually get caught out and they leave, the marriage or relationship in tatters.
The scenario is so common, but what’s worse is the newer trend for women to leave relationships and their children. Woman have become so overwhelmed by their families needs and problems, they seek the refuge of earlier times, when they were free of responsibility. One could call it a mid-life crisis, but the circumstance has become almost as common as men’s infidelity.
For me, relationships are about sharing and that means everything. There is strength in numbers and provided we support each other and consider each others needs, either of these scenarios will not result. Commitment is important to me and loyalty and trust the backbone of any relationship.
The following poem refers to the abandonment of a woman.
By Tony DeLorger © 2011
She stood before the mirror, struggling with herself,
Lost in the thought that no man would be interested.
Abandoned, rejected and without the rejuvenation of youth,
She saw only the lines of weathered life, and the pain of loneliness.
Meticulously she applied her makeup, there were standards,
And at least she retained her composure, her dignity.
But healing was so far away, and a bruised soul was no easy fix.
The sadness in her faded eyes, seemed to drag her down,
Remind her of what he did.
Then she teared up, unable to stave off the welling emotion.
Her frail hand shook ever so gently as she masterfully added lipstick,
Rubbed her lips together and looked down pensively.
The hurt just seemed to rise like waves within her, over and over.
But there was a house to maintain and kids to care for,
So she straightened up and pursed her lips determinedly,
Making a silent pact, resolving to survive.
The world seemed dark and inhospitable now,
But one day it would look different, she would be different,