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Cheating in Relationships: Why it hurts men more

Updated on January 10, 2015

I remember my first love, but I swear I do not miss her. I can remember her smile, our first kiss and how awkward it turned out to be, the day we met and so on. I cannot forget how she left. I caught her red handed with another lad. She couldn’t accept and tried arguing that I never trust her and always think she is cheating on me. Well, as a man, I said we needed space.

Last month, my boy experienced such a scenario. His was worse, he caught both the missus and the mistress cheating on him. As a man, I let him have a double of whiskey on me, we went and shot pool together and finally patted his back and said all will be well. I did not hug him. A friend of mine, a girl, was telling me how she once cheated on her man with their neighbor. Six years later, today, the man has never forgotten and keeps reminding her of the day he caught her. The man has never trusted her and she guesses that most probably the man has a mistress. Though she tells me she is changed, the man has never gotten over the cheating.

When we men cheat on our women, which we most often do, we do not mean to hurt and it does not mean our love to you has melted down to that. We love you, which is why we married you and not the mistress. But a man is a man, he will meet a temptress in a club. He will see a girl who crosses her legs and every man mistakenly drinks from his friend’s glass. He will see this lady in a club who sips her drink so romantically that he wishes to buy her a double of whiskey. She sips the drink without leaving lipstick on the glass. The way she stretches after a few glasses is the killer and men are weak. We will cheat but we promise it ends when we say goodbye after dropping her to her gate (unless we meet her in the same club again).

What hurts a lady when cheated on is the love she has for the guy. When married, it becomes hard for a lady to leave (I know single ladies are shouting “WHAT??!!”). Yes, it becomes hard to leave. If the man apologizes, vows not to repeat and comes home before 9 at night for a few weeks, its done. The woman regains her love. Well, the man will not have it as easy after repeated cheating but a trip to Paris will heal the wound, maybe. Women will not find it a big deal saying he cheated on me. They will even share their feelings on love columns in love magazines and seek help. The most probable answer is leave and do not look back. C’mon guys, this lady has two children with this guy and the guy still loves her.

You do not hurt the heart of a man when you cheat on him (unless he is a soap star). It gets to his head. It is his ego that you hurt. It is like you have stripped you man naked in front of beautiful girls (his lady boss included) on the day he is wearing dirty pants. It is his esteem that you wound, you have stained his esteem and he feels worthless. It is like you went on TV and said that you man does not perform in met (do not try this even in the presence of his best friend). It is like you have boiled all the night you have slept with your man to nothing. Sincerely speaking, it is like when you are swimming and someone uses you white towel to wipe their legs after stepping on mud or worse still shit from a mongrel and then leaves it for you to use. Just compare the feeling and leave the shit story.

No doubles of whiskey can make a man forget this. No pastor can talk him into ever trusting you again. Not even after he cheats on you a million times. Not even after friends pat his back saying its okay or go shoot pool together. His ego is broken.

You can win his trust back by showing him you are changed, show him there is more to your relationship. Making no mistake of chitchatting with your neighbor and laughing for more than 10 minutes. Make his best meal and let him feel the love. Do not speak to him about the ordeal ever. But, he will never forget what you did. Whenever you wrong him, he will remind you of the time you cheated on him.

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