- Gender and Relationships»
- Non-Monogamous Relationships
Cheating - is this natural and ok?
Male infidelity or cheating might be disappointing but should be expected and not a deal breaker for many women including Michelle McGee (Jesse James girl friend/ ex-Amish dancer) and "Window Seat" singer Erykah Badu!
From Hollywood to big business to politicians, to regular working folks the same stories emerge year after year about men being bad. The only thing new now is that instead of looking the other way, some women are now blatantly excusing men who cheat, claiming they have a need to "chase"....
"No! Infidelity is not a deal-breaker for me. We’re all born sexual beings," Badu says after admitting that she's had a boyfriend constantly since the age of five. "I myself am not someone with a very high libido. I don’t require sex for happiness – I need companionship. I need a partner I can depend on, that I can love and grow with. But I do understand the nature of these men I’ve been with, and men in general. They have a need to chase. I’m having to recondition my brain, ’cos the first thing I got was a doll named Barbie and she had Ken and that’s how it was supposed to be. You’re conditioned to think that way, and when it doesn’t happen you feel you’re a failure. What we have in common, me and the brothers I’ve known, is that we are all trying to evolve," she says. "We talk a lot about things that men want. Because I want them to be happy and the more I see how the male of the species behaves, the more I understand, and the less I blame him."
Some consider that further “proof” can be gleaned from Michelle McGee's infamous quote in Steppin' Out magazine: “I think men are made to spread their seed. Women need to accept that. If you're going to be married to somebody, you need to know that men are not meant to be with one woman. I think you can totally love your spouse and still sleep with other women. That urge will always be there, if you're a man. I believe you can love your wife 100 percent and still stray.”
Various psycho analyst studies referring to the central, primitive part of the human brain apparently support this theory as well. You know the story. How women are mentally programmed to “nest” and raise and protect children which requires a hunter/ protector type always around (ie: the man). This makes her man leaving or potentially leaving by flirting or being involved with others a survival threat. Men are mentally programmed to “hunt and spawn” to increase the chance of human species survival by mating with many women and in theory improving the genetic quality of the race since the superior kids are most likely to survive and promulgate. Well I'm sure Tiger Wood's will be happy to hear this...
Now there are studies that since modern women enjoy greater empowerment in the workplace and in other ways than ever before in history that some are playing the similar roles as men.
Engagements ring used to be the symbol of ultimate security for single girls. However, a dangerous ilk of women is on the rise — those who don't consider a wedding band a deterrent, while searching for Mr. Right. They crave the excitement of a passionate romance, but one with an added challenge on top. In other words: They want your boyfriend or husband and aren't the least bit afraid to go after him.
In a recent study, researchers divided bachelorettes into two groups and showed them photographs of a hot guy — telling one group he was single and the other he was in a relationship; then, they asked the women how likely they were to pursue him. Only when the woman believed he was committed to someone else did interest in the male subject skyrocket. So what gives? It's not like mate poaching is a new concept. The idea of seeking several partners is classic Darwinian thinking. However, some experts say the more sexual equality females gain in society, the more this will continue to grow.
There's even a chemical explanation for why many women pursue guys in relationships. “Any block to romantic love drives up dopamine — a brain chemical associated with love and reward,” says Fisher. “That brain rush can feel addictive.”
“Men in relationships have already proven their willingness to commit, which is a major draw to these women,” says Ian Kerner, Ph.D., sex and relationship therapist. “The possibility of landing him may make her feel special and maybe even superior.” But this high usually doesn't last for long”. That's because these men are often happy to have sex on the side, but are rarely willing to leave their wives or girlfriends. In the end, both women loose. The problem is, by expending all their energy on men in relationships, female mate poachers are overlooking potential single guys that could be compatible long-term mates.
But does this mean that it is OK for all men to cheat because it is natural and even for some working women to try to steal away husbands because their job makes them think partially like men? Or is all of this just “BS” and attempted justification for weakness or selfishness?