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- Separation & Divorce
Children: When should they choose the custody agreement?
Who does it affect?
Divorce affects the family in more ways than thought. The grandparents will see their grandchildren less. Parents will see their children less and the children will see their parents and grandparents less.
Family is one of the biggest support groups that a person can have. We are always around family, whether it be siblings, parents, aunts and uncles, someone is going to be around us.
These days, it is easier to stay in contact and see family with the technology that we have. Kids can Facetime their other parent when they need to talk or need to see them. Being able to communicate is just buttons away.
Who should choose?
Who should choose the custody? THE CHILDREN!
In Canada, well at least in Ontario, the age to choose oneself's custody is 12 years old. By that time, the kid is in 7th grade. Sometimes the parents divorce when the kids are at such a young age so they cannot choose for sometimes 8 years what they want.
A child should be able to choose at the age of 5 what they want. A child at that age is learning logical thoughts and has started going to school. They obviously prefer one parent more than the other but how should they be able to choose and learn from their mistakes if people are making the mistakes for them.
Parents can go to court over something that the child could've simply given their opinion on.
It doesn't mean that parents need to go with the kid's opinion but they can take it in consideration.
Do you believe children starting of 5 should get their voice in the custody battle?
Children are going through a hard time and as much as they focus on how they can be, they need to also know how their children are.
No need to ask every day how a child is, you will get on their nerves and will never tell you 100% a real answer.
If you think they need the extra support, try to see if their school might offer a program or if they can see someone about it.
But also remember, a child is curious so they will ask how you are doing and don't be afraid to tell them some truth because then they will know you are an even better hero than what they thought.
Letting them know: they aren't alone
Divorce is becoming a more talked about subject. Celebrities have lived it, either with their parents or by them divorcing, neighbours have lived it and chances are, it isn't the first divorce in the family.
Make sure you know, and that your child knows, they aren't the only one. Now the danger in all that, the kids can talk to their friends about when they are with each parent and that may cause arguments between you and your child.
Sit them down, hear them out and maybe you can see where they come from. Kids sometimes just mention it, not to be like everyone else, because they simply liked the idea and maybe wanted to try it also.
Of course I can't tell you what to do. I am not in your marriage. I am not even married yet but I am a child of divorce.
I only got my voice at the age of 12 and at that moment, I spoke for myself and my younger brother. I was 6 and he was 4 when my parents had split. I never liked the idea of only seeing my dad every 2nd weekend and every tuesday night. I felt, even at that age, that I couldn't be as close to my dad as I may have wanted to be. I always felt like he was missing out on my life. He never went to school meetings and such because he was never the principal caregiver. I also could only see my grandmother on christmas and for 1 week during the summer because that was all that I had. I had to go when it was my dad's time.
If I would've even been asked what my simple opinion was, maybe it wouldn't have been clear but I knew what I wanted.
About 50% of marriage end in divorce but they don't say how many of those have children involved.
It is not up to the state to choose how custody will be. It is between the parents and the children.
What if marriage didn't exist? Would there be so many separations involving children?
Successful Co-Parenting A Child's View
Sesame Street: Little Children, Big Challenges - Divorce
© 2014 Ashley Cathcart-McKinnon