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Choosing The Right Marriage Partner

Updated on May 3, 2013

We all want a happy and lasting marriage. We want to succeed in life, and a happy marriage is no doubt a big reason for us to attain certain levels of success. On the other hand, a bumpy relationship can hamper the progression of a person, and may even ruin his entire life. While it is true that there are others who are able to manage a bumpy relationship and eventually achieve some degree of success, somehow such a relationship has drained his energy and has wasted his time. Such person could have done more in life had he had a happy relationship.

The Right Partner

The right partner is the one with whom you have a high degree of interpersonal and sexual compatibility. The right partner is not always the one you love the most or the one who loves you the most at the start. Relationship experts agree that love is never an enough ingredient to guarantee a happy relationship. For a happy and lasting relationship, there has to be a high degree of interpersonal compatibility and sexual compatibility between partners.

A Love That’s So Right Can Turn out to Be So Wrong

There are relationships that started out so right because the partners love each other so much, but eventually turned out so wrong because they are just not compatible. Indifference can develop if you are not compatible with your partner, no matter how much you love the person.

I Love You More Today than Yesterday, But Not As Much As Tomorrow (Pat Upton)

There are others that started out just right and keep getting better as time goes by because the partners find fulfilment in each other. Love can develop and nourish if the partners are comfortable and fulfilled in each other.

Interpersonal Compatibility

Interpersonal compatibility refers to the ease and comfort of communication between partners over a long period of time. It is not clear whether interpersonal compatibility is determined by matching personalities or complementary personalities. There are dominant persons who can get along well with another dominant person, and find submissive persons too weak. There are dominant persons who love to have submissive partners, in like manner that there are submissive partners who love to take shelter under the shadow of their dominant partners.

Partners with a high degree of interpersonal compatibility are more likely to settle differences easily, solve problems together, and find support from each other.

Sexual Compatibility

Sexual compatibility refers to the partners’ similarity of preferences on sex and the degree of satisfaction with sex. Preferences on sex refers to the frequency (how often do they want to have sex), and the manner (how do they want to do it).

Signs of Sexual Incompatibility

Partners are sexually incompatible if one partner wants to have sex every so often, while the other wants it once in a while; they are sexually incompatible if the male partner reaches orgasm too soon, while the female partner never reaches orgasm at all; they are sexually incompatible if one partner does too much too soon, while the other wants it nice and slow; and so on... and so on...

Sexual Incompatibility and Divorce

Sexual incompatibility is the primary cause of divorce. According to Spencer W. Kimball, president of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints: “Divorces often occur over sex, money, and child discipline. If you study the divorces, as we have had to do in these past years, you will find there are one, two, three, four reasons. Generally sex is the first. They did not get along sexually. They may not say that in the court. They may not even tell that to their attorneys, but that is the reason.”

Infidelity – A By-product of Sexual Incompatibility

Some say that extra-marital sex or infidelity or cheating is the primary cause of marriage break-ups. While this may be true, I also believe that infidelity is, in most cases, a by-product of sexual incompatibility. By nature people don’t want to get into trouble, and if we are satisfied with our partner, why would we seek satisfaction elsewhere? On the other hand, if a person cannot find satisfaction with his/her partner, that person is very likely to find or to be tempted to find satisfaction elsewhere, depending on his beliefs.

Tolerance May Help But...

Incompatible partners may succeed in making a relationship work by developing mutual tolerance and accept each other as they are, but there is so much pain and sacrifice in trying to save a bumpy relationship. No matter how much you love a person, there might come a time when your tolerance reaches a breaking point, and you start to really feel the indifference and maybe the pain.

Adjustment May Help But...

You might say that if you love your partner you are willing to learn to improve your interpersonal and sexual skills to enhance your compatibility, hence, make your marriage successful. Yes, interpersonal and sexual compatibility can be improved by developing your interpersonal and sexual skills. But like any other discipline, there is a limit to how much you can learn. If this were not so, boxers training in the same gym, using the same training equipments, and guided by the same coach would all have been champions. But this is not the case, because we have different learning curves and have the tendency to revert to our natural self.

Doing It Right the First Time

Why not do it right the first time by choosing a partner that matches your personality and sexual preferences before getting married, and save yourself from the hassles of trying to tolerate and adjust?

Determining Your Interpersonal Compatibility

To determine whether or not you have a high degree of interpersonal compatibility with your partner, you have to go on dating for a longer period of time. For how long? I think you’ve dated enough with your partner when you’ve been through different situations in your relationship, especially during tough times, and yet remain completely at ease and comfortable with each other.

Please note that this is different from a relationship that lasts for a time because one or both partners are trying to save the relationship because they love each other so much. In this case, either one or both partners are not comfortable. They may look ok on the outside, but deep within someone is suffering. This is not a happy relationship.

Determining Your Sexual Compatibility

To determine your sexual compatibility with your partner you have to have sex with your partner a number of times. In some cultures this is not acceptable and is morally incorrect. If you happen to belong in a culture that finds sex-before-marriage unacceptable, there's a non-destructive way of having a hint whether or not you and your prospective partner are sexually compatible. Just read on.

Searching For the Right Partner Can Be Difficult and a Waste of Time

What if after long dating you eventually found out that you’re just not compatible with your partner? You, then, have to break the relationship and look for someone else, and repeat the same cycle until you find someone you are compatible with. Considering the big number of prospective partners you have to choose from, this can be time consuming, waste of resources, and a source of so much heartaches. And besides, breaking up is not always easy to do.

Narrowing Down Your Search

I am not a keen believer of Astrology, but I find zodiac compatibility chart (or astrological compatibility chart) useful in knowing in advance whether or not a person is compatible with me. Based on my experience, I can get along well in the long run with persons whose zodiac signs match with mine.

A zodiac compatibility chart shows the persons you are compatible with. For example, Aries people are compatible with those whose zodiac signs are Gemini, Leo, Sagittarius, and Aquarius. They are not compatible with Taurus, Cancer, Virgo, and Capricorn. Just search through the internet for a zodiac compatibility chart. Look for the ones that show the interpersonal and sexual compatibility.

Using the chart you can narrow down your search and increase your chances of success for you will only be pursuing those who are very likely to be compatible with you. You will save time, resources, and heartaches.

Or you may experiment dating with someone whose zodiac sign is not compatible with yours and see how it goes.

Good luck to your search! Just remember that families can be happily together forever if you have the right partner.

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