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Marriage In A Christian Relationship

Updated on August 7, 2016

Having a Religion can be good and it can have it's negative effects in many aspects. Religion allows you to create a personal relationship with your God. It allows you to practice faith in all that you do, it fosters, love, trust, honesty and commitment. All the qualities which any decent religious person should have. But the downside of being religious is that many times you have to trust blindly, hope blindly and move forward blindly. Marriage in Christianity is one of those gambles that nearly all Christians make and hope that the Lord will bless the union and it will last forever. Many christian marriages have failed due ti this misconception of how marriage in Christianity should be. The thing is, Christians have it much more difficult than non-Christians when it comes on to dating and relationships. They are prohibited from indulging in certain questionable lifestyle, and many churches believe in the equal yoke theory. So what is the equal yolk theory you ask? Well, it is widely discouraged by the church for members of a certain deity to involve with members of a different deity. Or if a Sunday worshiper desires to be in a relationship with a Saturday church worshiper, or a christian being in a relationship with a non-Christan. If any of these scenarios is present between any two persons, it is considered to be of unequal yolk and one party (mainly the christian) must win over the other person in order for the relationship to be blessed.

What these walls lead to is Christians staying in the realm of Christians to foster what many believe is a better relationship based upon the same faith and goals. The thing is that you cannot use religion alone to solidify any relationship. Before any of us were ordained Christians, Muslims, Rastafarian, priest or pope, we were all born first as humans. Our natural instincts as humans allow us to pursue our own destinies, set our own dreams and goals, many of them however we do share with our partners, but many times our own destiny and emotions takes us down a fork in the road and then a choice will have to be made. Many times christians travel down this very same road and will have to make serious decisions in which direction they must take.

Christians In Love
Christians In Love

Relationship Difficulties With Christians

So as the equal yolk rule exist within the church, christian women and men are basically forced to find someone within the same church or church of the same denomination. Its all good to share the love of God mutually, but God's love is a general love which spreads over all good Christians, but the love of a man to a woman and a woman to a man is a special love which needs to be understood by Christians. It is the same feelings non Christians feel towards their spouse, the same emotions, the same wanting the person to hug, touch and kiss. But Christians have to be very vigilant, as certain actions may lead them to the condemned fornication. Emotions have to be mummified and scooped under the church carpet and some good ole christian talk takes presidence. What you find with this is that many Christians do find it difficult to express their true emotions as it is totally bound by what is right to say and what is wrong to say. So a single beautiful lady in church is faced with the unwanted stock of men which comes to church every Sunday and sings and praise. She is getting up into age and will just satisfy with who ever comes up to her and says "Will You," without even finishing the sentence her answer will always be yes! The thing about this type of marriage commitment is that it is not truly based upon a mutual love but rather desperation and rule. Desperation meaning that the woman fears being too old and not being married to have a husband and children, and the rule in which christian people should be married before any form of sexual actions between the same.

This is what is called Blind Marriage. Couples who do not truly love and understand each other decide to get married based upon desperation, rule or religion. Even if a few work out, many will simply not work.

Developing Problems From Not Really Knowing Your Partner

When Christians venture into blind marriages, they go in on faith hoping that their God will eventually work things out for them. There are a few who will ride out such marriage and will never let go no matter the circumstances, but there are others who simply cannot bear the burden of being in such a relationship. People who marry blind normally do not get to know there partner deeply until they begin to spend that closeness with them. They then begin to know the person a little deeper and many times knowing what they now know will eventually lead to controversy.

  • Sex
    Sex is always a big part of any relationship no matter how it is down played. If a christian woman or man dives blindly into marriage and finds out that her partner is short on any package which is needed for a healthy sexual relationship, one partner will not be pleased. Normally when this happens it is advisable to seek counseling to try and find a solution. But many solutions do get monotonous and then the frustration returns. Yes, they can probably ignore that aspect of the relationship and simply focus on God's love, but there are those who simply need a little more that prayer to be satisfied.
  • Emerging Personality
    Can you live with that person being that person? OK, you now realize that your vocal husband who sings praises and worship in church is not so vocal when is wife is being disrespected. Instead he cowers and says nothing. Will this couple continue to be faithful to each other and love honor and obey?
  • Financial
    When a christian marries blindly, she/he marries the persons wealth are debt. If the situation is the latter, they will have to commit to a lifestyle where they may eventually don't even have food to eat or a roof over their head. If the faith is weak or the christian couple both believe each can do better on their own, well the relationship will be another jigsaw puzzle.
  • Creating a Family
    Being a christian doesn't mean that it is inevitable for you to have a child or ready to have a child. One partner may simply not be ready or will deter from the idea of wanting a child. This problem many times lead to infidelity in christian marriages, frustration and divorce.

What To Do When Facing Marital Problems

As Christians, a much more suttle approach should always be taken when working out martial problems. Here are the basic steps in marital problem control in which Christians can use as a guide to help fix such faulty marriages.

  • Pray
    As a christian, if you believe in your faith, the first thing you should do is pray about the issues and place them at the feet of God so he can guide you along the way.
  • Speak with your partner
    This is a must in not only christian marriages but non-christian marriages. You would find that a little communication goes a long way. Try to compromise, work out ideas with each other and see where it goes from there.
  • Speak with your Church Leader
    Even Christians need privacy, not every church goer likes to consult with their pastor when they have problems, but if you truly follow the path of Christianity this is what should be done if the problem cannot be worked out and becomes over bearing. A christian should be without pride and shame when dealing with agents of God.

  • Try Counseling
    You can always seek professional marriage counseling. Many people have received help this way and have saved their marriage.

Do you believe Christians are entitled to a Divorce if the marriage does not work?

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Christian Marriages That Work

A strong christian marriage which is founded by God's divine love and the natural love between the couple is a beautiful thing and tends to last an entire lifetime. Even though blind Christian marriages fail, the divorce rate of Christians compared to non-Christians is actually 50% less. Why is non-Christians twice the chance of getting a divorce is that strong christian couples place God at the center of their relationships instead of focusing directly at the problem at hand or the individual. They are endowed in faith, hope, loyalty and commitment.

When Christians blind marry, it will take a lot more work, understanding and endurance to build a solid relationship erected from the foundation of God.

Listen To Pastor Richard Jordon on Christian Marriage Councilling

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    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 18 months ago from Olympia, WA

      It would be difficult to argue with any of this. Been there, failed miserably, learned and succeeded the second time. I'm an expert on what doesn't work in a marriage and an apprentice on what does. :)

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 18 months ago

      Very interesting!

      "Christians have it much more difficult than non-Christians when it comes on to dating and relationships. They are prohibited from indulging in certain questionable lifestyle."

      In my experience most Christians "cherry pick" which biblical rules they will obey. While single I had pre-marital sex with many women who would tell you they are of the Christian faith. In fact Kim Davis the county clerk in Kentucky that refuses to grant marriage licenses to gay couples on the grounds of her religion had an extramarital affair and children out of wedlock. Once again an example of "cherry picking". There have also been scandals with ministers and other religious leaders including Catholic priests. Who you say you are doesn't always match how you conduct yourself.

      Having said that I believe what is most important is to choose someone who shares (your) same values, wants the same things for the marriage you do, naturally agrees with you on how to obtain those things, and last but not least have a mutual depth of love and desire for one another.

      Like attracts like and opposites attract divorce attorneys!:)

    • clivewilliams profile image
      Author

      Clive Williams 18 months ago from Nibiru

      @Billy, the good thing about is that you tried again and found true love. Now you know what works and what doesn't

    • clivewilliams profile image
      Author

      Clive Williams 18 months ago from Nibiru

      @dashingscorpio...It is important to choose someone who shares the same values and goals as you do and not just the same faith. Marriage in Christianity can be sweet as well as it can be bitter. especially for the women.

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 18 months ago

      Proverbs 21:19

      "It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman." Choosing the "right mate" for oneself is the key.

      Know yourself, Love yourself, Trust yourself.

      When people want the same things and naturally agree on how to obtain them as well as they enjoy each other's company they're usually happy.

      Who knew? :)

    • Jodah profile image

      John Hansen 18 months ago from Queensland Australia

      Interesting hub Clive. Many people who actually identify as being Christian are really that in name only, and don't actually lead the strict and righteous lifestyle that is often aid down by their church. That being aid many Christian churches differ so much in what they believe and don't believe who knows. My father was Anglican and Mother was Catholic. The Catholic church would not allow them to marry so my mother changed denominations and became an Anglican.

    • clivewilliams profile image
      Author

      Clive Williams 18 months ago from Nibiru

      That is what i mean about the un equal yolk Jodah, many Christians have it very hard when choosing a mate to be with for life

    • Frank Atanacio profile image

      Frank Atanacio 18 months ago from Shelton

      very interesting Clive, and it can border on controversial too..

    • clivewilliams profile image
      Author

      Clive Williams 18 months ago from Nibiru

      thanks for stopping by franco. yes it is

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