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Clingy Women

Updated on November 12, 2013

They call, text or email their guy constantly needing assurance she is important in his life. These women are comparable to a two year old that hangs on their mother’s leg and when separated cry and throw a fit.

Most have confidence issues, they fear he will find someone else and leave them. They have to be his best friend and in some cases she wants to be his “only” friend. He shouldn’t need anyone else. Right? Wrong.

What they don’t realize is that to a man this is the same as a dog on a short leash. When she won’t let him go and do things with his friends he feels smothered. He is torn between loving her and needing to have time with his male pals or even just a few minutes alone to regroup and breathe.

Remember that song you loved? It was your favorite until the radio played it over and over and over again and before you knew it you couldn't stand it any longer. Hearing the first two notes would make you cringe and change the station. It's like that.

Many good relationships have ended due to girls clinging to their guys like a parasite on a tree. She sucks the very life out of him and has no idea she is doing it. Then one day he tells her he thinks they should see other people and she can’t figure out what went wrong because in her mind everything was copacetic.

I’ve mostly seen this behavior in young women. Older gals have usually learned by the time they are in their late thirties that men are turned off by this behavior. Girls whose fathers weren’t there when they needed them will develop this trait but also some whose dads spoiled them turn out the same.

You’ve heard the saying, “Absence makes the heart grow fonder.” This is true. Too much togetherness will put a strain on the best of relationships. Men have to be able to go off and do his thing just like women have their activities and interests. Only difference is immature females want him sitting in a chair looking at her while she shops, watches a chick flick or looks at fashion magazines asking him his opinion. The world is a stage and he is her captive audience.

Put yourself in his place for just a few minutes. Do you honestly think a person who hates shopping, wants to accompany you to try on dresses even if you are the model? Seriously?

The answer is no but he’ll be nice and say, “Sure,” unless he’s not very bright. Do the poor man a favor and don’t put him through that. It’s the equivalent of him dragging you to a sports event you can’t stand.

Straight men seldom like shopping and if they do it is only when the end result is him getting a power tool or other manly merchandise.

So how do you cure this cling-on affliction?

  • Find some friends, go out and do girlie things with other women or gay guys. If you can’t find anyone with your interests go alone. Nothing wrong with being by yourself sometimes.
  • Stop making him your entire focus, it's unhealthy. Yes you love him but this is not the proper way to show it.
  • Don't dissect his every word. If he says a guy is his best friend don't get jealous and childish about it. To him you are more than a friend, you are his lover so stop smothering.
  • Turn off that little voice in your head that says he’s looking at other women. Yes, he is, even when you think he isn’t. Why? Because he’s a man and that is how they are wired. If he wasn’t interested in women he wouldn’t be with you. He's with you so stop making a big deal out of it. They can’t turn off their eyes just because they are in love and if you are truthful with yourself you’ll realize you look at other men too. So give the man some space and stop worrying.

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    • Pamela N Red profile image
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      Pamela N Red 6 years ago from Oklahoma

      Tyy, it happens to many of us at one point or another.

    • profile image

      Tyy 6 years ago

      Thanks for the vital info...

      This truly speaks to me and I really do have to work on my clinging issue.

    • Pamela N Red profile image
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      Pamela N Red 6 years ago from Oklahoma

      Gabgirl, some men bring out the worst in us and some the best, we just have to find the right man that makes us complete.

      Sun-girl, thanks for reading.

    • Sun-Girl profile image

      Sun-Girl 6 years ago from Nigeria

      Nice hub which is well shared.

    • gabgirl12 profile image

      gabgirl12 6 years ago

      I had this experience recently with 'feeling' I was getting clingy with someone. I let the guy know immediately. And we parted ways. I never did anything crazy though. But it was like, I needed to talk to him and I had to literally resist the urge to pick up the phone. I HATED feeling that and I still dont know why I do, even in my 30s. What's amazing is his mother calls me up a week later trying to keep my hopes up by saying 'he'll call you when you least expect it'. haha, umm I dont think so ma'am. It will just make it worse. What I hope will happen when I least expect it, is these powerful crazy feelings I had for him, will disappear. Thanks for your hub. It's confronting, but it comes with a cure. :)

    • Pamela N Red profile image
      Author

      Pamela N Red 6 years ago from Oklahoma

      Thanks for reading, prettynutjob30.

    • prettynutjob30 profile image

      Mary 6 years ago from From the land of Chocolate Chips,and all other things sweet.

      Great hub.

    • Pamela N Red profile image
      Author

      Pamela N Red 6 years ago from Oklahoma

      JGoul, you have to read their signals and know when they want or need space. Sometimes they want you close but everyone needs time apart at some point.

    • JGoul profile image

      JGoul 6 years ago

      I'm wondering if this might not vary a bit with the stage of the relationship you're in...

      It seems to me that in the very beginning, you're still figuring each other and the relationship out, and it's very dangerous at that stage to appear clingy. At that point, the guy is still deciding whether you're worth any additional investment of time and effort. By being clingy, you can make it an easy decision for him. Then sometimes there's a stage where you can't get enough of each other, and some clinginess might not be too bad during that stage. But at some point, once you've figured out how to be together, you have to figure out how to be with each other and still interact with the world. And that's where you're going to have to make long term decisions about how much interaction is too much.

      And there's definitely variations between guys on this. A lot of guys who aren't especially confident or comfortable in their romantic lives enjoy clinginess. It makes them feel that the relationship is secure, and that they are important.

    • Pamela N Red profile image
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      Pamela N Red 6 years ago from Oklahoma

      As long as you don't feel smothered that is a good thing, upal19.

    • upal19 profile image

      Ashraf Mir 6 years ago from Dhaka

      I like clingy woman. I enjoy it too much. I'll not allow her to read this hub.

    • Pamela N Red profile image
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      Pamela N Red 6 years ago from Oklahoma

      That is great advice, Darknlovely, if we appear too needy they don't always respect us.

    • Darknlovely3436 profile image

      Annie 6 years ago from NewYork

      Great Hub and very useful "my grandmothe alwys told me to play hard to get....never appear to be too clingy(:)

    • Pamela N Red profile image
      Author

      Pamela N Red 6 years ago from Oklahoma

      Thanks for reading, Emmyboy.

      Deborah, it's not always easy to give another person space especially if you've been hurt. We have to work on it.

    • Deborah Demander profile image

      Deborah Demander 6 years ago from First Wyoming, then THE WORLD

      Great hub. Even at my age, insecurity sneaks in. This was a good reminder not to get too clingy.

      Namaste.

    • Emmyboy profile image

      Emmyboy 6 years ago from Nigeria

      i thank you so much because you understand.

    • Pamela N Red profile image
      Author

      Pamela N Red 6 years ago from Oklahoma

      She's immature, hopefully she will realize it before she runs off another guy.

    • profile image

      Suramya.K 6 years ago

      But she was way too much, she does not even give us an eye now,, she really loves clinging... Haha!!

    • Pamela N Red profile image
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      Pamela N Red 6 years ago from Oklahoma

      Suramya, sometimes people are too greedy and don't allow their significant other to have time with friends. As long as they are still spending time with their girlfriend there shouldn't be an issue.

    • profile image

      Suramya.K 6 years ago

      Hy Pamela, you got funny pictures to clarify your writing. While I have not had any personal experience in this matter, I have a best friend who "suffered" this. The girl would irritate him a lot and sometimes she asked him to choose between me and herself... what a #$@&* she was!! Eventually, my friend broke up with him and to our surprise, she quickly got a new boy friends. Good for her and great for us!!

    • Pamela N Red profile image
      Author

      Pamela N Red 6 years ago from Oklahoma

      It is insecurity, OT and hopefully most will realize what they are doing before it is too late.

    • Obscure_Treasures profile image

      Obscure_Treasures 6 years ago from USA

      This kind of behavior comes from insecurity. It's an unhealthy behavior though. At the end of the day everyone needs space.

    • Pamela N Red profile image
      Author

      Pamela N Red 6 years ago from Oklahoma

      BeatsMe, I haven't seen many men do this, it's typically women.

    • BeatsMe profile image

      BeatsMe 6 years ago

      I've seen some really clingy women (and men) and from a distance they can be cute. Just don't get too close to them. :)

    • Pamela N Red profile image
      Author

      Pamela N Red 6 years ago from Oklahoma

      Denise, you are so right. It's not always easy for us to see our own faults.

    • Denise Handlon profile image

      Denise Handlon 6 years ago from North Carolina

      Hi Pamela, nice to meet you. Saw that you were following me. I loved the hub, and the photos were wonderful, LOL

      Unfortunately, those who would benefit the most from reading this hub, probably won't think it pertains to them!

    • Pamela N Red profile image
      Author

      Pamela N Red 6 years ago from Oklahoma

      Annamarie, that is true. People with special needs often have separation issues.

    • profile image

      Annamarie 6 years ago

      the above is very well explained but it should add that people with mental illness can go through the same thing

      so i would see this topic differantly as i am like the above too,only i have learning dissabilities

    • Pamela N Red profile image
      Author

      Pamela N Red 6 years ago from Oklahoma

      Some people are insecure and make their partner's life difficult. Thanks for stopping by sonia05.

    • sonia05 profile image

      sonia05 6 years ago from india

      great hub!!! i really liked it.Thankfully,i have a very nice husband and both of us give ample space to each other. However,i had a clingy friend who made my life hell for few months till i straightened things out and that was the end of our friendship.I am glad,honestly!!!

    • profile image

      John 6 years ago

      Excellent you are on the mark...You hit it. thanks

      http://usedbooks4cash.blogspot.com/

    • Pamela N Red profile image
      Author

      Pamela N Red 6 years ago from Oklahoma

      Will, some people need more attention than others.

    • WillStarr profile image

      WillStarr 6 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

      If you feel you must cling, it's probably already too late.

      My wife and I intentionally take each other for granted. By that I mean that we don't worry that we must forever be entertaining and sexy lest the other start seeking greener pastures. I trust her and she trusts me, so we are both free to follow our separate interests when we wish.

      Insecure couples simply can't do that, and while I'm at it, there are also plenty of clinging men.

    • Pamela N Red profile image
      Author

      Pamela N Red 6 years ago from Oklahoma

      Good for you. This shows you are a well rounded person. Some guys do it too but it seems more women are guilty.

    • justanotherteen profile image

      justanotherteen 6 years ago

      I'm the complete opposite, had the lovely experience of meeting a few clingy guys. I think you have some great points here and the hub deffinetley made me smile! Luckily i'd like to think I havent behaved like this before lol

    • Pamela N Red profile image
      Author

      Pamela N Red 6 years ago from Oklahoma

      Some men are like that. I married one. He calls me constantly. I don't mind though.

    • Bronson_Hub profile image

      Bronson_Hub 6 years ago from San Francisco, CA

      Wow, I wish more folks would read this article. It is so refreshing to see someone who can understand the destruction that obsessiveness causes. I've been in a situation that at first felt flattering but turned toxic very quickly. Often I see men do this, too. I've been guilty of doing it and the need for constant validation came from a underlying feeling of low self-worth. Dependency on some external source for security and happiness made me feel needy and clingy. The best thing I did to nip that in the bud was to open up to some painful things in my past I wanted to block away. Glad that's all done with! But the trials don't stop until life stops.

    • profile image

      deepak 6 years ago

      i love india i love all indin famliye

    • sdy53 profile image

      sdy53 6 years ago

      A question about the following quote made by Mentalist Acer:

      "As a male,if my girl can't hang with the boys with me,then it's trouble"

      To be fair I would like to ask him how he how he would react if the woman in his life proclaimed the following:

      "As a FEMALE,if my MAN can't hang with the GIRLS with me,then it's trouble"

      The air and tone of his post was a tad bit chauvinistic.

    • Pamela N Red profile image
      Author

      Pamela N Red 6 years ago from Oklahoma

      Thanks for reading, LilVic.

    • LilVic profile image

      LilVic 6 years ago

      Well said!!! And psst....that goes both ways! I love my girl time and don't want to feel guilty about it...

    • Pamela N Red profile image
      Author

      Pamela N Red 6 years ago from Oklahoma

      I hope it helped some people without stepping on toes.

    • katiem2 profile image

      katiem2 6 years ago from I'm outta here

      You've very clearly defined the cling women and hopefully they will read it and come to understand the better balance in relationships. Well said and great approach to a touchy subject! :) Katie

    • Pamela N Red profile image
      Author

      Pamela N Red 6 years ago from Oklahoma

      Michael, most men are overwhelmed by that much attention.

    • Michael Ray King profile image

      Michael Ray King 6 years ago from Palm Coast, Florida

      I count the relationship I had with a clinging woman one of the worst of my life. I was young and at first the attention felt good, but soon everything felt sick. She did have tremendous self-esteem issues. I learned from that relationship what I did NOT want. I avoided placing myself in that kind of relationship again. Great hub!

    • Pamela N Red profile image
      Author

      Pamela N Red 6 years ago from Oklahoma

      Immartin, I've seen a couple lately who needed to hear this message.

      Glenn, it amazes me that some do this and run off perfectly good men.

    • Glenn Stok profile image

      Glenn Stok 6 years ago from Long Island, NY

      I had that experience once with a girlfriend who needed constant attention.

      Example: She wants me to call her immediately when I get home from work. Spend quite a bit of time on the phone when I want to start cooking. Then she says "call me again after you finish eating." But we just spent an hour talking already!!!

      I can attest that from a guy's point of view this is a red flag. Your hub is very useful and I voted it up.

    • lmmartin profile image

      lmmartin 6 years ago from Alberta and Florida

      There's an old adage that fits here. Until you are comfortable and confident in your own skin, you have nothing to give another person. So isn't that the key? Get a life; be happy with yourself and then, only then can you have a real relationship. Good hub. Lynda

    • Pamela N Red profile image
      Author

      Pamela N Red 6 years ago from Oklahoma

      Thanks, mckbirdbks. I know I probably stepped on a few toes but I've seen quite a bit of this lately and thought it would be a good subject to write about.

    • mckbirdbks profile image

      mckbirdbks 6 years ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      You picked a challenging subject and did a good job covering it.

    • Pamela N Red profile image
      Author

      Pamela N Red 6 years ago from Oklahoma

      You sound pretty typical, Mentalist acer.

    • Mentalist acer profile image

      Mentalist acer 6 years ago from A Voice in your Mind!

      As a male,if my girl can't hang with the boys with me,then it's trouble,as for shopping,we go our seperate way then gather for a just us meal at a nice resteraunt afterwards...I in turn accept her girls at the house where I can spend a bit of time then excuse myself to the laptop in the bedroom.;)

    • Pamela N Red profile image
      Author

      Pamela N Red 6 years ago from Oklahoma

      Bella, I've been there myself. It's an easy trap to fall in.

    • bellawritter23 profile image

      Erica Sanchez 6 years ago from California

      Found your hub very useful and thanks for the tips as I saw myself in a few of your points. Thanks for sharing Pamela.

      smiles :)

      bella