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Common Life's Issues

Updated on October 20, 2016
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I learned about making sheep's wool during my stay in South Africa. An interesting process to oversee.

Bad Experiences in Common Life Issues

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Relationships and Complications

Life is wonderful, beautiful, and full of experiences without joys, sadness and happiness life won't be much but just life.

You got to make your life adventurous and worth your while.

The big events, and the small events does take a toll on many individuals.

  • The following are the issues of many Lives:

Fiancé just wants to party!

She is twenty four, her fiancé is twenty, and they have been together for a year.

Recently, he had changed a lot and started a new job. He has chosen to stay out from eleven in the morning to eleven at night. So she hardly gets to see her partner.

When she does see him he is either drunk, or late and smells of other woman.

She felt he was cheating on her and when she confronted him about it his moods immediately changed. The guy got angry and swore at her.

Her fiance feels she doesn't trust him. The problem here she does not trust him because he doesn't give her a reason to. She is confused and hurt in this relationship.

  • A four year gap between the two is not significant; if they love each other age has nothing to do with love right?

It is however, important in relation to his behavior.

He is young and may feel he is missing out on things his friend's his age are doing. He might want to play around a bit and not be ready to commit.

The twenty four year old woman should sit him down for a serious chat and if this doesn't work she should write a letter to him.

In the letter she must let him know of how she feels about such behaviors.

Ask, if he wants to suspend the relationship.

  • Would he like to go on and that you set aside some rights to be together and agree to see your respective friends?

He can decide what he really wants from the relationship a chance to work on the relationship or to walk away from it.

You need to know where you stand.

  • What do you think of the following situation?

  • Scared Body, Scarred Mind

When you were six you had measles which left scars on your body, and these scars won't go away.

You have developed a huge complex and wouldn't do any activity that meant you had to expose your legs. You still hate to expose parts of your body.

You married and got divorced and part of the reason was your shyness about your body. Even though your husband told you he loves you for who you really are but you still used excuses to sleep in the kid's room. Your idea of having to avoid showing him your body.

This led to fights and to him drinking and eventually he left you.

You refused to date anyone else any time sooner. Years later you met a guy who wants to marry you but you are stalling because of this monstrous insecurity.

He often asks you why you wear always wear jeans and long skirts; you were not honest about it. Instead said you have ugly legs. He also asked you to spend time with him soon and to bring a swimming costume.

You really love him and don't want to lose him but you can't put yourself through the pain of being gawped at in public or the shame of not being the attractive woman he deserves.

  • What can she do to make her life normal again?

Firstly, her husband did see her naked in the beginning and still loved her.

Now, someone else has fallen in love with her and she needed him to tell her that she is a petty special person regardless of her scars.

The woman is so focused on the scars that she had forgotten it is the whole person that counts.

However, she could do two things. First, make an appointment to see a plastic and reconstructive surgeon. If something can be done then there is a good chance of her changing her life around.

Second, she needs to realize the scars on her body have left scars on her psyche and she should seek help from a psychologist to improve her self-image and understand beauty is more than skin deep.

In that way she can gather the courage to tell the man she loves about her scars. Whatever she decides the point here is that her man has the right to make his own choice about loving her. Also, in living with her for who she really is, herself.

On the other hand, she shouldn't presume he will reject her before giving him a choice.

  • Mom's sisters sleep around

You are in your thirties and happily married and have a good job but you are haunted by your childhood.

Also, you are deeply upset at the maliciousness it has caused in your sisters and in the your failure to speak up against them.

When you were little your mother had a breast enhancement operation and embarked on a series of affairs one with the victim’s father’s brother!

Then she started an affair with a neighbor who sexually abused the victim and one of her sisters.

The other sister was dating this man's son at that time. Your mother was so engrossed in her intimate escapades while your pain and abuse continued.

One of your sisters became a hooker. They have all had many abortions.

You became almost rigid as a result of the abuse which resulted in your husband leaving you and making use of escorts.

If anyone criticizes your sisters lifestyles they attack viciously. You have not had the courage to stop them. You fear someone will be pushed over the edge and end up committing suicide.

A complicated situation, her mother had an extremely poor self-image to have developed such a huge need for love and affection.

Another possibility is that she has an extremely strong libido coupled with a strong need to affection and she confused her sexual acts with love.

Either way, the affairs created a dysfunctional environment for her daughters and the abuse made the situation worse for all of you.

Such traumatic experiences can have devastating effects on the psyche they have obviously left the sisters with a lot of anger and aggression.

She shouldn't beat herself up for not speaking out. The victim's childhood traumas have left her filled with fear rather than anger.

On a subconscious level she may be afraid her sisters will destroy your happiness which in fact makes her a silent victim.

It is good to get the skeletons out of the closet and leave the past behind, seek professional help to get her issues spoken about so the individual can go on with her life.

It won't be enjoyable because she will have to relive some of her past pain but the result will be wonderful it will free her to voice up her own opinions.

Remember she can't take responsibility for her mother and sisters' behavior.

It is the main cause of the problem and they must face the consequences. She had to learn to know where to draw the line.

Only she can stop herself from going back instead move on to a new life all over again.

Life is what you make of it and every mistake is definitely a learning lesson.

Accept Scars and move on to Better Positive Thinking

Great life experiences

How do you handle Common Life Issues?

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Gossips

The open-minded writer who enjoys sharing her interests.
The open-minded writer who enjoys sharing her interests. | Source

© 2013 Devika Primić

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    • DDE profile image
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      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Hello ChitrangadaSharan thanks for the vote up and for sharing your kind comments

    • ChitrangadaSharan profile image

      Chitrangada Sharan 3 years ago from New Delhi, India

      An insightful and thought provoking hub!

      Enjoyed reading this. Thanks and voted up!

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      passionate77, take care and hope to read more hubs from you, thanks

    • passionate77 profile image

      passionate77 3 years ago

      very nice hub related to a real topic of real life, your hubs are always thought provoking devika, enjoyed reading it, blessings for sharing your views on this point dear.

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Shyron E Shenko thanks so nice of you to stop by second time round and I appreciate votes UI and sahring

    • Shyron E Shenko profile image

      Shyron E Shenko 3 years ago from Texas

      I had to come back to read this DDE, it is just as interesting the 2nd time around, and voted up, UI, and shared.

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Hi tillsontitan, so kind of you to comment here thanks very much for votes up, useful and interesting

    • tillsontitan profile image

      Mary Craig 3 years ago from New York

      Your hubs always make us think! such interesting topics that affect us all in one way or another, either ourselves or through a relative or friend.

      Another job well done.

      Voted up, useful, andinteresting.

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Common Life Issues in many people's lives thumbi7 thanks for commenting on my hubs have great weekend.

    • thumbi7 profile image

      JR Krishna 3 years ago from India

      Interesting thoughts

      Thanks for sharing

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Hi FlourishAnyway so agree with your valuable points here thanks

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Common Life Issues, thanks for all votes abuse is still rarely spoken of

    • FlourishAnyway profile image

      FlourishAnyway 3 years ago from USA

      Each of us deal with trauma in varying ways, either rising to it or being crushed by it or somewhere in between. Hopefully you've encouraged others to see they are not alone. I hope those who need professional help seek it.

    • D.A.L. profile image

      Dave 3 years ago from Lancashire north west England

      Hi, once again you have produced a powerful thought provoking hub which will ,unfortunately, resonate with many readers. Everyone knows or has seen the evidence of a beating or abuse. It is a sad fact of life that some people have to live with when their choices are limited usually because a lack of finance. There are of course cases when men are beaten or abused by women. Great article. Voted up. Awesome and very useful.

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      sheilamyers, thanks for commenting I appreciate you stopping by.

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Shyron E Shenko if a man ever hit me for any reason I will be out that door I don't believe any man should hit or abuse a woman in any way well it works both ways. Think about writing about your experience so nice of you to come by and share your experience and thoughts thanks very much

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Hi CraftytotheCore so true it comes from within us well stated and the victim is often blamed thanks for your valuable input on my hubs.

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      billybuc life has manyf unexpected surprises thanks for coming by

    • profile image

      sheilamyers 3 years ago

      I think you've given some good examples and advice. It will offer a good starting point for people in those situations.

    • Shyron E Shenko profile image

      Shyron E Shenko 3 years ago from Texas

      Each one of us would deal with trama in different way. I saw my mom hit in the face, and her nose broken when I was a little girl (when a gun for protection) I could have become tramatized. But I did what I could to help my mom.

      My Ex- only hit me once, after what I did and told him, he never hit me again, but I will not write about that, at least not yet.

    • CraftytotheCore profile image

      CraftytotheCore 3 years ago

      DDE, your words are so powerful....especially these,

      "She shouldn't beat herself up for not speaking out. The victim's childhood traumas have left her filled with fear rather than anger. On a subconscious level she may be afraid her sisters will destroy your happiness which in fact makes her a silent victim."

      I speak out a lot about issues that have plagued me over the years. And I find that a lot of the abusive people in my life have always blamed the victim. I feel that they blame the "child" for being born so to speak. So sad. It must be such an empty life to blame a victim!

      I stopped being a person who feels rejected, and started living my life once I let go of the abusive past I lived. It comes from within us.

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 3 years ago from Olympia, WA

      At sixty-five years of age I'm wondering how many more life issues I'll have to experience. :) Great thoughts in this to begin my Tuesday. Well done.