- Gender and Relationships
Communication ? Do we really hear each other?
who said women come from Venus and men come from mars??
It all starts when she says " we need to talk" and then comes the fireworks .
well this statement might describe most of our Conversations (that's if we can call them conversations) with our guys. Usually girls and women in general demand guys to listen to them and follow the topic they are discussing wholeheartedly. Yet when the male partner shows some distraction, or lack of concern the fire bursts out. " YOu are not listening! ... ANd everything goes down the drain."
Yet what women and men have to understand, is that both partners and genders in general have different communication techniques. Women tend to focus and make more eye contact while conversing whether with fellow female friends or males as well. THey tend to show empathy more than males share they thoughts as well as previous experiences and seem to show lots to BUDDY LOVE. On the other hand, men tend to look around the room more often and hop from one topic to another which gives women the impression that THEIR men aren't really listening.
What is really interesting, is that men don't seem to like to make eye contact that especially when conversing. Men tend to look around talk about random stuff and sometimes seem off topic, thus women usually take that as insulting or refer to that as LACK OF INTEREST. I have recently read an article that states that most men would unconsciously look around that room while making a conversation than look the person next to them in the eye and identify with the subject at hand maybe it is not by choice yet, some study subjects showed this mutual behavior. In other words, when the man next to you is looking around the room, he might not Necessarily be careless or disregarding what you're saying. Women on the other hand, tend to join the conversation, share their feelings express approval or disapproval by making eye contact listening and sharing . Yet understanding these fundamental differences between men and women would ease you life a lot. The issue is that men and women are built differently and have different communication techniques!
I also read about one case where a woman would ask her boyfriend to sit and talk to her and things wouldn't really turn out well. When that happened, her boyfriend would lie down cover his eyes instead of making eye contact . "that was simply rude" the girl friend would reply and try to FIX things up by demanding him to listen (at least this is what the boy friend said she did very often) The Girlfriend stated that she would feel frustrated and shut out of his world and she would occasionally just walk away. In reality, the boyfriend stated that he tries to focus with his girlfriend by trying to shut out the world and all its distractions by covering his eyes and staying focused on his girl friend's voice. He says that it makes him a better listener especially when he cuts off all the distractions. The girl friend upon knowing that fact felt less left out and tried to communicate better with her boyfriend. The next time they wanted to have a conversation, the boy friend started laying on the bed, the girl friend on the other hand felt a little uncomfortable yet, knowing the fact that he was trying his best to listen to her she felt a little better. Then the boyfriend changed his position made eye contact and stared her right in the face and said " I AM LISTENING WITH MY EARS AND HEART" this is really interesting.
So the tips for better conversation are
1- Try to speak clearly and make eye contact for women, yet understand that men tend to get distracted easily and go off the topic. Prejudging will also make things worse, so try to be calm, less imposing and demanding since men hate women who tell them what to do.
2- Approach the person concerned with a peaceful attitude (a neutral one) without showing him/her any aggression and try to be less obvious and demanding in the beginning of the conversation.
3- Use lines line " What do you think about that " and try to give the person next to you some space and time to study your thoughts and proposal.
4-Try to be more understanding and show empathy to what he/she is saying. In case of a debate or an argument try to see the other point of view.
5- Use words with positive connotations like " i understand, i do believe , honey, i know that, Okay i will try my best...etc Rather than "Would you just listen to me, you simply don't get it, Don't be too judgmental, Just shut up and give me a break ... Such negative words leave a negative impact on the atmosphere of the room and gives out negative energy in which we are affect by.
6- Leave out the curses. "the F word, shut up, Go to hell, in your dreams..." you can leave out the demeaning phrases as well " as if a retard like you would understand what i am saying, are we on the same F page? Do you even hear me when i talk to you??.....
7- Know that a conversation is not ONE sided try to see what the other person thinks about the subject at hand. "Honey, i know i am a little bossy but i would really want to hear your opinion on the matter at hand. ... Or will you please open up and tell me what is going on your mind? I swear i will try to be less judgmental and more supportive." You can also try not to cut the person while trying to connect with you as much as possible.