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Complacency, the Death Knell of Relationships

Updated on December 25, 2012

Complacency, the Death Knell of Relationships

By Tony DeLorger © 2011

What we seek most in life is stability and security, and in reaching them we often become complacent and float along paying little attention to our circumstance. Complacency is the demon of broken relationships, the end of seeking and the careless taking for granted of the life we have sort and attained.

Being satisfied surely is not a bad thing, but it can lull us into a false sense of security. Relationships and indeed life requires a constant effort to keep all aspects in balance and nourished for their needs and growth. Becoming complacent is the first crack in a relationship, the expectation that everything is fine now and will continue to be.

The problem is that human beings need to struggle, to work towards a goal. It makes us appreciate what we have and gives both our goal and us a level of worth. Without struggle there is no seeking, no growth and therefore no stimuli. Life can become boring and without challenge.

When our lives become boring we look elsewhere for stimulus, whether that is a new relationship or job or hobby, we become driven to change. It’s ironic that what we seek is the thing that can derail all we have worked for, but attainment is never an end. Gaining anything worth having is the beginning of a continuous process of maintenance. Without it our dreams can crumble, and quickly.

This is the reason for so many marriage break-ups. Complacency transforms to boredom and the two parties go their separate ways, with infidelity a major contributor. Struggle then is a major influence and contributor to a balanced life. It is the process by which we overcome adversity and succeed, develop experience, self-worth and confidence. Life blossoms with participation and a fervent commitment to action, thereby creating fulfillment as a result. Ceasing that process creates imbalance, like taking your eye off the ball, causing problems and obstacles not looked for or even noticed.

Even after years of a harmonious relationship, it takes so little to burst the bubble. When people say you must fight for what you believe in, it is an understatement. Relationships and in fact any human endeavour must be fought for, always nourishing, gaining a new perspective and caring for the needs and requirements of the person or job or whatever. Most people have this idea that once a supposed soul mate is found, everything is happy ever after. That is never the case. The only relationships that work are when the two people involved constantly work toward the goal of preserving that relationship.

These days not many people understand nor are willing to work toward a successfulrelationship. I think we have become too self-centered and spoilt in our attitudes. At the sign of the first crack, people just let it all go, and I think that is sad.

In conclusion, complacency is a trap for the ignorant, those who believe life owes them happiness and it comes as a matter of course. The reality is we have to fight for our circumstance and to preserve it. Life offers no free rides and it’s a lesson worth remembering.


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    • Tony DeLorger profile imageAUTHOR

      Tony DeLorger 

      7 years ago from Adelaide, South Australia

      Thanks for reading and commenting Eiddwen. Cheers.

    • Eiddwen profile image


      7 years ago from Wales

      A very interesting hub with much food for thought.

      Thank you for sharing and I vote up.

      Take care


    • Tony DeLorger profile imageAUTHOR

      Tony DeLorger 

      7 years ago from Adelaide, South Australia

      Thanks for reading SpiffyD. Glad you connected.

    • SpiffyD profile image


      7 years ago from The Caribbean

      This is a fine hub. It's good that you pointed out that complacency is like the stream that leads into the river, which then leads to the sea. It just creeps into the relationship and sets new benchmarks (or depths) each time a threshold is crossed.

    • Tony DeLorger profile imageAUTHOR

      Tony DeLorger 

      7 years ago from Adelaide, South Australia

      Thanks dashingscorpio, nice metaphor about the 'job'. Glad you related.

      Thanks ExoticHippieQueen. Yes we are strange beings, our behaviour so often counterproductive.

      Thanks for reading and commenting guys.

    • profile image


      7 years ago

      What is it about we imperfect human beings that what we struggle and strive to attain, once acquired, no longer is desirable? That is such a self-sabotaging behavior, yet it seems to be inborn in each of us. We do have to continuously apply ourselves towards keeping relationships fresh and worthy of holding close permanently.

    • dashingscorpio profile image


      7 years ago

      Excellent insight! Complacency, relaxing too much,or taking someone for granted can kill a relationship. So many times people strive to impress "a new love" in order to win them over but once that person is "emotionally invested" in the relationship they gradually stop doing things and in some cases no longer value what their mate might think about an issue that concerns the couple. A lot of people call it getting (comfortable or settling down) but in reality it's just being LAZY. While the spouse is complaining the (potential other person) is complementing. We'd all do well to remember just because we "got the job" does not mean other people have stopped sending in their resumes to "the company". There is always someone else who would love to have what you have. It's important we remain appreciative in our marriages and relationships! Excellent hub!


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