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Confessions of a Cheating Man

Updated on September 21, 2017

What Would You Do?


To My Children

I know you were looking forward to talking to me at the end of the day to share what’s important in your world but I chose to be somewhere else. Sorry to miss movie night or helping you with your homework because I chose to spend my time with someone else. Someone else meant more to me than spending time with you. I tell you I love you but love requires sacrifice and I was caught up in my own temporary satisfaction to value spending time with you. I am the cause of a negative home life for you and your mother. I am responsible for making your mother feel anger, hurt, and frustration because of my behavior thus upsetting your childhood experiences. Yes, I missed practices and events or showed up late because you weren’t my focus. Sorry to be the source of your mother’s tears, anger, and frustration you witnessed growing up. Sorry for showing you what it is for a man to disrespect, disregard, & dishonor his vows. Sorry for showing you my actions that you can lie, deceive, and hurt those you proclaim to love. Sorry for showing you the example of how a dishonorable man conducts himself. Sorry son for showing you that you don’t have to stand by your family and you can put your own needs above that of what’s best for your family. Sorry for diminishing your wealth by taking my money and spending it on someone else instead of spending that money on the family or investing that money for your future college expenses. Most of all I apologize for shattering your belief in men and setting a bad example of what a man should be. Integrity, character, morals, values, and the ability to trust others was destroyed because of my actions.


To My Wife

I lied to you. I argued with you because it was clear that I was doing wrong. I made you think you were crazy to cover my actions when you became aware someone else had my body and attention. I made you take responsibility for my actions instead of being accountable for what I did. I gave you justifications that resulted in a list of what you do wrong instead of ending the relationship or working to make it better. I left you to take on more responsibility to make up for my absence away from home pursuing other person to satisfy my needs. I, perhaps, even jeopardized your health and my lineage by engaging in unprotected sex with someone else. I made you a single parent ignoring calls, not showing up when needed, and spending all my time elsewhere instead of with the family. I could have given you a break sometimes but I was too busy trying to spend my time with someone else to go to a parent/teacher meeting or cheer the kids on at soccer practice. I made you responsible for my behavior. Instead of approaching you or working together to fix our problems when I felt disconnected from you, I chose to dishonor my commitment and did what was convenient for me. I spread my money thin because you and the family were only part of my concern, my other was to someone who also shared in the same disrespect of our union. I broke your heart and destroyed your ability to believe in fidelity, honor, and truth. I caused you never to see men the same way and seal your heart away placing guards over the tomb of love shattering your truth in other people. I caused you to distrust or question anything I say because after all I am the worst deceiver you’ve ever met in your lifetime.


To My Friends

I caused you to become part of my lies and cover-ups. I put you in the middle of my dishonorable behavior by using you as scapegoats. I made you uncomfortable sitting in front of my wife pretending the family was cool when all the while you knew I was up to no good. I even spent time introducing you to the other woman as a way to show off my exploits, placing you in the position as accomplice to my crimes of the heart. I missed fun times handing out and events because I spread myself thin trying to spend time with someone else.


The Man In The Mirror

I may look handsome, dressed like a million bucks, and rule the world but the truth is my essence by my actions mirror that of a charlatan. When I look in the mirror I see a liar, manipulator, selfish little boy who never stopped wanting all toys to be his even if it’s only to destroy all of them through the fire of my cowardly conduct. A real man doesn’t deceive, lie, dishonor his words/vows, and he doesn’t spend his life pretending to be something he is not. A man makes decisions and stands by his decisions committed to making the best of his choices. A man is solid in his heart, not tossed back and forth through waves of emotions. A man doesn’t spend time avoiding others like a child eating cake before dinner with a mouth full of sugar claiming – “I’m not eating cake, are you crazy?” IJS

So, I conclude with these thoughts when it comes to infidelity:

Adults make logical decisions where mind, body, and soul are in alignment when making commitments. Just as you commit to love, support, and always be there for your child – you made the decision to be committed to another person and your family.

Do not enter into marriage lightly and do not take your empire for granted. There’s a difference between a king and a jester. A jester moves like a fool for silly pleasure, such are those that commit infidelity. A king thinks and plans his kingdom, making decisions that affect future generations, and stays committed to his empire.

Take responsibility for your role in the demise in a marriage and work to fix what changes have taken place in your marriage that draw you away from your spouse. It’s not everyone else’s job to jump over canyons to make sure your needs are met, you’re also responsible for the success and demise of a relationship.

People always respect a man of honor that can speak truth about a situation. If you don’t want to be with someone man up and tell them that before looking to supplement a relationship part-time. People may be hurt by what you say but the worse dagger in your partner’s heart happens when you practice infidelity.


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    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 5 months ago

      "Most people cheat because they're paying more attention to what they're missing than what they have." Very true!

      In fact I believe the goal of most cheaters is to hold onto all that is "good" in their primary relationship while addressing their other "needs" on the side.

      "If you (don’t want to be with someone) man up and tell them that before looking to supplement a relationship part-time." - They DO want to be with them!

      Generally speaking cheaters are not looking to (replace) one relationship with another. They want to add on or compliment what they already have.

      Cheaters clearly do not believe in accepting the 80/20 rule that no one gets "everything" they want in a relationship.

      Since cheaters do not expect to get caught they see cheating as a solution to fill their void. Whatever they deem to be missing does not rise to the level of being a "deal breaker".

      If it did they would have chosen to leave rather than cheat.

      From their point of view cheating allows them stay or tolerate the things they're unhappy with. It's an escape.

      Sometimes cheaters cheat because it's cheaper than running down the courthouse to file for a divorce, move out of their home into a one bedroom condo, becoming a weekend dad, dividing up assets, friends, and family who choose side...etc (If they don't get caught they're safe) Most cheaters don't believe they will be.

      After some much thought I have reached the conclusion there is no such thing as "karma".

      No matter who you are or what you have done you are going to experience both good times and bad times. That's life!

      We may say the cheater has some bad karma coming to them but what did the betrayed person do to experience their heartache? No one escapes being hurt in this world.