Connecting With Your Wife
Understanding and Meeting your Wife's Emotional Needs
One of the biggest struggles for married couples is understanding where each other is coming from. Men and women having different emotional needs. They also approach the relationship from different angles. This can make it difficult when trying to make a marriage thrive. In this article I want to help men with understanding where their wife is coming from, understanding her emotional needs, and taking steps to meet those needs.
Here, I want you to understand what rewards there are when you meet your wife's emotional needs and what consequences there are for failing to meet her needs. I want to make it clear before we begin that it isn't all on the man. Sometimes, men can give it a great effort to connect with their wife, and the wife not respond in kind. However, more often than not the problem arises when the man fails to relate to his wife.
There are definite rewards when you meet your wife's needs. Here are a few.
Men long to have peace in the home. We hate it when there is tension on any level. Men will do whatever it takes to have peace. They will admit wrong doing, even if they don't believe it. Often, they will say, 'I'm sorry', just to smooth things over. However, there is a better and more permanent way to peace in the home, and that is meeting your wife's emotional needs. She has an emotional tank that must be filled. Many women are running on empty, and are desperate to be satisfied. Husbands, it is our job to fill that tank and bring fulfillment to our wives.
2. Happy wife
It is so frustrating to a man when his wife is cranky. We want our wife to be happy. The problem is that we often don't know why she is so unhappy, or what it takes to turn her attitude around. I think that if you'll do some digging that you will discover that the source of her discontentment might very well be that her emotional needs are going unmet.
3. Great sex
Yes, as men we want a great sexual relationship with our wife. It often alludes us, though. We just don't understand why she won't be involved in the relationship sexually. There are many factors that play into it, but I have discovered that the source of the problem is often that her emotional tank is empty. As men, we can enjoy sex without every other part of our life being just right. But for women, the sexual relationship is directly tied to the rest of the relationship. If you are connecting with her, and really meeting her needs, then the sexual relationship tends to go well. If her needs are going unmet, the reception in the bedroom can seem quite cold.
4. Encouragement from her
It can often anger a man when his wife is negative toward him. It can seem that she is a nag. Again, if her emotional needs are not being met, then she will tend to have a negative outlook on the relationship. If you begin to encourage her, spend time listening to her, and meeting her needs, don't be surprised when she begins to be very positive and encouraging to you as a man.
When a man fails to meet his wife's emotional needs, then a distance between the two develops. There is surface conversation, rather than deep intimate converstations. There is lack of joy in the home. There can also be resentment from the wife. To close the gap, you as the man will need to begin understanding what she needs, then take action to meet those needs.
I could not think of a creative way to say it, but when your wife's needs are going unment, then marriage problems develop. The longer the needs go unmet the more the problems grow. If you are experiencing a crisis in your marriage you might want to consider if you are failing to meet your wife's needs.
If problems go unsolved, then bitterness can take root, and a deep separation begins to occur between the couple. The longer the problems are allowed to grow the deeper the separation. Problems must be dealt with, and forgiveness sought and granted.
4. Death to the marriage
I could have titled this consequence as 'divorce', but there are many marriages that have died where the couple still lives under the same roof. If your wife's needs go unmet, problems develop from that, and bitterness takes root, then the next step is that the marriage dies, often through divorce. If your marriage is at this point, there is hope. It isn't too late to turn things around. There are many happy, thriving marriages where the marriage was on the brink of divorce at one time. That couple took the necessary steps to turn it around.
Understanding and meeting your Wife's Emotional Needs
In this section I will help you identify common needs that women have. However, every woman is different in her emotional makeup. You will need to become a student of your wife, and learn what meets her needs and what makes no difference to her.
Here are some of the common emotional needs that women have. Keep in mind that this is a general list to help get you started. Some of the things listed may apply to your wife, while other needs may not. Too, the way you meet that need will vary depending on your wife's unique makeup.
Women want to be with their man. They enjoy it when we spend time with them. They don't necessarily care about how the time is spent, or how much quality is in the time. They just want to spend as much time as possible with us. So, make an effort to be with your wife. You don't have to do something elaborate. Just be together. In the process of being together a lot, many surprises come along to make the time enjoyable as well.
2. Deep conversation
As men we prefer to keep things on the surface. Nobody gets hurt that way. Nobody, except our wife. Your wife wants to learn who you are. She wants to know your inner thoughts, your struggles, your pain. So, quick, easy answers won't cut it. If she asks about your day, she wants to know all the details. Spending time together allows for these conversations. Since it takes awhile for many men to open up, you might consider spending enough time with your wife to allow time to open up. If you are a woman reading this, I encourage you to make it as safe as possible for your husband to open up, as this will be a struggle for him.
Women feel secure if they know that their husband is watching out for them. Whether it is checking to see if all the doors are locked at night, or taking steps to protect her in another situation, she wants to know that you are going to protect her. By the way, this doesn't just involve physical protection. She needs emotional protection, and protection from people who may be harrassing her or in some way making life difficult for her. You can protect her by standing up to that person and letting them know that your wife is to be treated with respect.
While this could be understood in the point on deep conversation, I listed it separately so that you will understand that your wife wants to know that you are connected with her. When she talks, listen with interest. Be emotionally connected. Men can often be phyically near their wife, but emotionally far away. One way to help you to connect with your wife emotionally is to ensure that you are not connected with another woman emotionally. You can have an affair with another woman without ever having sex with her by being emotionally connected to her. Keep your connections physically, emotionally and in all other areas of your life for your wife only.
Women want to know that no matter what that their husband supports them. When your wife has a bad day, be there for her. Listen to her without judgment or frustration. Support her in any way you can, whether that is verbal, emotional, or other ways of supporting her. Encourage her, rather than yelling at her or blowing her off. Take her struggles seriously.
How often do you praise your wife? Do you speak well of her in front of the children? Are you her biggest fan? If you find it difficult to praise her, start taking notice of all the little things she does well and make a big deal out of it. She will feel emotionally charged from this simple action.
Women thrive on romance. If you aren't very good at romance, there are good books on the market that will give you ideas to romance your wife. I am not talking about sex here. Romance is the action of spend loving time with your wife. It is the action of winning her heart all over again. Though you are married, you still need to win her heart. There are many ways to do this. A simple way to find out is to ask your wife what she likes, then do it. You may not be the romantic type, but your wife wants to be romanced, so become the romantic type.
Again, these are brief, general ideas to get you going in the right direction. There are many ways to meet your wife's needs. It may be giving her gifts, spending time with her, talking, going on an adventure together. Whatever it is, begin now to learn what her emotional needs are, then take the steps to meet those needs. What will happen is that your marriage will thrive and it will be a joy to married to your best friend.