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Control Your Anger Towards Your Spouse

Updated on March 1, 2010

There isn't a relationship out there that is free of issues, not matter how much a couple are in love, they are bound to have their areas of differences.

There are going to be times in your relationship where your spouse will do something to upset you, there are going to be times where your partner doesn't live up to certain expectations you had of them which will cause you to be fraustrated. There will be times where it will feel like you are the one doing all the work in the relationship, there will be times when you will feel like your partner isn't contributing as much to the relationship and as a result you are having to carry more of the responsibility and burden.

There will even be times where your spouse or partner might speak to you with a tone of voice that you don't like or speak to you in a rude manner with a bad attitude.

The tendency is to want to react when such things happen in a relationship, afterall who wants to be in a relationship where everything feels one sided, who wants to be in a relationship where they are the one doing all the giving and the other person is contributing very little, who wants to be in a relationship where they are spoken to in a tone of voice they do not like. It is only human to want to react to these things and give your spouse a piece of your mind to let them know how you feel.

While there is nothing wrong with talking about how you feel, there is a right way and a wrong way to do it. Fighting fire with fire will only increase the flames. Out of anger many have said and done things to their spouse that they later regret and you must remember that your words are like eggs, once you drop an egg you can never gather it back together and its the same thing with speaking and reacting out of anger, once you've had your outburst even if your spouse later forgives you, they will always remember your hurtful words or actions so be careful how you handle yourself in your moment of anger.

There is a wise saying in the bible that he who has master his tongue has mastered his life and that is extremely true. speaking out of anger to your spouse will cause you to say some things that can greatly damage your relationship. Another thing that you need to remember is that, when you are angry you are only seeing things from your point of view so you feel justified but maybe if you took the time to look at things from your partners perspective you might not feel so justified. So before you react in anger, at least try to find out your spouses perspective first to see whether you really have a case or whether you are just overreacting.

There have been plenty of times when I wanted to react angrily to my wife about certain things I wasn't happy with, but I have taught myself to be slow to speak so that I don't end up saying something I shouldn't have. Even though I know she doesn't like it when I'm angry and quiet because she wants me to talk about the problem, but I find that it's better for her to be upset with me for not talking than for her to hate and resent me for saying something really mean to her in a moment of anger which I would later regret anyway.

I find that many people choose to have angry outburst under the excuse that they can help it, when really the problem is not that they cant help it but they don't want to help it, the ability to keep your tongue in a moment of anger is a sign of maturity. There are plenty of ways to sort out problems in a relationship without fighting, yelling, cursing etc.

Learn to make allowances for your partners weaknesses, they are afterall human, only God is perfect. Another thing I do to control myself when I feel like having an angry outburst with my wife is that I think back to all the good things my wife has done for me, how she has stood by me and supported me, I think about all the things I love about her and then I ask myself if its worth ruinning all that because of a moment of misunderstanding - that usually does the trick (maybe you should try doing this the next time your spouse upsets you and you feel like reacting.

Control your anger towards your spouse, don't let your anger control you.


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      Nana 3 years ago

      I find this very useful since I have a problem controlling my anger towards my partner , you said it he is afterall human and bound to make mistakes . Another part I liked the most is looking at all the good things about hints , I instantly decide a small misunderstanding is not enough to throw everything away in anger . Thank you ever so much.

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      vicky 4 years ago

      HELLO to my friends out there i am testifying about the good work of a man who help me it has been hell from the day my husband left me i am a woman with two kids my problem stated when the father of my kids travel i never help he was living but as at two weeks i did not set my eye on my husband i try calling but he was not taken my call some week he call me telling me that he has found love some where easy at first i never take to be serous but day after he came to the house to pick his things that was the time i notice that things is going bad i help he will come back but things was going bad day by day i needed to talk to someone about it so i went to his friend but there was no help so i give it up on him month later i met on the the internet a spell caster i never believe on this but i needed my men back so i gave the spell caster my problem at first i never trusted him so i was just doing it for doing sake but after three day my husband called me telling me that he his coming home i still do not believe but as at the six day the father to my kids came to the house asking me to for give him the spell work to said to my self from that day i was happy with my family thanks to the esango priest of (abamieghe)esango priest he his a great man you need to try him you can as well to tell him your problem so that he can be of help to you his content email is this indeed you are a priest thank you for making my home a happy home again. remember his email is

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      Lavelle 4 years ago

      This passage is awesome..... I saved it as a book mark....for remembrance.....

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      dmak 5 years ago

      But dear, what to do when even you do everything good to her, but she repetadely insult your family (mainly mom-dad).

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      missg 5 years ago

      Good article but, there was need for some form of editing.

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      Mario 6 years ago

      I have done a lot of things to my spouse that I regret and I am relating to ur article. I am going to use ur tips with the hopes that I can save my relationship