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10 Excellent Ways to Cope with Infidelity
How to Cope with Infidelity
How do you cope with infidelity when you find out that your spouse is cheating? What can you do to increase your chances of recovering from infidelity in marriage?
These are some questions some married people who are living with unfaithful spouses ask. In this article, I will give you tips which can help you to cope with infidelity so that you will not make a wreck of your love life. Learning to cope with infidelity will also make you a stronger person who will be capable of dealing with tough challenges that you may face later in life.
So, how do you cope with such a situation?
Remind Yourself That Life is Full of Ups and Downs
One thing you can do to deal with infidelity in a relationship is to remind yourself that married life is not all joy and laughter and therefore you will accept the bad with the good. Reflect on the fact that it is not necessary to be always bubbling and smiling in a marriage but that there are heartaches which come to strengthen you as a person.
Tell yourself that sometimes these heartaches come in unfortunate ways, such as your spouse being unfaithful to you . It will help you to deal with the situation as a mature spouse who is aware of the reality of life and who is prepared to face the reality without becoming an emotional wreck.
Furthermore, take this opportunity to assess your marriage. Identify where you fall short as a spouse and lover, and come up with ideas as to how you can become a better spouse if you resolve your differences with your spouse.
Do Not Let the Situation Dominate You
One way to cope with infidelity in a relationship is to prevent it from dominating you. It may feel challenging to deal with the pain associated with the affair, but you have to put it in its rightful place, which is the past, if you hope to cope with infidelity.
You can stop the situation from dominating you by remembering that life is very short and that you must not forget to keep living. You may have flashbacks of the incident, but anytime that happens, push those negative thoughts out of your mind. Then say something such as, “Each day I wake up, I am one day closer to the grave. I will not let the world just go by because Isaac decided to have an affair. I must enjoy today. I must enjoy my life today and hope that tomorrow will be better than today.”
So, when questions such as, “How do I cope with my husband’s infidelity?’ or “How do I cope with my wife’s infidelity?” arise in your mind, just say to yourself, “I know what I will do. I will live!”
Then, go out and have fun. Talk to friends or go to a zoo and watch the animals. Alternatively, take a boat ride on a serene lake and admire nature or sit under a tree and listen to birds singing. Be grateful that you are alive.
Choose to Be Patient
Patience is the choice you make to endure situations that irritate you and annoy you. It is the skill of bearing trials and afflictions without giving up on life. It is the ability to face hardship and to accept disappointment and to respond with grace even when your spouse does not appreciate you and becomes unfaithful to you.
Choosing to be patient will help you to analyze the big picture so that you will not make hasty decision which you will regret later. For example, it will prevent you from deciding to divorce your spouse when you know you still love him.
So, condition your mind to accept that fact that you will be patient. Talk to yourself with words such as, “I will be patient. This is not the end of the world and this is not the end of my life. If Isaac does not love me, I love myself. I will control myself. There are better days ahead of me and I will not destroy myself with impatience and anger.” Doing this will help you to calm down, you can think constructively about your life and your future, and it will help you to go about your daily activities with peace in your heart.
Longsuffering is the quality that makes you restrain yourself so that you do not retaliate even when you are being provoked sorely. Deciding to be longsuffering will prevent you from taking retaliatory action against your spouse.
So, make up your mind that you will not also have an affair to get even with your spouse. Decide to take things one day at a time and keep talking to your spouse. Draw his attention to what he is doing to the marriage and let him know how what he is doing is affecting you. However, do not make your concerns known in a bitter manner , but in a respectful manner.
Cultivate Joy in Your Heart
Joy is the ability to make yourself happy inspite of negative circumstances all around you. It is a deep inner radiance of the soul, an inner satisfaction in your body. It is the ability to create an entertaining atmosphere around yourself so that you will not fret, worry, and become discouraged and depressed. It is one good way to cope with depression after infidelity.
You can create joy by singing inspirational songs to yourself or by listening to inspirational speeches. Therefore, as you drive to your office, play your favorite motivational song. Listen to the words and let them encourage you. Alternatively, listen to motivational speeches by your favorite motivational speakers when you wake up in the morning so that you can put yourself in a positive mood to face the day.
Encourage Yourself with Positive Words
Speak words that will lift your spirit and make you feel that all is not lost. Doing this will help you to cope with stress after infidelity because it will help you to fill yourself with positive energy, and wherever there is positivity, there cannot be negativity and worry and stress.
Thus, when you wake up in the morning, pump yourself up with positivity by saying something such as, “Today, I will not worry about the affair Isaac had. I will not think about it. Today is going to be a great day. I am about to have a wonderful day. I will dominate all negative thoughts today. Everything will be fine today.”
When you come home in the evening too, say to yourself, “I have made it through this day successfully. I have life at the end of the day and that is great. Tomorrow will even be better than today. I look forward to greater things tomorrow and even greater things the day after tomorrow.” Keep looking forward to positive things every day. Make this a habit and you will not have any space in your mind to worry about the affair. In addition, it will make the emotional wound which was inflicted on you by your spouse to heal quickly.
Associate with People Who Will Make You Feel Great
Certain friends and family members may delight to refer to the affair at any given opportunity out of spite or because they are happy to see you going through a rough time. This will hurt, especially when such friends or family members are getting on well with their spouses. As a result, you can feel miserable, and it can cause you to become depressed.
Therefore, be careful who you associate with, when you are coping with infidelity or going through the recovery process. Carefully choose to spend time with people who will not make references to the affair at every given opportunity, to make you feel bad. Such people will help you to forget the ordeal quickly because they will not bring back the painful ordeal to your mind often.
Do Not Compare Yourself to Others
You may feel like pitying yourself when you meet your friends and they talk about all the wonderful things they are doing with their spouses. Furthermore, you may feel ashamed and think you are a failure when you visit social media and see your loved ones looking happy with their families.
Therefore, decide that you will not compare yourself to anyone, when you are struggling to cope with infidelity. See yourself as a unique individual with your own unique experiences. Say something such as, “I came into the world alone and I will leave it alone. I am not in competition with anyone. I am me and I am happy with my life. Friends and family will die with nothing just as I will also leave the world with nothing. They are not better than me in any way. I will also have happy days again. Things will turn around and I will also be happy. I will not let my circumstances discourage me. The downfall of a man (or a woman) is not the end of his life,” when you feel as though you are being left out of the fun.
Exhibit Agape Love to Your Spouse
Agape love is a passion to honor God the Creator who hates divorce, and to seek the highest welfare of every human being. It is an attitude which reveals itself in action and seeks the best for another person regardless of how the other person treats us.
When you exhibit agape, it will help you to keep your anger in check so that you will not suffer from the negative effects of anger, such as heart disease. Furthermore, showing agape love to your spouse can cause him to reflect on his attitude and he may change his behavior and love you with a deeper love than he had for you before.
You can exhibit agape love for your spouse by
- continuing to love him or her despite their behavior;
- devoting your energy to the welfare of your spouse rather than to your own welfare;
- absorbing insults and humiliation from him without complaining;
- seeking the highest and best good for your spouse (you will not wish that he will be sacked from his job but wish that he will be promoted); and
- continuing to treat your spouse with respect and decorum.
Touch Your Friends and Family Often
Research has shown that when you touch people, such as when you hold their hands, stroke their cheek, pat them on the back, or put your arms around them, it can make you feel happy so that you can deal with sad situations better. When you feel happy, you can handle your responsibilities at home better and you can also work at the office with peace of mind.
Therefore, shake hands with your friends and family when you meet them. Hold their hands, stroke their cheeks, put your hand around their waist, put your hands on their shoulders, and give them long, friendly hugs. It will remind you that you are still loved by some people even if your spouse does not love you.
How to Survive Infidelity and Restore Your Relationship
You may want to get back together with your spouse and continue with the relationship after your spouse has an affair, if you have broken up. What are some of the things you can do ensure that your marriage works again?
Research has shown that when you pray for your spouse, it can make him stay faithful to you. Therefore, pray for your husband or wife every day, after the infidelity. You may pray a prayer such as, “Dear Father, thank you for my life and for the life of Isaac. We have a come a long way, but we still have a long way to go. We are facing a challenge and we need Your help so that our marriage can give you glory. I have to cope with the infidelity of a husband because Isaac is losing focus and has been cheating of late. Please help him to realize that he is disrespecting You by breaking the vows he made to me in front of You when we had our wedding. Help him to repent so that we can restore this relationship. In addition, help me to cope with the resentment after the infidelity for I feel very bitter towards Isaac. Father, coping with this infidelity is not easy, but I am counting on you to help us. Amen.”
You can take it even a step further by praying together with your spouse. This will help you to get over infidelity in a marriage. Moreover, it will help the two of you bond better so that you can rebuild your relationship again.
Remind Each Other of the Incident Regularly
From time to time, remind each other of the infidelity of your spouse. Laugh over it and talk about the way you have overcome the adversity and are still together. See what happened to you as a positive thing that helped you to learn lessons about life, and not as a negative occurrence. It is a great way to overcome infidelity in a relationship.
Overcome Infidelity and Build Marriage Trust
Put the incident behind you and work on rebuilding the trust that was eroded when your spouse cheated. Co-operate with your spouse by making compromises and giving concessions. Furthermore, find it in your heart to forgive your spouse and try never to use the affair to embarrass him. This will make it easier for him to try to be loyal to you.
To cope with infidelity in a marriage, prevent it from dominating you, and cultivate positive qualities that will make you restrain yourself from acting in a manner that will make you regret later. Moreover, encourage yourself, seek the encouragement of positive minded people as well as the help of Almighty Jehovah. All this will help you to survive the infidelity so that you can get your marriage back on track.
How to Cope with Infidelity
Do you think you can forgive your spouse if he has an affair?
© 2017 Isaac Yaw Asiedu Nunoofio