- Gender and Relationships
Coping With The "Dreaded Unwelcome Guest Monster"
Open your eyes
My sweet girl, these "guests," and I use the term loosely, are to me, living under a more fitting definition: Parasites. People who suck the very life out of you and your parties no matter if they are small get together's or a special meeting like this one you have spent most of the day planning.
Attention "Unwelcome Guests":
See the photo above? Well, take a moment and inspect the look on the lady's face. Know what it is? It is the look of sheer, unadulterated disgust. Not at how loud the guests are talking or how many drinks have been spilled, but at YOU, the uninvited guest.
Do you really think that what you are doing is anything near civil behavior? Have you ever really stopped and looked at what you are doing by "crashing" every neighorhood party you can find?
Maybe it's time that you did.
You work like a pack mule for almost an entire day to make your home look just right for this night. You have invited your very close friends and their families to meet at your house for a quiet, intimate party to just catch up, talk, and enjoy each others company.
Some of your guests graduated high school and college with you. Some even stuck by you during your first marriage that "went south." And some of these wonderful people were with you every step of the way during the birth of your two children. You are a very blessed person to have friends of this caliber.
You normally buy a moderate amount of chips, pretzels and other party snacks, but tonight is special. You almost max-out your credit card on the finest wines, imported beer, and other expensive fixings to make your guests feel special. And if they have any sense of appreciation, they will worship you for going all out for them when they arrive at your house.
And as the evening nears, you take extra pains in choosing your wardrobe for you want to look your best for this soiree. Over the years you and these special friends have went though everything together and stuck by each other thus cementing great friendships.
But, and I even hate to write this, for although you are a fictional woman in my story, it is not my intention to hurt your feelings, but I have to inject a dose of reality here. I cannot, with a good conscience, publish a piece that is strictly of story land text.
So I need to step back and warn you about
Recognizing, standing up to the "Unwelcome Guest Monster"
It's not that tough. I give them a bit of credit for their blending skills are almos top notch. They dress nicely, look good and even talk correctly, but just as soon as your party kicks into high gear, their disguises (skins, as in snakes) come off. You can spot them clear across your spacious living room. But you, a very sensitive and tolerant woman, cannot bring yourself to tell them to leave for you love life and life forms and your friends love this about you.
- The "Dreaded Unwelcome Guest Monster," will slither in and out of various groups of your friends during the party and without you knowing it, they will eat and drink you "out of house and home." These freeloaders never bring anything, not one crumb, not one coupon to any of your parties. Why haven't you talked to them in a nice way and inform them that although you appreciate their lives, they were not invited to any of your parties you threw last year.
- A few of the ways to distinguish the "Dreaded Unwelcome Guest Monster," is they convene around the dining table and load their plates as if they have not seen a square meal in weeks. Why do they do this? I do not pretend to know. I suppose they get an adrenaline rush from getting away with showing up at your house and gorging themselves on your fixings. This is all I can figure.
- Some males of the "Dreaded Unwelcome Guest" group think to themselves that they are wonderful dancers, conversationalists, and all around "social specialists." These guys hold nothing back when they down a few drinks and what little self-discipline "goes down the tubes," for any woman, married or single, is fair game while they try to operate and try to impress these lovely women with their limited wisdom of whatever topic is on the table.
Is it appropriate to stand your ground?
- You bet it is. I know and your friends know just how sweet and caring you are, but after three years of being treated like a welcome mat, don't you think that it's time for you to stand up to the "Dreaded Unwelcome Guest Monster?" You cannot give me one logical argument on why you cannot execute a nice-but-civil, "excuse me. Who invited you to this event?" Would that be so tough? If you are truly honest with yourself (and me, your creator), you will answer no.
I see your not wanting to hurt these "Unwelcome Guest Monsters'" feelings, but listen. Unless you are made of money, can you really afford to keep feeding these opportunists each time you want to have a party for you and your closest friends? I think not.
The illusion is too great
- In closing, I want to point out to you that you have somehow been deceived by something "these" freeloaders have said to you in the past, maybe some soft-soaped compliment, that caused you to not tell them to go home or maybe you feel obligated to let them trod in mud on your new flooring because someone whispered "these poor homeless people," and that did it. You chaired a committee years ago to form a foundation to help the homeless so naturally you have a soft spot in your heart for "these" social invaders.
- Stop buying into the lie that it is not appropriate in 2016 to be firm and hold onto what is yours. I am not advocating that you be a butt about this invasion of people you hardly know. I am just telling you that you do not have to put up with this type of social abuse any longer.
- I only ask you one favor: Spend a little time tonight or tomorrow, depending on when you read this, and do some serious thinking about being "the" woman who stood for her own home and won. I appreciate it.
- For if you do not take the initiative to tell "these" folks to "hit the bricks," a germ of resentment toward "these" people will start to grow inside of you and it will only grow bigger as time goes by and one day you might lose your judgement and say harsh things to "these" people and you will regret it later.
I only did this for this reason: "For years I have always pulled for the underdog."
Good night, Des Moines, Iowa.
© 2016 Kenneth Avery