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- Romantic Intimacy
Could Role-Playing Enhance Your Love Life?
A man and a woman lock eyes in a smoky bar. The woman is dressed to impress - and maybe more. She smiles. He walks up and they exchange names. He asks if he can buy her a drink. She accepts. They drink a few drinks together and engage in some very not-so-innocent flirting. She drains her last drink and looks him directly in the eyes. Boldly, she asks if he would like to come back to her place, because her husband is out of town for the weekend. He says he would. The bartender notices that both are wearing wedding bands. In fact, they are indeed both married - to each other.
We've all been there: you want to try something new but you're not sure what to try, how to bring it up, or how it will be received. You're not sure it's worth the risk. You'll never know unless you try, though, and there's no reason it needs to be scary. The truth is that boredom in long-term relationships is not uncommon at all. It isn't really boredom, exactly. It's more that excitement has given way to being comfortable. The fiery passion that relationships start out with usually evolves over time. This is totally normal, but it's not always something we want to happen. We might begin to worry that our partner does not find us attractive anymore, or worse, we might find our own thoughts turning to other prospective partners. This can be - and usually is - innocent at first, but it can become a problem very quickly if one partner chronically feels unfulfilled, lonely or doesn't feel wanted.
Have you ever tried role-playing?
We are human beings. We have needs and we are attracted to pretty things. We are attracted to things that make us feel alive, excited, wanted and loved. Role-playing brings the mystery and the excitement of something new and unknown back to the relationship. It can loosen inhibitions and help people relax, because it is often easier to push the boundaries and try new things when you are pretending to be someone else. Role-playing opens up a new world of possibilities and it's a way to really bring creativity into the bedroom. Role-playing often brings a playful element back into the bedroom as well. This enhances intimacy and reinforces the relationship as a whole. And it should! It should be fun - it's play!
Keeping the passion and excitement alive not only ensures your relationship meets all of these needs, but it's a whole lot of fun. Role-playing is only limited by your imagination, so get creative! Here are a few guidelines to follow if you need some help introducing something new into your sexual relationship.
1. Don't be afraid!
It's natural to feel awkward when you're bringing up something, especially if it's not something you've done before or if you aren't the assertive type. That's OK. Just remember who you are talking to. This is your partner, the person who has seen you at your absolute worst. What could be worse than that? Your partner is probably much more open to suggestion than you might think. If you're too shy to say it face to face, try whispering in your partner's ear. Nothing is sexier than that. If saying it out loud makes you nervous, try writing a sexy note. Be sure to say exactly what it is you are interested in trying. If you want to play Cable Man & The Housewife, or Teacher & Student, or Queen & Her Knight... be specific! Foreplay should start before you ever touch each other.
2. Approach it the right way.
Part of the reason bringing up change in the bedroom can be so difficult is because people are afraid that it will come out sounding like, "I'm bored with you" or "I don't find you attractive anymore." It certainly could sound like that, so it all depends on how you approach it. Obviously the words bored and boring should not be used. The word exciting can be used, in the context of saying something like, "I get really excited when I think of you dressed that way," or something similar. Above all, however you phrase it, the main point to get across is that the reason you want to try something new is because you want to add to an already-good thing, not because you are trying to supplement or replace something that is lacking. Once your partner realizes this not the case, they will relax and so will you. Try not to get defensive if your partner questions you about why you are interested in something (it's new to your partner, too, don't forget) and in the end, if your partner says no, there are other ways to enhance your relationship.
3. Remember that it's OK to feel silly or nervous.
Role-playing can take some getting used to, so it's OK to feel silly or nervous at first. Just remember, it's fantasy! It's supposed to be fun! You're acting out a role and you can be anything or anyone you want to be. It's OK if you laugh or make jokes. It's all about enhancing the experience with your partner and it should never feel forced or seriously uncomfortable. If it does feel forced, or you are uncomfortable to the point that you feel degraded or can't enjoy it, be sure to let your partner know. It may be that a different scenario or game would be better. No one should have to participate in something that makes them feel degraded or that they truly don't like.
4. Talk to your partner about what you both expect.
The best way to ensure that your fantasies come true is to talk to each other. What are you expecting? What is your partner expecting? Is your role supposed to be more aggressive or more romantic? Is there something specific that should be worn or said? Is there a specific place one of you has been thinking about? It helps to iron the details out beforehand, and it can be really fun to talk about. Just remember that it does not have to planned out to the littlest detail. Spontaneity is half the fun!
5. It's OK if you don't like it.
Role-playing is not for everybody, so it's OK if you try it and find that you don't really like it. Hey, you tried something new. You gave it a shot and that is what really matters. It's the thought that counts, and the effort that should be appreciated. There are so many ways to enhance your sexual relationship with your partner. Sexual role-playing is only one of them.