Cutting Down on the Heartache: Helpful Advice Towards Better Relationships!
Something has to give!
A good relationship is tough to find and even tougher to maintain. There are those who aren't even lucky enough to get that far. But, for those that are, we know that even a great relationship can fall apart eventually. This usually attributes to one thing: Something has changed. The two of you started out with something that was built on solid ground but, in the end, the whole thing just ends up collapsing. A majority of the time, reconciliation ends up being a complete bust. So after some personal collection time, if either party chose to take any, you begin to ease yourself back out on the "so called" market. Of course, these are the times where quite a few of us have our share of what I like to call "regretables" (people that fall under the categories of what was I thinking, what was I drinking, what was I smoking, I couldn't have smoked that damn much, I couldn't have drank that damn much, I should have never let him or her set me up with this person and then drank or smoked on top of it, etc). But, we get past that, alot of times without repercussions, and most of us eventually find someone else that seems to have potential but, even that eventually goes south for whatever reason. Here's the thing: Change may not always be the problem! It may be the answer! Below, are a few tips that may help cut down on future heartbreaks and may even help you discover some things about yourself in the process. Take these into consideration before you jump into your next relatinship, get serious again, or however it applies to you. Ready:
Patience is always a virtue. There are those who don't want to be alone so they rush into being in or looking for their next relationship. Some people don't even know they have this problem. Think about your dating track record and determine if you are one of them. If not, you should keep reading anyway. If so, learn to have patience. Finding love is not the most important thing in the world. Learn how to be by yourself first. If you can't be by yourself, you most likely won't be able to be with anyone else in a longterm sense, at least not in a healthy relationship. Get to know you because at the end of everyday, that's the main person who matters.
Maybe your choices suck
Have you noticed that with each relationship you get in, the same thing always tend to happen (You get cheated on, physically or verbally abused, you get paid little to no attention, used for money or sex, etc)? You start telling your girlfriends or homeboys that, "there are no good men or women out here". "They all suck". Well, actually, it's probably your choice in men or women that sucks! Seriously, if your getting the same crappy men or women over and over again, do you really think that everyone else is the problem? If so, you may need professional theropy. You are getting the same crap because you are continually attracting and/or making the same crappy ass choices in mates. And it's amazing that some people don't and won't realize this about themselves (Yes, I know don't and won't don't belong in the same sentence. I just did it again, lol). But, if you are fortunate enough to recognize this as a flaw of yours, try stepping out of your usual dating box. It's filled with crap anyway, right? Who knows, Mr. or Mrs. right may be in a direction that you never thought to look in before. At best, you may find what you REALLY want in a relationship. At worst, you get more crap but, probably not worse than what you were getting before! Try.
You have gut feelings and instincts for a reason
Being cautions and having doubts are one thing but, if your gut or instincts are telling you that something is wrong, you may want to listen! That goes for potential relationships and relationships in progress. You may end up saving yourself alot of pain later.
Again, you should be the most important person to you (unless you have a child or children) before and after any relationship. This is your show! Dictate it and run it!!
Let the past stay in the past
I had a bad problem with this one, lol! Ex's are ex's for a reason. There is a reason that the two of you aren't together anymore! Now, in very few cases, two ex's can find each other again and make it work the second time around. Maybe the timing was wrong the first time around or something. That is very, very, very few cases!! But, in most cases, if it didn't work the first time around, chances are they aren't going to work this or any other time. Stop trying to relive those old feelings again. Let them stay in the past where they belong and keep moving foward with your life, not backwards. It's good to reminisce about an old love but, make sure you reminisce about everything. The good and the bad! Again, there is a reason you two aren't together! If there wasn't, you wouldn't be ex's.
Learn from failed relationships
Every failed relationship has a lesson or two you can take with you. Take them and apply them. It won't assure you a successful relationship the next time around but, at least you shouldn't make the same mistake twice. I hope not!
And no that doesn't mean ask God for a man or woman! That is tacky. Ask God to bless you with happiness. Be sincere when you pray. If it is meant for you, it will come.
The Most Important Advice
Stop caring so much. It will come when it comes. We as people tend to think too much which leads to much added stress. Live your life and love you and what is dear to you. Fuck everything else. I understand that a lot of people cant just stop caring overnight. Start by taking it day by day and just telling yourself that "Im living for me today." Its a process but after while it gets so much easier.
I hope you found this somewhat helpful. I picked alot all of this up along the way on my turbulant journies through my own relationships and I thought I would share them. One thing I left out is to take the time and get to know people. Don't rush. If it is meant to be, it won't go anywhere. But most importantly, take care of yourself first. Thanks for reading! Ill be back later.