- Gender and Relationships
DANCE for Your Coffee!
Dance For Your Coffee
How it all began...
I met my husband while working as a bartender in a hotel in 2003. I would dance as I mixed and served drinks. If I was not too busy I would sometimes dance with a patron or two but mostly I would dance with the bar towel behind the bar - silly dances - towel twirls and often to that country bar song "T-R-O-U-B-L-E" when it came roaring through the speakers. That's when the silly dances would begin.
Many times I would walk into my mother's home only to have her quickly put Tina Turner's Proud Mary song on and turn it up loudly. Laughingly she'd say, "Come on! Please do that funny dance." Yeah that was one of my funniest dances and even Tina would have laughed if she saw it.
Dancing just came natural in in my life and I have always loved to dance to all types of music. People who know me personally will say that I am a bit lively. I love to dance and joke. I feel the happiest when I am dancing and it doesn't matter if I am at home alone dancing because I am never alone. Dancing just feels wonderful to my spirit and if I could dance non-stop forever I would.
TO DANCE OR NOT TO DANCE?
It is just a 'no-brainer' to my husband that I love to dance! He only slow-dances and as a rule I only slow dance with my husband - as it should be. He says that he has absolutely no coordination to fast dance. He is an 'Elaine' from Seinfeld dancer. Do you remember her?
I find it very interesting that a man who can not dance and does not like to dance would actually force me to dance for my coffee every morning. I am dead serious - he does. It has become a morning routine of laughter...kind of.
He asked me what I was going to write about today and I told him "You dear. I am going to tell the whole world that you force me to dance for my coffee every morning." He gave me that look that he always gives me. He is never quite sure if I am joking and that is just the way I prefer it. Oh, this is no prank dear. Hardly.
What type of pranks do I pull on him to keep him on his toes? Last week he had a federal agent showing up to the house for an interview - a serious one. A few minutes before his arrival I came out to to the living-room wearing my plastic, fake jeweled, dollar store New Year's crown on my head and very seriously said, "Okay...I'm ready."
That should give you an idea. :)
A Quick Video of Mr. JG Dancing
My Kitchen Floor is the Dance Floor.
I Am Not An Early Riser
It is a tradition in our home for years that Mr. JG makes the coffee in the morning. He is the early riser and I am the not so much.
It is the fondest memories of the most simple things that brings love unexpectedly. The smell of coffee brewing and waking me up has always made me think of him and his love, especially when he and I were separated.
The laughter begins each morning like clockwork. The smell of coffee often awakens me but should this not happen? There is no failing for the human alarm clock to arrive at my bedside. This man shows up like a drill instructor and yanks my warm blanket down from my face. Then he proceeds to torment me with those words that I love to hate.
"Are you ready to dance for your coffee?"
I sit up dazed and he quickly disappears. His disappearing is very similar to when I hide in the closets and he knows that I am hiding somewhere to scare him. I know that he is out there and he is waiting with some twisted anticipation of forcing me to 'dance for my coffee.' It is sick I tell you - just plain sick.
Sometimes he even hits the spoon on the mug. Oh how I hate that annoying little ding sound. He stands in the kitchen and waits for me.
I tell him that I am not dancing for my coffee yet I am still forced to do so. I even tell him that I am going to do very bad things to him but he continues to laugh and then says "Dance".
Some of those bad things are painting his finger and toe nails pink when he sleeps. I will never reveal the rest of my secrets...unless you can get me out of this dancing.
Doomed to dance for my coffee forever
It all started over a little drip and a spastic dance
This all started over a year ago due to a little drip of my coffee on the kitchen floor. I was attempting to walk it to my desk but I didn't get far. Okay - in truth it wasn't a little drop - it was more like an inch or two off the top.
He was wiping the coffee from the floor as I stood there brain dead with glazed over eyes staring at him. He laughed and told me that because I 'crab walk' in the morning that he will walk my coffee to my desk from now on. I just stood there with a blank face. I was barely computing what he was saying.
As he began to remake my coffee and he continued to chatter, I was behind him trying to wake myself up. Yes, I was dancing and he'd caught me.
Now this was not my usual rhythmic dancing which looks lovely and graceful. This was a dance that nightmares are made of. Him and I would make perfect dance partners in the morning. I am a worse dancer than Elaine and at least she doesn't fall over or fall into counters and the stove.
He turned around to catch me dancing the most unbalanced, uncoordinated, grotesque dance that he has ever seen from me. This time I was not joking or trying to be funny and he knew it. He laughed out loud.
"Are you trying to dance to wake yourself up? Oh that's great. You look like you are having a spasm. Oh that's funny. You are going to start dancing for your coffee from now on."
I thought he would have spilled my coffee that day from his laughter. He laughed all the way through the house carrying my coffee as I crab walked - two or three steps sideways for every step forward- behind him with deep regret that I had ever spilled that dang coffee.
He was true to his words because each and everyday since that little drip of coffee and that spastic dance, I now have to dance for my coffee each morning. It is our morning ritual unfortunately. How does one get out of dancing for their coffee?
His reasons for carrying my coffee to my desk each morning was simple and matter of fact. He said, "An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure."
Now doesn't even that just make you want to vomit?
My Full Body Dry Heave set to no music each morning
Black Ops Ninja
If I try to trick him and I purposely wait for him to get tired of waiting for me and leave - it doesn't work. He sees me anyways. I will be quietly attempting to make my own coffee and he just shows up like a black-ops-ninja.
"Oh no! Oh no you don't" He screams at the top of his voice. Yes, he is actually tearing through the house at top speed towards me.
This coffee authority is nearly breaking his neck to get into the kitchen and stop me. You would think that I was preparing a meth-lab that was going to blow up the entire neighborhood instead of preparing a cup of coffee.
"You are not getting out of dancing! Put it down! Put it down! Put it down now!"
Every morning I am barely awake and it feels as if I am being brought down by some psycho-coffee cop with a vendetta.
One day I got as far as putting everything quietly into my cup except for the sugar when out of nowhere he arrived. He pounced into the kitchen and took me down. He snatched that sugar spoon quickly from my hand and he boldly stated that it didn't count. He threw the sugar inside my cup and quickly stirred. "Now dance."
I believe that this must be his favorite part of the day. I can be sure of it by the grin on his face each morning as he commands me to dance for my coffee.
He is one sick coffee barista.
Even a Champion Winner still has to dance each morning
Do You Have To Dance For Your Coffee In the Morning?
I am sure that married couples everywhere have their strange little lingo, weird nicknames, and probably some cute little quips going on privately between each other...but this? Who would make their little darling dance for their coffee so early in the morning?
I have tried begging and pleading not to have to dance. I have tried sneaking in while he is away. I have even tried going without my morning coffee but nothing works to get me out of this dancing. Could I possibly break a leg and then I will not have to dance? No. You don't know my husband.
He would just stand with my coffee cup tight in his grip and say "Shake it off. Shake it off. Now dance!"
This is the same man who on a road trip will not pull over for anyone to go to the bathroom or to get a drink. "You will drink when the car drinks." He is a Neanderthal I tell you. Yes, if you are in our car you will have to wear your depends for the ride.
The only morning that I did not have to dance was long ago and it was after a very heated debate the night before. He looked at my face as I stumbled into the kitchen the next morning and he said, "You don't have to dance this morning for your coffee."
Oh wow. Now isn't that so nice and generous? He gave me a one day reprieve as some consolation prize even though I was the one who won that fight. Ha! I was the title winner and that should have meant something correct? Nope. I had to dance the very morning after that... and every day since then.
Do I need to fight him in the boxing ring each night so I don't have to dance for my coffee in the morning? Sounds too tiring and full of drama for someone like me.
I am a very resourceful person but I have not been successful in stopping this "Dance for your coffee' charade that is going on in our house every morning.
Do I have to die to stop this dance for your coffee game?
How can I get out of dancing for my coffee each morning?
Do you have a suggestion that does not include murdering someone? I am going to seriously do very bad things to him if this continues.
Very Bad Things are Coming to Mr JG...Very Bad Things!
He told the teller that I am a clown! What?
He walked in from the grocery store after I was finished writing this article. He proceeded to tell me a story of the 'clowns red nose' that he'd given me a few days ago. It is a spongy red nose that he received from the grocery store for donating money for some 'benefit' for children. He walked in the house wearing it and then gave the 'clown' her gift for the day.
He began chitter-chatting and stating that he was standing in line at the same grocery store today and a man in front of him was inquiring of the 'red nose' and if it actually stayed on the nose. My husband chimed in loudly and said, "Oh yes my wife wears it all the time and it stays on." He proceeded to tell me that everyone including the teller stopped what they were doing and stared at him when he said that.
I shop in that store often. Oh yes, I am going to do some very bad things to him...very bad things and very soon.