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My Dad is Dating Someone My Age - What Do I Do?

Updated on October 6, 2011

Is your dad dating someone much younger than he is, perhaps someone near your own age? This is more common than you may think.

If you have a parent who is starting to date again, it can be a little hard, but when you find out that your father is not only dating, but he's dating someone who's around your age, it's a whole new story.

Whether you're mother has passed or your parents' marriage ended in divorce, seeing your parents date is going to be hard. You want to be supportive. You want your father to be happy, and you have to realize that he doesn't need your approval in who he chooses to date.

With that said, it's going to suck when your dad finally tells you that he's dating someone younger than he is, much less close to your age.

You may encounter many different emotions, such as anger, confusion, sadness, and concern, but ultimately, it's not your call. It's not your decision to make. Remember that your father watched your date people who he probably disagreed with, but he let you make those mistakes on your own (not to say that your father dating someone your age is a mistake).

This being said, all I can say is no matter how close or distant you and your father are, be honest and open. Express your feelings, and make sure that you've made your thoughts clear. Then, unfortunately, you have to let it go. Say what you have to say so that it's no longer on your chest, but it's your father's decision as to who he will and will not date.

Keep in mind that it's not uncommon for older men to date younger women. No matter what the situation is, it's going to be weird for you to see your dad with someone other than your mom, much less with someone close to your age.

In some cases, older men are enamored and excited about the younger woman. In many cases, the older man gets bored with the larger age difference, as he is may be in a different point in life than the younger woman. In these cases, you just have to wait it out. But, in some cases, the relationship may stick.

I, for one, work with someone who's father married someone 20-ish years younger than her father. My co-worker is right around the same age as her dad's new wife. My friend has half-brothers who are 5 and 9 years old, when her own children are 17 and 19 years old.

In some cases, you just have to deal with it. You dad only wants to be happy. In some cases, happiness may lie in the hands of a younger woman, and in other cases, the younger woman is only a phase.

It may creep you out that your dad is dating someone your age. It may cause you to become stressed or a little depressed. It may even cause you to become anxious when you have to see your father and his new girlfriend.

There's nothing you can do but to be honest and open with your father.

You will need time to process the new situation, and you'll need to explain that to him. If you need this time, explain to your father that you may not be able to see him and his new, younger girlfriend together in the beginning, but eventually, you may just have to deal with it.

It's hard to say what you're going to feel or how you will act to your dad dating someone your age, but you're going to have to feel out the situation and act accordingly. Be an adult about the situation; the more childish you act, the more it may backfire on you.

Age is relative. It's not your call... Voice your opinion. Be honest. Be open. Let it go until the relationship is played out.

Talk to friends and family, but don't gossip or talk bad about your dad or his new girlfriend; leave it at your side and your feelings.

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    • profile image

      wendy 

      2 months ago

      My father's girlfriend is my age and she has young kids from 2 other marriages. I don't really care about the age, cuz I don't have to be around them. Whatever he wants to do, it's his mistakes and choices to make. However, my father seems to have this image that I and my adult siblings should meet her and we can all be one big happy clan. None of us want that. He has always had a problem with putting himself in other people's shoes.

    • profile image

      Ellie 

      2 years ago

      I am Italian and I find it totally unacceptable. I would not talk to my father anymore.

    • profile image

      Ash 

      4 years ago

      My dads doing the same thing he says they are just friends but I know they are more and it grosses me out. I have told him how I feel and he doesn't really care but she is getting him into doing things that are actually illegal, I don't like her she's a major whore, I was happy for him until I found out she was a few months younger than I am. Idk it's fucked up,

    • Philipo profile image

      Philipo 

      7 years ago from Nigeria

      It is a common occurrence everywhere. In fact, the younger girls these days prefer older men who they believe will take care of them. Sometimes you may see girls dating and even getting married to men old enough to be their fathers.

    • GmaGoldie profile image

      Kelly Kline Burnett 

      7 years ago from Madison, Wisconsin

      My first husband who died when I was young, was double my age. I am that women. I never doubted the relationship until after he died and his son came to visit. I had this melancholy and for the first time wondered IF he would have been better off with a women his age. I expressed my feelings openly to his son who is 8 years my senior and loves calling me Mom and Grandmother and now yes, Great Grandmother. He stated he never saw his father so happy as when he was with me.

      Keep an open mind. Judging is a human error that we must guard against. Continue to be protective but always, always be happy for your loved one's happiness.

    • profile image

      SanXuary 

      7 years ago

      A lot of older men who date younger women are progressive people. For example they never got stuck listening to the same music in the eighties but kept buying new music to this day. Because they moved on and kept learning new things they often find women and all people for the most part in their age group to be dull and unrewarding. Often times these same people consider them immature simply because they have no desire to be Mr Jones next door. These men of course gravitate towards more open minded people and those who desire better stability from a mature person will gravitate towards them. In most cases age has nothing to do with it, some of us just have a greater desire to live a long mid life and consider ourselves old when we drop dead.

    • Sinea Pies profile image

      Sinea Pies 

      7 years ago from Northeastern United States

      This would have to be really strange. My dad is a widower. If he found a really nice, devoted wife who made him happy I don't think the age difference would bother me, as long as she wasn't YOUNGER than me! LOL

    • johncimble profile image

      johncimble 

      7 years ago from Bangkok

      as long as he is happy i think it's a good thing tho :)

    • Victoria Lynn profile image

      Victoria Lynn 

      7 years ago from Arkansas, USA

      You're right in that people just have to accept those things. I know several couples (myself included) that have large age differences, and it works well. We never can know what pulls two people together. Good hub! Useful and interesting!

    • dahoglund profile image

      Don A. Hoglund 

      7 years ago from Wisconsin Rapids

      Such age difference used to be quite common in our society when mortality rates were higher for women. At least I think that was the case.

    • randomcreative profile image

      Rose Clearfield 

      7 years ago from Milwaukee, Wisconsin

      Great advice for anyone who is in this situation.

    • tamron profile image

      tamron 

      7 years ago

      I am 17 years younger than my husbands he has a son and I am only 5 yrs older than his son. Me in his son are best of friends! Vote Up!

    • Donald1960 profile image

      Donald 

      7 years ago from United States

      That is life. It is very hard for child in this situation, but if that is happy solution for father to find someone who can love and live go fir it. In this modern type of living difference between ages are not so important.

    • Admiral_Joraxx profile image

      Admiral_Joraxx 

      7 years ago from Philippines

      It's bizarre to look at but very common in our society. Well, we cannot dictate people to behave as we please. If we don't like it, then we better just keep our eyes out of it and mind our own business. Age doesn't really matter, but the intentions within. The best thing that you can do for the moment is to connect and know deeper that person who is aspiring to be a part of your lives.

    • dallas93444 profile image

      Dallas W Thompson 

      7 years ago from Bakersfield, CA

      Perhaps hug your dad and congradulate him. Life is a process. Should we be "judges?" Today in the news a "royalty" lady in Spain married a commoner 20 years her junior! Bully for her!

      Life is what you do while you make plans. This "ain't" no rehearsal...

      Flag up!

    • pelt545 profile image

      pelt545 

      7 years ago from Hampton Roads, VA

      As long as your dad is dating someone who is right, honest, and reliable, then you should not worry about him.

      Just let him be happy with the person he loves and wants.

    • ktrapp profile image

      Kristin Trapp 

      7 years ago from Illinois

      I have not been in this situation, but I can only imagine how odd it would feel for one's father to be with a woman about the age of his kids. But, you're right - I couples with large age differences like this every now and then.

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