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Dates That Went Horribly Wrong
Is your date a gorilla at heart?
What's the worst date you've ever had? For me, it's hard to narrow it down to one guy or one time. When I was single, finding someone who liked girls seemed important. Or maybe finding someone who actually liked me.
You Should Be Dancing
Coworkers and Duties
After a breakup from long-term relationship with a musician who had more than his share of bad habits, I spent a couple of crazy years trying to find a nice guy. I'd moved to a familiar town where I had lived years earlier. A good friend introduced me to the manager at the salon where she worked as receptionist. He was a friendly, married guy who hired me on the spot.
Working as receptionist, I met a guy who seemed pretty normal, that was, in comparison to some of the people who worked there. His hair was a normal color and he seemed to like girls. This automatically made him a contender.
There was a nearby disco lounge where the stylists liked to hang out after work. It featured live music seven nights a week; a great place for disco dancing. At the end of my shift after the salon closed, I took the bank deposit to the night drop which conveniently took me right by the place where I often joined my coworkers.
Pulp Fiction Dance Scene
Brunch at the Lake
Wayne and I shared a table with our coworkers and after a few dances, he seemed like a fun sort of guy. At the end of the night, he invited me to his house for brunch the next day where he promised to show me around the beautiful lake where he lived. He failed to mention that he lived in a nudist colony.
My first clue was when we stopped at the entrance gate to the property. I tried to avert my eyes from the guy who raised the crossing gate at the entry wearing only a hat. He was no youngster and not in the best of physical shape with a hairy paunch of a stomach. It wasn't the most pleasant visual attraction, let me confide. As I grew more nervous, my date assured me I wasn't required to take off my clothes, for which I was truly grateful.
While my date cooked eggs and bacon in his lovely mobile home, I heard the roar of a lawn mower and I ventured a quick peek out of the window. The guy mowing the lawn had on nothing more than tennis shoes. My thoughts strayed to the danger of dangling appendages and flying objects.
Believe me, I couldn't wait for that date to be over. I spent the entire morning wishing that I had driven my own car. That was our first and only date.
Haven in the Woods
Surprise, surprise, surprise..."— Gomer Pyle
Have you ever been on a date that went horribly wrong?
Dinner and a Movie
Up until that point my worst date was in high school when my parents introduced me to the neighbor, a guy more than twenty years older than me. He asked their permission to ask me out on a date. The big surprise was that they encouraged and allowed me to go out with this guy.
We went to see the movie, "Chitty Chitty Bang Bang" after a nice dinner at a seafood restaurant. That was when I first discovered my allergy to scallops. On the ride home in his '65 GTO, my stomach started to churn and I began to feel nauseated. I was too embarrassed to ask him to stop, so I rolled down the window and tossed my cookies out of a moving car. You can imagine the results. And, no, we never went out again.
The Running Man
There was one dinner date that I'll never forget which involved a brute who didn't take no for an answer when he decided to serve me dessert. Actually, there were several like that but none that I'll describe here. These were valuable learning experiences during which I decided that a Karate class might be useful.
There was one fellow who jogged over to my house to pick me up for our date. He arrived out of breath and sweaty insisting that I could drive us to the movie theater in my car. Still in my teens, I was foolish enough to agree. We watched the movie, "Wild in the Streets", a cult flick where anyone over the age of thirty was not to be trusted. That was our first and last date as well, but not because of the movie. He only wanted to date me to make another girl jealous.
Oh, the itsy bitsy spider crawled up the water spout...
After my ex closed our business and moved away to another life with another wife, I started dating one of our former employees with whom I'd become friends. Having married as a teenager, this was one of my first ventures into the dating world in five years. The guy was, let's say, several years younger than me, full of life and vigor. His blond hair and blue-eyes were matched with the sweetest smile I'd seen in a long time.
Our third date was one Friday after we both got off work. He arrived at my house When I asked why he was wearing a greasy shirt with the Texaco logo he let me know he'd been too busy chugging a dozen beers to change clothes.
Sensing his state of intoxication, I drove us to the fancy and expensive restaurant where I had started a new job. My date's booming voice and erratic behavior in front of my coworkers and my boss was indeed embarrassing.
It was the end of the line for that guy, too.
Deceptions and Jocks
There were a series of other less than adequate would-be partners over the years. One contender for the worst date ever was a guy who took me on a date to the Twenty-four Hours of Sebring race in Florida. I remember it as the twenty-four days of Sebring.
Following a four hour drive to the event, we found a campsite with a group of his friends and there we camped for three day event of time trials and race car preparation before the race began. The only bathroom was a port-a-potty, a stinking plastic box with a waiting line that seemed miles long.
When the race finally ended, we began the journey towards what I envisioned as a refreshing and much needed shower. Instead, my date drove us directly to a soccer field where he joined his team mates as their captain. Apparently there wasn't time to take me home first or he would miss running around for ninety minutes with other sweaty guys. You would think I had enough of him, but no, I gave it a while longer. It wasn't long before I discovered that he never filed for divorce as he told me. Liar, liar, well, you know about the pants on fire. That was the straw for him.
"I have had enough of YOU!"
The Other Woman
There was a time when revenge seemed the best choice for one guy. That was when I found out he was dating another woman and telling us both he broke up with the other one. With her help we pulled a fast one on him.
One Friday night when we were scheduled for a date, I invited his other girlfriend to come to my house. She arrived well before he was supposed to get there and hid in the back bedroom until just the right moment. When he started in with a string of lies, she made a grand entry into the living room and we confronted him together. You should have seen the fireworks. Yes, it was fun, as well as a bit sad. That wasn't the end of him, unfortunately.
Revenge is a dish best served cold.— Klingon Proverb
What I learned in nine years of being single was to stay alert for any sign of trouble. Sometimes the most seemingly innocent circumstances leave us vulnerable to the psychopath or the hands-on masher. Preparation and diligence is key. And carry a canister of pepper spray for good measure. You never know.
© 2015 Peg Cole