ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Dating 101: The Zombie Fanatic

Updated on October 18, 2011
janikon profile image

I'm a thirty-something writer who lives in downtown Toronto. I've been an online writer for over seven years, focusing on health trends.


I am one of those people you only hear about when meeting a matchmaker for the first time, or when your friends try to convince you online dating would be a better option than becoming a mail-order bride, or when your mother, during your sister's wedding, sighs and states audibly, "Well, at least, I can say I saw one my children get married - thankfully before I am too old and senile to remember it" - you see, my casual dater friend, I am the archetypal weirdo attractor.

I have always believed you should date someone whom you share common interests or the same creepy fangirlobsessions - think Trekkies, Twights and Potheads - or the love of standing outside, often in the freezing cold, cheering for your favourite sports team. These are the people - the lucky ones - who you see while shopping for ice cream comfort or the chips of rejection and are almost always the reason to give datingjust one more try. It's not till after you accept a date from a seemingly normal, nice, guy do you realize the days of Andy Hardy are truly dead, and you have unwittingly accepted a dinner date from the next Jeffery Dahmer.

That whole metaphorical lesson about good and bad apples happens to be extremely relevant to the dating world, please remember that.

My most memorable weirdo - lets call him Williams (as in Ash) - met me outside the doors of the subway and insisted we have a non-traditional walking date. For the first few blocks he talked mostly about his friends and family before he moved on to one of my favourite subjects, books. I am a huge book junkie and have amassed a diverse collection over the years, something he seemed really interested in and we spent a few minutes discussing what I had read. I wholeheartedly believe you can tell a lot about a person depending on what he, or she, reads and could not help but ask him what his favourite book was - then he uttered, with unadulterated enthusiasm, the title that sent our date into a downward spiral, 'The Zombie Survival Guide'.

It felt like an aneurysm. I slowly repeated the title back in disbelief but before I could fully process the ramifications of this book being his favourite, his favourite above all others, he asked me the question ...

"Have you prepared yourself for the zombie apocalypse?"

I remember wondering if the ringing in my ears had made it impossible to hear the accompanying punchline but Williams quickly followed with, "This is pretty serious, have you?" All I could do was shake my head, no. He spent the next half-hour catching me up on the recent government zombie cover-up scheme, how highly placed government whistleblowers had been using Hollywood as a venue to send our thinly veiled warnings to the public about the need for preparedness for the impending epidemic through the zombie movies. Then with worry furrowed on his brow he offered to lend me his copy of the 'The Zombie Survival Guide', so I too could begin preparing my loved ones for Z-Day.

I couldn't say much. I think I choked out a couple of syllables as I furiously shook my head but in retrospect I should have felt touched he worried for my safety.

It wasn't until he affirmed my greatest fear that I would probably die within days of the zombie outbreak did I officially say goodnight. There is just something very disturbing about someone you just met predicting how you will meet your maker - even if he followed up his statement with, "you would be a pretty fucking hot looking zombie though"


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • hisandhers profile image


      6 years ago from Toronto, Ontario, Canada

      Do you still have his number? At least then we'd know who to call when it all goes down- because if a zombie apocalypse happens, I'm pretty sure I'm going to be the first to go.

    • janikon profile imageAUTHOR


      6 years ago from Canada

      jeannieinabottle apparently, yes. we've all been living in imminent danger for ten years now, they have reanimated corpses hidden in several government facilities all over the world ...

      ... according to him, it's only a matter of time before they can no longer contain the zombies and well, obviously we'll all be living the real life version of 'The Walking Dead' ... unfortunately, many people aren't skilled in hand-to-hand combat or how to defend ourselves with weapons ...

      so, basically, we all need to be a little more like Buffy; look good and carry a bag full of weapons where ever you go.

    • janikon profile imageAUTHOR


      6 years ago from Canada

      oh, my friend, lilyfly how you boost my confidence and have been so supportive - thank you! You are truly too kind. I had a good chuckle over your ex-sticker lover. And believe me ... I understand only wanting one thing from a guy.

      Sometimes ... it's all you really need.

      hearts, janikon

    • lilyfly profile image

      Lillian K. Staats 

      6 years ago from Wasilla, Alaska

      Oh, honey, live my world for a day!! Haha! But, I have to say, I'd probably find the Zombie crone a bit of an uphill climb, and not the fun kind,, have you ever thought of just wearing your heart on your sleeve? I had one boyfriend that would take those meat shop stickers, and put them on his pants, things like, "ready to eat", or '

      "tasty", or "Excellent source of protein". I don't know. Short of painting dayglo arrows to "The spot", since frankly, that's all I want from a guy anymore, anyhow. haha! Keep writing, make it a bit longer please, I already go into withdrawals at the end of your hub... love yaz, lily

    • Jeannieinabottle profile image

      Jeannie InABottle 

      6 years ago from Baltimore, MD

      Wow! I thought I had dated some real weirdos, but this one is pretty bad. So, the government is covering up the truth about zombies, huh? Wow.

      Thanks for sharing this one! By the way, wouldn't it be crazy if there is a zombie apocalypse tomorrow? I would feel really bad about how much I just laughed at that guy. Hehehe. I think we'll all be OK though.


    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

    Show Details
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)