- Gender and Relationships
Dating A Married Man. Get Him to Marry you, Or Just Get the Best Out of Him
Dating a Married Man
Dating a married man can be fun and exciting, but it is often mixed with crazy emotions, and disappointment. If you are dating a married man, you are not alone.
There are generally three different types of attitudes that women have when they are dating a married man. One is that they want the guy to divorce their wife and marry them, the second is that they just want to have an ego boost, and the third is that they want money.
Understanding exactly which of these is you as soon as possible will greatly increase the chances that you will come out ahead, and not feel disappointed.
Example of not knowing Where You Stand
My close friend Deborah met a man while getting out of her car in front of her house one day. She is an attractive woman who lived on a busy street, and a man stopped his car when he saw her walking from her home to her car, and he introduced himself. When Deborah told me about this man, I was very skeptical, and said that it is a very random thing to do, for a man to be driving around and compliment your appearance. But Deborah's ego is her worst enemy. She was flattered by him, and being easily flattered can be one of the most destructive things that can happen to our egos in the overall picture of things. My advice to her was to have fun, enjoy it, and do not sleep with him. This guy had her in bed within 3 dates, and suddenly stopped calling her. To make a long story short, she wooed him back. The last thing she wanted was to be dumped by this guy. The writing was on the wall, however, that this man had something to hide. One day she saw him not more than ten houses down the street mowing his lawn. When she called to confront him, he confessed that he lived there with his estranged wife and their six children. This was after approximately 6 months of solid dating. When men want to hide the fact that they are married, or anything else for that matter, they can do it.
Deborah was devastated, but in love. She wanted to hold on. She now wished he would leave his wife for her, but she had already broken the cardinal rule. If you value a man and want him to value you, don't sleep with him for a few months at least. That could possibly make him not want to lose you, because he feels like he put so much into winning you, and now another guy will win you over. But, by cheapening herself right away, he can only compare her with his wife who was a virgin when they met, and a lady in his eyes. He certainly does not want to risk what he has when he could easily drive around and see any other pretty woman and can charm her the same way. She continued to see him, dress up for him, and give this man her all, for absolutely nothing in return. She should have asked herself ,"what am I getting out of this?" And with the answer being NOTHING, moved on. But, clever men know how to say just enough sweet things that will keep a woman thinking, "its just a matter of time before he leaves his wife for me." They won't actually say this, but they will throw a few things around that will make you, in your desperation of wanting him all to yourself, start to think that it could happen sooner or later.
The Rules of Dating
The rules here are that you need to get what you are looking for. If you realize intellectually that you are not going to get the thing you want, it is time to go. It is a waste of time and effort to hang around and become bitter.
If in the case of Deborah, she finds that he is not going to marry her because he is already married, then she could have moved her intentions to financial gain, and asked him to give her some money to keep things spicy and interesting. Before you say that this is prostitution, and wrong, I will say that its better to be giving out for money than to do if for free. The end result is that at least you have something, and the whole situation will be more pleasant and less resentful.
If you are doing it because it makes you feel good, then by all means make sure that they guy continues to shower you with praise and compliments, and the minute he stops is the time to get out, because he is showing his true colors and will never devolve back into the sweet charming man.
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