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Dating Out: Why Black Women Are Least Likely To

Updated on June 6, 2016
Elaine Flowers profile image

Elaine Flowers began her writing career in 2004 and is a Dallas Morning News bestselling author with 5 fiction and 1 non-fictiction titles.

It’s Not Just For Celebrities

Even though we see more and more black women with non-black men, the numbers are still much lower than other interracial couple-combinations. Scientific polls aren’t really necessary to prove that black women don’t date out much, just look around. After all, only 7% of all married couples in the US are interracial so the numbers for BW and NBM must be minute.

Source

Why...

...are black women least likely to date or marry outside of their race than any other demographic of women? According to statistics and research all women have adverse reactions to ‘strangers’. So is this the case; black women view men of other races as strangers? If so, then it should be the case for other women, right?

Why do you think black women hesitate to date out?

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Is it by choice or not that BW don’t date out?

If asked, you’d get a myriad of responses from black women. The most popular is, “I love black men” and “I don’t find myself attracted to men of other races.” Similarly you may hear, “If I met a guy of another race that I was attracted to, I’d consider dating him.” But is this the whole truth?

Or could the truth be that the men of other races are just not overwhelmingly excited about black women? And because they are not, black women, in turn, are not reciprocal in that same way. After all, it’s human nature to find those that desire us, desirable.

Source

What does everyone else say?

There are many opinions on why black women are least likely to D/MOTR and among those are that BW are viewed as having masculine characteristics. Whether you agree with that assessment or not, you may see how others arrived at this opinion. Historically BW have been forced to take on responsibilities that men hold.

Dating Different

The Swirlr Affect

There is increased intermingling among BW and NBM and this is exciting news for women in this group who have struggled along the way to find marriageable men in their own group to date. Part of the reason this is still slow to catch on is that BW feel a strong sense of loyalty towards BM that subconsciously keeps her from dating out. Whether this loyalty is well founded or not is certainly up for debate, but BW have found it difficult to shake. And some of them who have embraced dating NBM use the fact that BM are not loyal to BW in the same way so it is sort of a revenge tactic, convincing themselves they’re not bitter where BM are concerned. They are angry with their fathers who were not around and the black men who they feel have rejected them. I don’t fault them for that. And I think it’s great for those who found and receive love and affection from someone who eagerly expresses it towards them.

In any case, whatever the reason black women are least likely to date out, their standard of living and various ranges of successes are on the rise for them. Unfortunately, without a man by their side, many won’t feel the need to celebrate.

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    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 

      4 years ago

      kontentwriter, I'm inclined to agree with the having an "open mind" assertion. For me as well I simply didn't care what race a woman was when I was in the dating scene. Good looks, personality, and similar interests and sense of humor were the key. In the end we date and marry people not their skin color.

      A Porsche Carrera GT in any color is still a Porsche Carrera GT! :-)

    • kontentwriter profile image

      Tilman Crymes 

      4 years ago from Wisconsin

      This hub caught my eye because as a black man who has dated outside my race, I have some perspective on this from a man's point of view.

      I've heard all the reasons why black men decide to date outside of their race, and one of the main ones is because either black women don't put up with our crap, or that we don't want to put up with their demanding ways (for lack of a better way to put it now).

      I'm not sure where this really originated, but it may contribute to how people outside of our race view us in terms of "what you get" when you date a black person, as normally I hear these explanations from our own race. This is in line with what dashingscorpio commented on about marrying down, and less positive images of black women. This perception doesn't represent whole of course.

      As an intelligent, well-educated, God-fearing black man in my case, all the women I've dated outside of my race have actually been "dating up" or "marrying up" (if you include my ex-wife). However, I've always had the feeling that out in public among strangers; I have been viewed as the lesser in the relationship. Of course, I say this in the context of this conversation and feel that my partner and I are equals when in a relationship.

      I've dated women from several different races and backgrounds and for me, it was just always about having an open mind and feeling like we are all “brothers and sisters” in God’s eyes. It has never been about any of the typical reasons that you always hear in regard to why date outside of your race. Interesting enough and why I liked your hub so much is that I've noticed, for some reason black women don't seem to have that same openness, and I've always wondered why. Now I know there is much more to it.

      I can go on a lot more about this topic, but I'll digress before I write a whole other article here, lol. Thanks for the insight.

    • janshares profile image

      Janis Leslie Evans 

      4 years ago from Washington, DC

      Great article, elaine. Very informative and spot on about reasons behind why Black women don't often date out. I do think it's mostly about loyalty in older generations. Well done, nice presentation. Voted up and interesting.

    • Elaine Flowers profile imageAUTHOR

      Elaine Flowers 

      4 years ago from Dallas, Texas

      Hilarious, Camille! I guess you don't look like you're about to cuss somebody out. I'm not sure what that looks like… Maybe it has to do with demeanor - idk. Thanks for the comment :-)

    • Camille Harris profile image

      Camille Harris 

      4 years ago from SF Bay Area

      Very interesting Hub and comments. Dashingscorpio, your comments are very insightful and appreciated.

      As a black woman who has almost exclusively "dated out" for the past seven years, this Hub definitely caught my eye. I absolutely wonder(ed) if some of the men (particularly those who had never dated a black woman) were with me to satisfy some sort of curiosity. One fellow (not someone I dated) said that white men were attracted to me because I'm a "safe black girl"...errmmmm...OK. Amazing lack of awareness, that one. Anyway, nice work. Hubs like this are great conversation starters. Keep writing!

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 

      4 years ago

      Actually most men eventually (do) get married. I suspect they just enjoy being single a lot longer than most women want to be single. If a guy is not "ready" to get married he is completely fine with "one night stands" and numerous "serial monogamy" relationships until he feels he's met "the one".

      I agree there are some shows that illustrate some outlandish behavior by whites and non-blacks. However the media also has ten times as many shows that provide more positive images about them. Whereas their off kilter people are seen as being the (minority) in their race the images of black women in "Real Housewives of Atlanta", "Basketball Wives", and "R&B Divas" are considered by many to be a true representation of all black women.

      Any black woman who is well known for being classy such as Michelle Obama, Halle Berry, or Condoleezza Rice are seen as the "exceptions". Hopefully these perceptions will eventually change overtime.

    • Elaine Flowers profile imageAUTHOR

      Elaine Flowers 

      4 years ago from Dallas, Texas

      DashingScorpio, the fear of being the "fantasy" is very real. And the differences you point out between men and women and how they view it, is interesting. Maybe it's safe to say that women are interested in real relationships much more often than men are. You know, looking to nest and whatnot.

      And to the point of black women and how they're portrayed, thanks to the equal opportunities on Jerry Springer and some of the Housewives Reality shows, we know now that black women aren't alone in that combative behavior. But based on what the media shows, that fear should be real for any man who wants to avoid the drama. Thanks for your engaging insight!

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 

      4 years ago

      Voted up and interesting!

      I think there are numerous reasons why a (lot) of black women do not date outside of the race. I suspect some have a fear of simply being a "fantasy" for the none black male. They don't want to be used because of their race.

      By contrast most black men could care less if they are seen as "forbidden fruit" by women of other races. Very few men would be offended if (any) woman wanted to "use them" for sex. Black women may not trust the motives of non-black men. Even if she feels "used" after having sex with a black man she does not view it as if he was simply with her (because) she was black.

      Some black women may be uncomfortable bonding with non blacks when it comes to personal friendships/relationships and connecting with the families of non-black men. It's one thing if a black man's family is unaccepting of her because they dislike her and another thing to be unaccepted/rejected by a non-black family because of her race/heritage. Black men and men in general care very little about winning over family.

      Even in our society today (some people) think whenever a minority marries a white person they are "marrying up" while the white person is seen as marrying down even if the black person has more personal wealth. Kanye West & Kim Kardashian are just one example of this.

      It has been my observation whenever you see a black woman dating outside of her race she is usually well educated, career focused, and well traveled. I'm not sure if it's because of those things that she is more open to dating outside of her race or if this is the requirement that most non-black men have for dating them. I suspect that vast majority of black women have never been "hit on" by non-black men mainly because they do not socialize in the same circles.

      Last but not least it cannot be denied that images of black women in the media are often portrayed as hand in your face, head rolling, hand clapping while talking, yelling cursing, violently angry, unhappy, demanding, rude, and always ready to "go off" in a heartbeat.

      With images like this it's no wonder many non-black men do not approach black women. They may be afraid to deal with them.

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