ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel
  • »
  • Gender and Relationships»
  • Dating & Online Dating

Dating Refresher Course

Updated on November 13, 2011


Starting to date again after a long period of marriage ending in divorce is not always easy. For me, starting over at fifty was a scary time. I guess after twenty years with the same person, dating know-how can get a little rusty and sometimes confidence has waned a bit.
Little thought goes into the dating process when you are younger. Two people get together for a good time; sometimes things work out and sometimes they don’t. For some reason that spontaneity often disappears as you get older and, even more so, if you have been with the same person for a long period of time. After separation or divorce, most people spend their next few months or years thinking about where they went wrong and fretting over the future. It is often tough to “go with the flow” with a spontaneous attitude when dating again for the first time. Too much analysis occurs before, during and after the date. Everyone is looking for the perfect woman or man after recently going through hell and back.

The first thing you need to do is stop thinking, just act. Going on a date does not mean that marriage is imminent. If there is a soul mate out there somewhere, you will know when she/he appears. The important thing is to stay open-minded while meeting others and avoid thinking about a long-term relationship for the time being. At the same time, you need to have common sense and not continue seeing someone you know is totally incompatible with your desires.

So here is a little refresher course on starting over for those of you that need a few reminders!

Before the date

1) Be on time. If you ignore this rule, you will soon regret it! Being late can be one of the worst offences on a first date. In fact, it is probably always a bad offence. Don’t start out on the wrong foot before you even have a chance to talk.

2) Clean up your act. It is easy to forget little things when you haven’t been out for awhile with someone else. In fact, some of you may not have been on a “date” for years. That new man or woman will not always put up with the bad habits your ex got used to over the years! It doesn’t matter if your hair is long or short, whether you have a beard or not, or whether you wear jeans or business attire; be sure to be clean and neat. The first impression is always the most important one.

3) Men…get rid of that excess hair! As we age, hair tends to appear where it never did before, especially in our ears and nostrils. I am only going to say one thing here; if you don’t already have one, buy a little hair trimmer and get rid of it! It will be well worth the money you spend.

4) Easy with the deodorant, cologne and perfume. Smelling nice is a good thing. Stinking up the whole restaurant or theatre isn’t. Scents can be refreshing without being overpowering. Again, use your common sense.

5) Don’t forget about the car. If you are picking someone up in your vehicle, make sure it is cleaned out and gassed up. It is easy to forget what a clean car looks like if you have been on your own for awhile, especially if you have shared it with your teenagers or younger kids! If there is anything in the glove box that you don’t want examined, take it out before you leave (just a precaution!)

During the date

6) Be optimistic, self-assured and confident. But don’t be cocky and obnoxious. Sometime it is a fine line.

7) Be yourself and be honest. Maintain your values. Don’t try to be somebody else just because you want to get in bed with your date. If he/she doesn’t like who you are, there is no point in getting together again. Think and talk about what you want in life, your strengths and weaknesses, your ideals and purposes. The whole reason for dating is to allow the other person to get to know the real you.

8) Be happy. The other person is with you to have fun, not listen to your depressing stories or feelings. Stay upbeat and keep smiling. If you are not having fun, you are with the wrong person!

9) Forget the past. Your date does not want to hear about your ex or your previous partners at this point. When you get to know each other a little better, there will be lots of opportunities to talk about the past. Just remember, “time and place”.

10) Remember the past! You, that is. Believe it or not, your ex was attracted to you for some reason! Think about the way you used to be, what made you excited, why you were a wild and crazy guy or girl. Try to regain some of that feeling and craziness again. Think of it as a rebirth!

11) Stay away from crowded places. You want to talk to each other, not stare at each other and lip-read. Meet in a quiet place where you can talk and get to know each other.

12) Don’t let it all out of the box right away. Keep a little mystery about yourself. Don’t spill your guts right away. Let her want to see you again to find out a little more about you.

13) Don’t argue. This should be a no-brainer. If you disagree with what your date is saying, fine. Don’t sweat the small stuff. Let it pass. This is not the time to start arguing with someone you just met. If you have real strong feelings against her points of view, then don’t see her again. You can “discuss” ideas once you get to know her better. For now, give her a chance to show her true feelings and beliefs. After all, that’s why you are going out together in the first place.

14) Avoid too much alcohol. The novelty of a drunken date wears off quickly. You will say things you don’t mean to and you will not remember half the conversation. You need to be able to think straight and carry on an intelligent conversation if you expect to find out more about the person you are with. Neither of these will occur if you are falling off your chair.

Being single again can be great…but try not to be a desperate single!

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • kirbylau profile image

      kirbylau 6 years ago from Wuhan, China

      Like!

    • Robert Erich profile image

      Robert Erich 6 years ago from California

      Awesome hub with great tips for anyone in the dating world. Keep up the great writing!

    • PurvisBobbi44 profile image

      PurvisBobbi44 6 years ago from Florida

      Steve,

      That was very well written and many insightful points made. Yes, I am sure it is scary to start dating after being married for years.Your hub will help a lot of people, and thank you so much for sharing it with us.

      Bobbi

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: "https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr"

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is used to quickly and efficiently deliver files such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisements has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)