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Dating Services-A Spoof On An Evergreen Niche

Updated on August 9, 2010

Dating Service Profile-Maybe

We have all read the profiles that show up when we look into dating services.  The thing I always wonder is how true they are and how much is made up.  In this little blurb I will make up one that would be every persons dream and then we will move forward from there.

Dating Services Great Profile

I am secure in most things in my life.  I am always happy but the problem is that is just me and in life there should be two and not just one.

I would like to tell you a bit about who I am and what you would be getting

I am secure & happy with myself, but...Life is meant for 2!! A little bit about myself: I enjoy travel, camping by a lake, gardening, home decorating, Comedy Clubs & Dinner Theater, music, my dog, & celebrating special occasions. I am self-sufficient, independent, honest, I have a great sense of humor, & family & friends are very important to me. A man who ONLY has eyes for me & can make me laugh are important qualities! No Pressure! Let's just relax...become friends & get to know each other... and see what happens.

Dating Services Are Abundant

It really doesn't matter what or who you are.  Now a days there are dating services for everyone.  I would even venture to guess that if you are an alien walking our great earth on the Internet you will find dating services for yourself.

I have no clue as to what we did before all these dating services pooped up all over the Internet.  I guess we walked around like a bunch of zombies never really knowing what to do.

Can anyone even imagine the world without online dating services.  I know if I wanted to by now I could be dating several girls who claim to look like Cameron Diaz or Brew Barrymore.  Okay lets be honest here.  I would be willing to bet that not a single person here has had an ugly person come out and say they were ugly.  Or a fat person say they were fat.  I guess its the nature of the beast.  Hiding behind closed doors makes it possible for anyone to be anyone. 

Below I am going to write an introduction and then rewrite it the way it should really sound.  Please everyone just remember I am just trying to have some fun so don't get all crazy on me and threaten to report me to the dating cops or whatever is available.  Just chill and have some fun.

Everyday Dating Profiles

I am very secure and fairly happy with myself. The problem is I am by myself and life is meant to be shared in pairs.

I will give you a little information about myself. I love traveling, camping, gardening and working around my home. A few more things are the Comedy clubs, Dinner Theatres, music and spending time with my dog.

I have a great job and have always paid my own way through life. I am looking for a person who will stand by my side. Someone who will see me for me.  I want there to be no pressure but lets just see what happens.  I want to know you and I hope you will want to know me.

Above is a typical profile that you might read on a typical dating site.  Below I will interpret what this is really saying.

Whats Really Being Said

I really am never sure if I'm coming or going. When it comes to being happy I have no clue what that means. I have been by myself for such a long time. Not because I want to but because I seem to scare everyone away. I want to have a partner but I need to tie them up to keep them at least that's how it seems.

If I give you too much info you will surely run but here goes anyways. I love staying home. Camping, gardening and anything to do with effort just doesn't appeal to me. If you are looking to go to clubs or theatres you are talking to the wrong person. I do love spending time with my dog because I don't have to do much.

I have a great job and have always paid my way through life because no one else ever even offers to buy me a cup of coffee. I am looking for someone similar to me. Someone who is just as lazy and boring as me. I want no pressure on anyone but you need to know as I get older I am getting more desperate. I know if you give me a chance and close your eyes and ears we could have a great thing.

Take It Easy

Okay, I know some may write and say I shouldn't make fun of others.

You are absolutely right and I would never make fun of someone as an individual.  For all intense purposes I am really making fun of the Internet dating game.

At the end of the day this is really big business.  I mean several millions if not billions of dollars.

I am sure many great relationships have been found through Internet dating and the dating services provided.

However I do ask anyone who is attempting to use internet dating services that they be careful and always use common sense.

Anyways this really is just a hub about an evergreen niche.  Look out for many more.


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    • Paradise7 profile image


      8 years ago from Upstate New York

      This WAS a fun hub, and I do have to laugh at what dating services are like these days, and how people present themselves.

    • Hello, hello, profile image

      Hello, hello, 

      8 years ago from London, UK

      I wouldn't dare going near an Dating Agency these days. Apart from that it was great fun reading your hub.

    • lmmartin profile image


      8 years ago from Alberta and Florida

      You're welcome Dale.

      @ drbj -- name the place and time. Lynda

    • Dale Mazurek profile imageAUTHOR

      Dale Mazurek 

      8 years ago from Canada

      its just fun writing about stuff like this. And being evergreen people should be reading it for a long time to come.

      Thanks for stopping by.


    • drbj profile image

      drbj and sherry 

      8 years ago from south Florida

      Hi, Dale - Hope you don't mind but Lynda's comment awoke a response in me, to wit:

      Dear Lynda - You are my kind of woman. I would repeal the law of gravity for you. You can share my second set of false teeth when I am not using them. I do have a pulse - often - and I am mostly upright except when the voices tell me I need to lie down a bit. I have plenty of money since I sued the government for allowing those aliens to use me in their experiments. When can we meet?

      Thank you, Dale, for the insightful and important info re dating services.

    • lmmartin profile image


      8 years ago from Alberta and Florida

      Aging woman, opinionated, demanding and domineering, not entirely unattractive but slowly succumbing to gravity, spends most of her time in an imaginary world, filled with imaginary lovers and friends, rationalized by writing fiction, financially needy and requiring massive dental work looking for man with pulse.

      How's that? Lynda


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